rude Page 24 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

All The Unkind Things Bill Simmons Said About His Colleagues In The ESPN Book
One of the most interesting characters to emerge from the ESPN book is the formerly inscrutable Bill Simmons, if only because we've never heard him be so (openly) self-aware before. He again whips out the big swinging dick in some more excerpts....

Matthew Barnaby Broke Down His Wife's Door, Used Racial Slurs, According To Criminal Complaint
Matthew Barnaby pleaded not guilty to five charges, including a felony, stemming from an incident with his estranged wife and her male companion....

Convict Requested, Received Extra Prison Time As Larry Bird Tribute
Eric Torpy went down for armed robbery a few years back and was sentenced to 30 years in an Oklahoma prison. But if there's anything Torpy liked more than armed robbery, it's Larry Bird....

Michael Vick's Dog Receives Key To The City
Back in February, when folks in Dallas were outraged that the city's Mayor Pro Tem had awarded Michael Vick with a key to the city that, he explained, was really "for the children," the Dallas Observer ran the headline that included the phrase, "As It Turns Out, Anybody Can Get a Key to the City of ...

The Constitution Gives You The Right To Flip Off Rival Fans
A huge court ruling has gone completely under the radar. It's not a steroids witch hunt, or a BCS antitrust suit, but something far more important to the day-to-day lives of sports fans: protecting your First Amendment right to bear middle fingers at a football game....

Wrestler Could Have Gotten Away With Robbing A Bank If It Wasn't For His Meddling Fans
On the Combat Zone Wrestling field of battle, Nicholas Wilson went by the name of Nick Gage and his was best known for "his daring feats in the ring." Alas, grappling connoisseurs will go a half decade without seeing said daring feats unless they happen to be in a New Jersey state prison....

Today In Great Quotes
"I didn't touch her," Haynesworth responded, according to the document, adding that he doesn't "even like black girls." — Per ESPN, prosecutors filed paperwork in Superior Court in Washington saying that if football-player extraordinaire Albert Haynesworth agrees to plead guilty to simple assault t...

Albert Haynesworth Allegedly Swiped His Credit Card In A Waitress's Cleavage
This and other details from Haynesworth's indictment on assault charges stemming from a February incident at a DC hotel restaurant. It's one of two pending cases against the soon-to-be-ex-Redskin, and carries the possibility of jail time. [AP]...

Here's Jon Gruden Saying Weird Shit To Future NFL QBs
One reason to bother watching SportsCenter the past few weeks — aside from watching legal baseball highlights, I guess — is the totally bizarre, always somehow informative "QB Camp" series the network has Jon Gruden hosting for a second year. While, like Gruden, we "don't believe half the [expleti...

Phil Jackson's Zenergy Lulled At Least One Person To Sleep In L.A. Last Night
Your morning roundup for April 21, the day after McDonald's "National Hiring Day" in Cleveland got real. Real violent. Like, spitting in faces and hitting people with cars violent....

The Lady Who Yelled At Cops To Stop Beating, Tasing The Patriotic Pirates Fan Was Fined $1,000
Remember the clearly patriotic Pirates fan who got billy clubbed and Tased at PNC Park earlier this month? Of course you do, but here's a link to it anyway. Dude's name is Scott Ashley. He's 40, from Friendship, but isn't due in court until May 25 to face charges of harassment, public drunkenness,...

UGA Recruits Rob UGA Locker Room On UGA Recruiting Visit
We love this story, and you might too depending on your feelings toward SEC football and certain programs. Three people have been arrested in connection with stolen property from the Georgia locker room, and police say the suspects are recruits. That sound you just heard was the exploding heads of t...

Barry Bonds Guilty On One Count Of Obstruction; America Now Safe From The Scourge Of PEDs
After four days of deliberations, the jury in the Barry Bonds case has found the all-time home run leader guilty on one count of obstruction; the defense and the prosecution settled on a mistrial for the remaining three counts of lying to a grand jury. We would like to point out that he is still a p...

Brian Giles' Attorney Takes Ball Out During Trial Break And Has Chuck Knoblauch Sign It
Here's Brent Schrotenboer, who's making his career covering this trial like Star Jones did with O.J., writing in the San Diego Union-Tribune:...

Washed-Up Larry Johnson Has Settled His 2008 Drink-Spitting Lawsuit For $100k
Larry Johnson, most recently of the Washington Redskins and this misspelled jersey, has seen his once blossoming NFL career disappear. Now, a lawsuit regarding an inflection point along Johnson's precipitous fall from grace has disappeared too. Perhaps Johnson wants to know if his career can come ba...

The UVA Lacrosse Murder Case Continues On Its Creepy Path To A Grand Jury
The District Court in Charlottesville, Va. has ruled that the now-infamous case that charges University of Virginia men's lacrosse player George Huguely with the murder of his then-girlfriend, women's team member Yeardley Love, has enough evidence to go to a grand jury....
![Karen Sypher's Lawyers May Need A Refresher Course On Law's Finer Points [CORRECTION]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j51fw71y5fojpg.jpg)
Karen Sypher's Lawyers May Need A Refresher Course On Law's Finer Points [CORRECTION]
Last we heard of Rick Pitino extortionist Karen Sypher's legal counsel, she was performing oral sex on him in his office. But that lawyer testified against her in her trial, so things weren't working out so well there....

This "He Said, She Said" Trial Involving An Ex-NL West Outfielder Is Getting Weird
Of course, we're talking about the palimony case of Olvera v. [Brian] Giles. What did you think we were talking about? Giles' ex-girlfriend is suing him for $10 million that he allegedly promised her after their breakup....

Let's Start The Day With A Story About Kindness
Your morning roundup for March 27, the day people continue to concern themselves with Dennis W. Peterson losing his front teeth at a Hooters....

Identity Of The Lady Who Bared Her Rump For All To See In The Seventies Is Finally Exposed
Your morning roundup for March 24, the day an 8.5-point underdog taps into its inner Jersey Shore, all Socs-versus-Greasers style....