sad-whimsy Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jesus, Have You Looked At The 76ers' Roster?
Just look at this roster. Look at it. ...
Here's What Getting Traded Looks Like
Indians middle infielder Asdrubal Cabrera was traded to the Washington Nationals today. Shortly after the trade was made official, Chronicle Telegram reporter Brian Dulik snapped this picture of Cabrera going all Sad Keanu on us in the hallway outside the Indians locker room....
![Extremely Intoxicated Metro North Passenger Munches On Floor Chips [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Extremely Intoxicated Metro North Passenger Munches On Floor Chips [Update]
This horrible incident occurred on one of New York's Metro North trains, which are often booze-fueled nightmares, full of shit-hammered White Plains residents trying to get home at 1:45 a.m. after drinking themselves stupid in the Meatpacking District....
The Life And Death Of The Runaway Baltimore Bull: A Play In Two Acts
A bull got loose in the streets of Baltimore today. Nobody is sure where the bull came from, or where he was trying to go. All we know is that the bull was spotted by many Baltimore residents, running across the hot pavement of the city's roads, warmed by the summer sun and driven onward by the thri...
Steve Francis Pours Booze All Over Himself In A Club
It's time for yet another edition of What the Hell is Going on With Steve Francis? Today's episode takes us to a club in Miami, where Francis was filmed grooving to "Drunk in Love" by himself while pouring booze all over his own head and face. At the end, he just falls right the hell over. It's all ...
Steve Francis Has Nearly Finished Transforming Into Kuato
This is...concerning....
Steve Francis Isn't Looking So Good These Days, You Guys
Former NBA star Steve Francis recently attended some sort of event in Luizhou, a prefecture in China's Guangxi region, at which many unfortunate photos were taken. Francis is only 37 years old, but he looks rough....
Houston Restaurant "Honors" Matt Schaub With The "Pick Six Burger"
First they burned his jersey, and now this? Matt Schaub, you poor bastard....
Kid At Monster Truck Rally Is Saddest Kid Ever
This young man looked upon the grotesque, motorized monsters as they crushed steel and burned fuel, and he wept a single tear. For America....
Former Atlanta Hawks First-Rounder Has Had A Sad Hawks Career Arc
Cal Bowdler's NBA career probably hasn't gone like he hoped it would. After four years of college ball at Old Dominion, where he led the Colonial Athletic Association in rebounds and blocked shots in 1998 and 1999, Bowdler was selected by the Atlanta Hawks with the 17th overall pick in 1999. He rod...
Kim Jong Un And Dennis Rodman Are Now Friends For Life
Curious about how gigantic weirdo Dennis Rodman's trip to North Korea is going? It's going great! Today, Rodman took in an exhibition basketball game with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. They watched members of the Harlem Globetrotters take on a North Korean "dream team," and then became besties...
Hockey Dad Who Heckled Child, Made Threats While Holding Infant Reportedly Also Cheered When Kid Got Hurt
Father of the Year candidate Jason Boyd, whose caught-on-video outburst at a youth hockey game in Winnipeg we told you about yesterday, didn't just stop at calling a player "a midget" before threatening the boy's father, all while also holding a child in his arms. Nope. Boyd's behavior allegedly g...
Hockey Dad Heckles Children, Makes Violent Threats While Holding His Infant Child
The worst thing about little league sports will always be what it does to the players' parents. There is just something about children playing sports that draws out the darkest parts of the adult soul. Case in point: the madman in the video above who shouts, "He's a midget!" at a child who is tryi...
The Piggyback Bandit Has Struck Again
Sherwin Shayegan, aka the Piggyback Bandit, hasn't been seen or heard from since his summer star-turn, which culminated with this exhaustive account of his sad adventures by Grantland's Bryan Curtis. But earlier this week, Shayegan was back at it after a basketball game at a midwestern junior colleg...
Delmon Young Can Earn $600,000 In Bonus Money By Not Being A Fat Mess
On Tuesday, the Philadelphia Phillies signed Delmon Young, noted anti-semite and worst player to ever win the ALCS MVP, to a one-year, $750,000 contract. Today, we learned that Young's contract has one very peculiar stipulation. From the AP:...
Every Headline About Derrick Rose Is A Black Pit Of Sadness
Here’s a bunch of headlines—written during the past week—about Derrick Rose’s attempts to return to the basketball court that will make you really sad:...
Georgia Woman Exposes Self, Molests Bar Patrons While Watching SEC Championship Game
Watching a big football game at a bar can be fun. You get to drink beer, cheer loudly, and share in the joy of victory or the pain of defeat with other like-minded fans. That experience is probably what patrons of El Jinete and Friends Sports Grill (!) in Dacula, Ga., were looking for when they set...
There Is Nowhere Else To Go But Up For The Washington Wizards
The Washington Wizards lost to the San Antonio Spurs tonight and are now 0-12 on the season. John Wall remains injured but it looks like he has a plan. Or he's falling asleep. Either way....
"Driver's License Belonging to David Petraeus's Lover Found By”: A Brief Index Of Recent Notable Events Involving Joggers
An occasional miscellany (with a head nod toward this great old post on Runner's World's website)....