premier-league Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Naked Idiot On The Field Rings In The New Premier League Season With A Dong
After a short summer break, the Premier League is back. Liverpool hosted Norwich City in the first match of the season today in a game that featured five goals, several wondrous feats of athleticism, and one pitch invader who made it onto the field just long enough to show the world his dick and ass...
This Is Still Manchester City's Premier League
Do you feel that? That’s the oncoming rush of another Premier League season, which officially kicks off on Friday. After the greatest title race in league history last season, the Premier League could have a worthy sequel on its hands. League runners-up Liverpool returned all the important parts of ...
The Start Of The Premier League Means The Start Of Manager-Sacking Season
The Premier League begins Friday. By Sunday, at least one manager will be rumored to be in trouble “if results do not improve.”...
Which Premier League Teams Are Good And Which Are Shit?
Everyone has probably had some version of the dream before: naked in class, unprepared for a final exam, publicly humiliated by Jennifer Connelly in a crowded restaurant (this may just be me), tasked with running away from or catching up to something only to find that your feet have turned into cara...
The Premier League Transfer Deadline Day Is Going To Be Nuts
The Premier League transfer window officially closes in less than 24 hours, and the usual whirlwind of transfer rumors has turned into a tree-uprooting, house-demolishing super tornado. New, credible reports of big-name players going into and out of the Premier League are flying around and changing ...
Harry Maguire Is The Best Manchester United Can Do
The fee itself, as gargantuan as it is, isn’t really an issue. Manchester United are one of the few clubs in the sport for which money truly is no object, and so their decision to break the defender transfer record is no cause for alarm. If there is an issue with the Red Devils paying Leicester City...
Zenit Supporters Unfurl Racist Banner To Protest The Signing Of A Black Player
During a match between Zenit St. Petersburg and FC Krasnodar, Zenit supporters revealed a banner with a message to those at the head of their club that read (roughly translated): “Thank you leadership for loyalty to traditions.” The sarcastic statement was made in response to the club signing ex-Bar...
Manchester City Defeat Liverpool On Penalties To Win Community Shield
Manchester City have won back-to-back FA Community Shield trophies for the first time in club history after defeating Liverpool 5-4 on penalties. Brazilian youngster Gabriel Jesus was the hero for Manchester City, scoring the winning penalty after Claudio Bravo came up big to save Giorgino Wijnadlum...
Arsenal Are Not Fucking Around This Summer
When Arsenal lost in the Europa League final, it felt like the Gunners were well and truly fucked. That defeat, coupled with a third-consecutive Premier League finish outside the top four, consigned Arsenal to life outside the Champions League for the third year running, presumably a massive setback...
Christian Pulisic Scores First Two Of What Are Sure To Be Hundreds Of Chelsea Goals
The start of Christian Pulisic’s first Premier League season is just 10 days away, though the former Wonderteen has only spent a few weeks with Chelsea after the USMNT lost the Gold Cup final. Has he had time to get up to speed and prepare for a grueling campaign? With the obvious caveat that presea...
After Nearly Two Years, Tottenham Are Finally Buying Players Again
Congratulations, Spurs fans: the club’s long transfer market nightmare is finally over. On Tuesday, Tottenham Hotspur announced not just one, but two transfers, the first by the club since signing right winger (both on the field and off of it) Lucas Moura back in January of 2018. And judging by the ...
Nobody Has It Better Than Liverpool
Along the vast spectrum of possible states a soccer club could exist in, there is a vanishingly small patch that, for my tastes, qualifies as ideal....
Mesut Özil Has Become Arsenal's Most Expensive Liability
As he walked off the field in Baku during Arsenal’s embarrassing performance in the Europa League final, the relatively paltry numbers of Arsenal fans in attendance serenaded Mesut Özil with boos. Özil had just put in yet another lackluster performance in a big game for the Gunners, showing once aga...
Aston Villa Are Returning To The Premier League
Aston Villa have made their way back to the Premier League after defeating Derby County 2-1 at Wembley in the Championship playoff final. The club joins Norwich City and Sheffield United as the three clubs heading to the top flight and replacing Huddersfield Town, Fulham and Cardiff City....
Be Horrified By Manchester City For The Right Reasons
On Saturday, Watford were set alight and consumed by flames in the latest sacrificial ritual attesting to the almighty powers of Manchester City. The smoke from that immolation announced City as champions of the F.A. Cup, winners of the first domestic treble in English soccer history, and legitimate...
Vincent Kompany Is Leaving Manchester City To Become Player-Manager Of Belgium's RSC Anderlecht
After 11 pretty darn successful seasons with Manchester City, Vincent Kompany wrote in an open letter on his Facebook page that the FA Cup final marked the end of his time at the club. In a follow-up post, he announced his next career endeavor would be becoming player-manager of Belgian club RSC And...
Happy Trails To Lazar Marković, A Hero To Underachievers Everywhere
Lazar Marković is not a good soccer player. It would even be fair to describe him as an actively bad one, at least relative to the level expected of players at the clubs that have paid him a sizable salary to do anything but play soccer for them these past few years. And yet, until today, Marković h...
Nobody Loves Sports Babies More Than Son Heung-Min
The final game of the soccer season is often the time for players and club staff to enjoy the culmination of the long season by mingling with each other and their families out on the pitch, making it prime time for cute sports baby hijinks. Tottenham forward Son Heung-min may be unmarried and childl...
The Premier League Was Decided In 11 Minutes
In the end, it truly is the hope that kills you. When Sadio Mané scored for Liverpool early on in their game against Wolves, it was the start of a frustrating but ultimately fruitful game. The Reds brought it to the surprise seventh-place finishers, scooped up the goal they needed (and another from ...
Crystal Palace Team Doctor Says A Toddler Racially Abused Him And His Kids Outside Palace's Stadium
Zafar Iqbar, a doctor on staff at Premier League club Crystal Palace, was taking two of his kids to Palace’s home match against Bournemouth on Sunday when he says a three-year-old child, walking nearby alongside his father, shouted a racist slur at Iqbar and his children....