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Johnny Boychuk's Austrian Team Only Gave Him Red Bull To Drink
As NHL players return to North America—those who aren't claiming asylum to escape the Islanders regime, anyway—they're being set upon by their neglected beat writers, and sharing some strange stories of their sabbaticals. Alex Picard made some new friends in the shower. Ryan Jones was handcuffed and...
![MLS Couldn't Dig Itself Out Of The Snow Or Its Own Ass [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/184p6ngy5rminjpg.jpg)
MLS Couldn't Dig Itself Out Of The Snow Or Its Own Ass [UPDATE]
The weather had already shafted DC United. The higher seed, they lost homefield advantage when MLS switched the legs of their home-and-home with the Red Bulls because the New York area was still cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy. It wasn't fair, and United fans were pissed, but it's hard to see that...

Red Bulls Youth Soccer Coach Is Murdered, Has Ear Cut Off In Manhattan
Michael Jones, a 25-year-old youth soccer coach, was fatally stabbed early Monday morning in Manhattan, police said. Jones was from Liverpool and worked for Major League Soccer's New York Red Bulls as a coach in the team's youth mentoring program....

How To Drink Red Bull Total Zero: Not At All
The first thing you notice about the experience of drinking Red Bull Total Zero is the dread: ice-cold, sweaty-palm dread, bone deep, and you're still at least a half-hour away from popping the top and actually swallowing the stuff. ...

New York Red Bulls Fans Struggle With Spelling
New York Red Bulls suffered a painful 2-0 loss at home to Sporting KC last night in a match played with little fire in front of few fans. A few supporters showed up, however, and they brought a massive banner using the most tired expression about Kansas since "Bleeding." (Yes, Sporting KC plays in ...

Goalie Can't Make Save, Can Dive Face First Into Goal Post
New York Red Bulls teammates Thierry Henry and Dax McCarty hooked up for a nice goal off an Henry corner kick in the Red Bulls 3-1 win over the Columbus Crew. Poor Crew goalkeeper Andy Gruenebaum made a hell of an effort to stop it, but he came up short....

This Is What The Lincoln Tunnel Looks Like To An F1 Car At 90 MPH
To do some press for the debut of a New Jersey F1 race (which probably won't happen in 2013, as was planned) Red Bull Racing sent David Coulthard through the Lincoln Tunnel with a camera on his car. A speed of 90 mph would get him through the 1.5-mile tunnel in 60 seconds. That's shorter than what...

New York City Is About To Get A New MLS Team That Might Be Owned By A Rich Dude From Dubai
The New York Post reports today that the city is on the verge of approving a deal for a $300 million stadium that would be little more than a corner kick from CitiField and Arthur Ashe Stadium in Flushing Meadows Corona Park....

What Counts In Soccer As A Fight Broke Out After The Red Bulls-Galaxy Match
The MLS playoffs are underway—you knew that, right?—and after the L.A. Galaxy's 1-0 victory over New York Red Bulls things got a bit testy. It wasn't brouhaha levels, mostly because the guy who appeared suffer the most pain (Red Bulls defender Rafael Márquez) wasn't actually touched, as far as any...

Charlie Davies Sues Nightclub And Red Bull For Car Wreck That Nearly Killed Him
"D.C. United's Charlie Davies is suing the owners of a Washington nightclub and the drink company Red Bull for $20 million, claiming they are responsible for a fatal car crash that ended the MLS player's hopes of joining the 2010 U.S. World Cup team. Davies, now 25, was a passenger in the car drive...

Red Bull Arena Has Turned Harrison, New Jersey, Into One Of The Poorest, Most Lawless Places In America
Harrison, New Jersey, used to be a nice town. There was a time when people here didn't lock their doors, and the apothecary made tinctures from local berries. Then the Red Bulls showed up with their Austrian owner and built their stinking $200 million arena. The town took on $39 million in debt to c...

Landon Donovan Is "A (Genitalia)head," And Other Things Of Note
Your morning roundup for May 10, the day the gays were good enough for the Navy but not good enough for Uptown Sports Athlete Representation....

Juan Agudelo Scored A Special Goal Against DC United Last Night
It's weird to see an American striker do this. We're so used to our forwards scoring as a function of being in the right place at the right time. Agudelo scored last night despite bad service and good marking. He created this goal out of nothing. No more Jozy Altidore comparisons, please....

Thierry Henry Is Coming To The MLS, Probably
The French striker is reportedly maybe coming to the MLS's misnomer-laden New York Red Bulls, just as soon as France is knocked out of the World Cup. Or he isn't. Or he is, but we shouldn't talk about it yet....

David Beckham Plays Soccer Like Your Dad
Becks was "often behind the play and seemed winded" in his return to the L.A. Galaxy last night, in front of 22,000 Giants Stadium fans. The last time L.A. played at New York, it was 40,000. [AP]...

Rajon Rondo Likes Fast Cars, Absurd Amounts Of Caffeine
First of all, how could Red Bull pick an NBA player as its first spokesman, and not have him be a member of the Chicago Bulls? Seems like a tragic misstep to me. [Break Media] [Rajon Rondo Blog]...

Red Bull Gives You Product Placement
A German footballer gets in trouble for turning his goal celebration into an advertisement for Red Bull. Because advertising should only be done on jerseys, shoes, balls, fields, seats, every available blank space... [The Spoiler]...

Long Winters Make People Do Crazy Things
Are you a fan of bobsled, but wish they would get rid of those annoying vehicles, and send multiple participants down the track at a time? Well, have we got a method of suicide for you!...

Dude, I Think Stryper Won A Trophy or Something
Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. Frankie Hejduk has been in MLS for nine years. He's done five seasons in Europe four of which were with Bayern Levekusen, including the infamous 1999-2000 campaign when the side needed only a draw against tiny Unterhaching on the last day o...

Why We Love Soccer: The Long, Impossible Circus-Like Goals
At first I figured this had to be one of those doctored Gatorade commercials, like the one in which the ball girl climbed the outfield fence for a foul ball at a minor league baseball game. But no, apparently it's real. Here's New York Red Bulls rookie goalie Danny Cepero following his 81-yard goal ...