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The Deranged True Story Of <i>Heavy Metal Parking Lot</i>, The <i>Citizen Kane</i> Of Wasted Teenage Metalness
Suburban dirtballs of the 1980s are a lost culture, worthy of academic study, that disappeared abruptly, leaving mysterious artifacts for future generations to work over. Think of them as, say, the ancient Mayans, only with mullets....
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Cubs Spring Training Game Overrun By Bees
Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. I say it will end when our bee overlords choose to end it. That might already be underway at Sloan Park during this afternoon’s Cubs-Mariners game. Jason Heyward was the first victim, and he had to climb the outfield fence to avoid them....
Cuban Fan Throws Beers Into Tampa Bay Rays Dugout In Protest Of Their Cuba Trip
The Tampa Bay Rays got back from their historic trip to Cuba on Wednesday morning, and after a bit of a travel delay, returned to baseball as usual that evening. Last night, during the seventh inning of their game against the Pirates, an older fan reportedly ran onto the field in Bradenton, cursed a...
What It’s Like To Be Protested
I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I was standing on the steps of Oviatt Library at Cal State Northridge, giving a speech to all the incoming freshmen as part of the university’s formal convocation. (Quick acknowledgment: Yes, this actually happened, so you are now free to dump on me for being a...
There Are Actual Cubs At Cubs Camp
Joe Maddon likes to make spring training fun. On Tuesday it was mimes. Today it’s baby bears....
Madison Bumgarner And Jason Heyward's Beef Wasn't Really A Beef At All
Madison Bumgarner’s on-mound demeanor could be described using many different words; I’ll go with “cantankerous,” but depending upon your perspective anything from “fired-up” to “dickish” can be appropriate. So when Jason Heyward stood around seemingly staring at Bumgarner after taking a called thir...
This Dumb Keeper Is Soccer's New Trickster God
Just look at this idiot. Maritzburg United goalkeeper Glenn Verbauwhede, of the South African Premier Soccer League, has developed an incredibly crazy strategy of baiting referees into giving opponents fouls. First, he lures opposing players into his personal space, then intentionally lunges at thei...
Judge Accepts New Darren Sharper Plea Agreement, Will Probably Sentence Him To 15-20 Years
Serial rapist Darren Sharper will likely be sentenced to 15-20 years for his crimes, after he and federal prosecutors agreed to a new supplemental plea agreement, and the judge signed off. Sharper’s original plea agreement, which would’ve seen him serve just nine years in prison, was rejected last m...
Live <em>SportsCenter</em> Hit From Cuba Interrupted By Protester
The 6 p.m. SportsCenter, featuring an extended live hit from Cuba by Bob Ley, was interrupted when a pamphlet-clad protester jumped up onto the set, threw his pamphlets and yelled something. The producer quickly threw to Karl Ravech, Doug Glanville, and Eduardo Perez, who were clearly dumbfounded at...
Cubs Camp Is Fuckin' Weird Today
So you’ve got players preparing for nicotine withdrawal. You’ve got the team opening up SI’s baseball preview issue, which has the Cubs reaching—and losing—the World Series. You’ve got Donald Trump threatening to fund attack ads going after the Ricketts family for “the rotten job they’re doing with ...
Clayton Kershaw Posed For Pictures With The People Who Rear-Ended Him
Dodgers pitcher Clayton Kershaw seems like a nice guy. I say that because if I were a famous baseball player, I don’t think I’d be in the mood to snap some pics with two fans right after they slammed into the back of my car....
What On Earth Is Going On With José Mourinho's Manchester United Pre-Contract?
We can all agree that the big takeaway from the pre-contract José Mourinho has reportedly signed with Manchester United is the simple fact that, after a few months on the sidelines, no doubt stewing over the calamity that was his final season at Chelsea, our man Mourinho will almost certainly be bac...
Brewers OF Rymer Liriano Taken To Hospital After Fastball To The Face
Emergency personnel took Rymer Liriano to a Phoenix-area hospital after the Brewers outfielder took a Matt West fastball to the face during the Milwaukee-L.A. Dodgers spring training game today in Arizona....
Aleksandar Mitrovic Celebrates With Idiot On The Field After Scoring A Late Equalizer
Newcastle tied up Sunderland late to secure a 1-1 draw. Aleksandar Mitrovic scored the equalizer, and was understandably pumped since it came in the 83rd minute against a rival. Mitrovic ran away from all his buddies to celebrate with this jeans-wearing Geordie....
Report: It's Mourinho Time, Baby!
The best parts of the first half of this very weird Premier League season were most certainly Chelsea melting down and playing like dogpiss and also all the wacky hijinks José Mourinho got himself into. Now, according to El Pais (Sp.), our hero has signed a “pre-contract agreement” with Manchester U...
Oh, That's Gorgeous
Cesc Fàbregas equalized for Chelsea in stoppage time with as perfect a free kick as could be executed in the situation....
Manuel Lanzini Rocket Goal Puts West Ham Up On Chelsea
Chelsea fell behind at home once again this morning, though it’s hard to blame them for this Manuel Lanzini screamer from outside the box. The Blues haven’t much but pride to play for at this point, and strikes like this from the Argentine aren’t helping....
Roman Politicians Outraged Over Video Of Supposed Soccer Fan Peeing On Homeless Woman
What was already a bad week for asshole soccer fans in Europe got worse yesterday, after video that appears to show a group of men—allegedly Sparta Prague fans in town for their team’s Europa League match against Lazio—tormenting and abusing a homeless woman, with one even urinating on her....
Please Register To Vote, Whether Or Not You Think It Matters
This week in the presidential election cycle, the Republican field narrowed to a guy who does a bad thing with his lips, a guy scary enough that I no longer like joking about him, and a guy who digs Linkin Park. Even if these primaries have you surveying the scorched landscape and abandoning hope al...