premiership Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
If you’re gonna be late, be late
One of the many lessons I learned from my older brother, most of them the wrong ones but they’ve made life more entertaining, was that if you’re running late for something, just go ahead and be late. He taught me this one day as I was hurrying and scrambling to 8th grade or high school, and I had no...
Goalkeeper Pulls Off The Rare Cheap Shot-Flop-Red Card Trifecta
Allan McGregor, goalkeeper for Scottish Premiership club Rangers, displayed some truly astounding audacity in a match against Hibernian this weekend. Not only did he sneakily jump up and kick a Hibs player in the back in response to a minor annoyance, and not only did he fall on the ground clutching...
Young USMNT Hotshot Timothy Weah Just Got To Celtic And He's Already Scoring With Ease
Timothy Weah—18-year-old attacking dynamo for the USMNT and Paris Saint-Germain—recently arrived in Glasgow for a half-season loan with Celtic after a few months spent on the fringes of one of the biggest clubs in the world. Earlier this year, he talked about wanting to spend the first half of the y...
Scottish Soccer Fan Punches Goalkeeper In The Face, While Another Beans Manager With A Coin
The behavior of two asshole fans threatened to ruin the spectacle of yesterday’s Scottish Premiership match between rivals Hearts and Hibernian. One of the assholes punched Hearts’ keeper in the face in the middle of the match, and the other chucked a coin at Hibs’ manager, striking the coach square...
Scottish Soccer Team Launches Investigation To Find Horny Twitter User
Fans often go to the Twitter accounts of soccer teams to watch video of someone scoring. That’s nothing surprising. But when followers of Scottish Premiership club Inverness Caledonian Thistle looked at the team Twitter account’s list of favorited tweets, they saw an entirely different sort of scori...
Striker Somehow Fails To Kick Ball Into Open Net From Point-Blank Range
You know what, rather than ridicule, Aberdeen striker Miles Storey deserves our sympathy. Yes, it’s never good to find a way not to score when you’re literally a foot away from an unguarded net, but the incoming cross was deflected, and it had to feel like shit to hear that sound the crowd made when...
What A Ricochet
André Ayew’s equalizer for West Ham came after the most fortunate of rebounds....
It's Better To Be Lucky Than Good
Craig Dawson brought West Brom back equal by carefully exerting mind control over Bournemouth’s Charlie Daniels in order to create a wonderfully-bending deflection goal. He should use that superpower more often....
Manchester City Supporters Praise Jesus After Stoppage-Time Goal
Manchester City pulled out a win over Swansea City after Jesus showed no mercy to keeper Łukasz Fabiański and knocked in a rebound in the 92nd minute to give the home supporters a 2-1 win to go crazy about....
Eden Hazard Makes Arsenal Look Like Children
Chelsea doubled its lead on Arsenal early in the second half as Eden Hazard wove his way past a Gunners squad apparently completely made up of the family members of neighboring Mr. Bean. ...
Arsenal Take 1-0 Lead On "X-Rated" "Horror Story"
Arsenal took an early 1-0 lead on Bournemouth thanks to Steve Cook’s massive boner that Ian Darke called “X-rated”:...
Chelsea Need Just 30 Seconds To Take Lead On Manchester United
Pedro made mincemeat of Man United defense en route to giving Chelsea a 1-0 lead just 30 seconds into their match today at Stamford Bridge. Let’s give Marcos Alonso a hand for the assist, too....
What Does Brendan Rodgers Really Want Out Of This Celtic Job?
Brendan Rodgers—one of the hottest young names in management just a couple of years ago thanks to his exploits leading a ragtag Liverpool group to the precipice of the Premier League title—selected the next destination on his coaching career this past Friday. At Celtic. In Scotland. Not exactly foll...
Bournemouth's Matt Ritchie Hammers Home One Of The Season's Most Astounding Goals
Not content to let Callum Wilson have all the glory, AFC Bournemouth’s Matt Ritchie delivered this mind-altering strike to put his side up 2-0 against a hapless Sunderland side today. We feel pretty confident that this will stand up as one of the Premiership season’s best goals....
Benteke Scores Overhead Volley Wondergoal; Liverpool Lose Anyway
Wow! Christian Benteke almost made today’s Manchester United-Liverpool match competitive! He certainly gave Old Trafford one of its best highlights in years, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the Red Devils, who took a 3-1 victory....
Everton Saves Point At Liverpool with Phil Jagielka Half-Volley Stunner
A stoppage-time equalizer from Phil Jagielka silenced the crowd at Anfield and seized a point from Liverpool at today's rendition of the Merseyside Derby. ...
You'll Never Flop Alone: Sad Scenes From The Last Of Liverpool's Season
On Sunday, I watched the deflating end of Liverpool's season from various points along Anfield Road, not far from the team's stadium and headquarters. The result was the culmination of a slow-motion regression to an unhappy mean. Having entered the stretch run looking like a lock to win the Premiers...
Aston Villa's Nathan Baker Stretchered Off After Strike To The Face
Villa Park played host to a scary moment today as Aston Villa defender Nathan Baker had to be given oxygen on the pitch after catching an Arsenal strike square in the face....
Luis Suárez Given Ten Match Ban In Order To Chew Over What He's Done
Liverpool striker Luis Suárez earned a ten-match ban for biting Chelsea's Branislav Ivanović during Sunday's match at Anfield....
Swansea Played The Prettiest Soccer Game Of The Year (And Lost)
From now until the end of the season, we'll be posting a number of clips from the previous weekend's English Premier League games. If there's a goal, save, dive, lip-read profanity, or hocked sputum we should know about, drop us a line at [email protected]. (You might also enjoy our better-late-than...