sad Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Fancy Bears, The Hackers Who Leaked All That Doping Data, Were Agents Of The Russian Military All Along
This morning, the UK’s National Cyber Security Centre and the United States Justice Department accused the Russian government of carrying out cyberattacks against a number of international bodies, including the World Anti-Doping Agency and the U.S.A Anti-Doping Agency. The coordinated announcements ...
Second Lawsuit Says USA Diving Ignored Ongoing Sexual Abuse By A Coach
Another lawsuit was filed earlier this week against USA Diving, saying the organization ignored repeated reports by multiple divers of ongoing sexual abuse by a coach. The lawsuit, filed in federal court, also names an Indiana club known as RipFest Diving, the man who oversaw that club, former Olymp...
USADA Says Jon Jones Can Return To The Octagon As Early As Next Month
The United States Anti-Doping Agency finally announced Wednesday its punishment of Jon Jones, for failing a doping test at UFC 214 last July. The USADA arbitrator found that Jones’s steroid use was unintentional, and hit Jones with a 15-month suspension, retroactive to July 28, 2017....
Mike Zimmer On Why He Cut Kicker Daniel Carlson: "Did You See The Game?"
Being a kicker in the NFL sucks not only because everyone gets mad at you when you fuck up, but also because nobody ever respected you all that much in the first place. How else to explain Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer answering a question about why he cut kicker Daniel Carlson—who missed three fie...
The Good-For-Nothing Nationals Came Within One Lousy Run Of The Rare All-69 Trifecta
The Nationals beat the Cardinals by one run in extras on Labor Day. Who gives a shit, right? The Nationals are junk. The loss could matter to the Cardinals in their pursuit of an NL Wild Card, but that is not why we are here. We are here for this:...
D.C. United Ball Boy Does His Job A Little Too Well
There was a lot to like in D.C. United’s 4-1 win over the Portland Timbers Wednesday night, namely the continued resurgence of old man Wayne Rooney, who scored two goals, including one extremely sweet free kick. The best highlight of the night, though, came from this deadly accurate ball boy. ...
Reports: J.R. Smith Investigated For Chucking A Dude's Phone Outside A Bar
J.R. Smith doesn’t seem to have let fucking up the NBA Finals for LeBron stop him from enjoying his summer. According to TMZ and the New York Daily News, Smith was partying in New York this past weekend when he grabbed a nosy fan’s phone and hurled the damn thing into a construction zone. Now, he’s ...
Most Embarrassing NFL Team Now Has Most Embarrassing Slogan
It’s never good to be a sports franchise that is so synonymous with failure that the prospect of brighter days ahead seems all but unimaginable. That ship sailed and sunk for the Cleveland Browns a long time ago, but now they seem to be attempting to reach an even more shameful depth. It’s one thing...
Ryan Lochte Suspended A Year Over Incredible Instagram Self-Own
The United States Anti-Doping Agency announced this morning that jolly bro airhead Ryan Lochte would be suspended for 14 months for “his use of a prohibited method.” As the language of USADA’s release hints at, Lochte’s is not a normal doping violation, which is not surprising since Lochte is not a ...
Ohio State Report: Diving Coach Accused Of Sexually Abusing Teen Said It Was Just Flirting
Ohio State released today its investigative report into what happened when multiple people told the university in 2014 that then-assistant diving coach William Bohonyi was having a sexual relationship with a teenage diver. The documents goes over the multiple people who reported what they had heard,...
A Very Depressing NBA Trade
The Sacramento Kings selected Ben McLemore out of the University of Kansas with the seventh overall pick in the 2013 draft. It was a surprise he’d fallen that far, and the Kings were very glad to have him. “Ben McLemore was our dream choice from the get-go,” owner Vivek Ranadivé said after the draft...
Lawsuit Says USA Diving Ignored Sexual Abuse Of Divers
A lawsuit filed last week adds USA Diving to the list of U.S. Olympic Committee-certified national governing bodies that have allegedly enabled the abuse of young female athletes. The lawsuit, filed in an Indiana federal court, describes one coach in particular who has habitually raped his divers, a...
Donald Trump Pauses Historically Embarrassing Press Conference To Toss A Soccer Ball At His Wife
Donald Trump just finished up a joint press conference with Russian president Vladimir Putin, during which he has stopped just short of offering to lay down on the stage and suck Putin’s toes. He also interacted strangely with a soccer ball before bouncing it in the direction of his wife:...
Play-By-Play Man Calls The Destruction Of His Own Computer Like A True Pro
Roger Hoover is the play-by-play man for the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, and during yesterday’s game against the Mobile BayBears, a foul ball zipped into the press box and wrecked Hoover’s computer. Hoover, keeping things professional, just sat there and relayed the action to listeners, describing th...
An Anti-Doping Agent Occupied Serena Williams’s Property And Everyone Is Being Squirrelly About It<em></em>
Depending on your perspective, this is a story about Serena Williams getting upset over an unannounced drug test, or the alternately sinister and clownish nature of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, or Serena Williams being unfairly targeted for drug tests by USADA—or, perhaps, the perils of talking too ...
Diego Maradona Explains His Wild World Cup Behavior: "My Neck Hurt A Lot"
Argentina soccer legend and stubby crazy person Diego Maradona was acting pretty nuts during yesterday’s World Cup game between Argentina and Nigeria. His rolling eyes and sloppy teetering, combined with the fact that he had to be carried away from his seat and visited by doctors after the game, mad...
The Orioles Finally, Mercifully Shelved Chris Davis
It appears the Orioles will not, in fact, let Chris Davis have the worst season in baseball history. Davis hasn’t played this week, and Friday night Orioles manager Buck Showalter reportedly indicated there’s no timetable for his return. This news is less happy than, say, news of Davis breaking out ...
Are The Orioles Going To Let Chris Davis Have The Worst Season Ever?
Orioles first baseman Chris Davis is in real danger of having the worst season in the history of baseball. That’s not a joke or hyperbole. He’s playing unbelievably, historically bad baseball:...
Idiot Snake On The Field Pays Ultimate Price For Love Of Baseball
In the eighth inning of a San Antonio Missions Double-A game Friday night, a true baseball loving snake invaded the outfield and began making his way towards the infield, no doubt in search of the best possible view of the night’s action. Unfortunately, for his curiosity and enthusiasm for America’s...
The Thunder Hit Rock Bottom, Where They Found A Gloating Mitt Romney
If you want a tangible explanation for why the Oklahoma City Thunder are down 3-1 in their playoff series against the Jazz and seem destined for a first-round exit, take your pick: Rudy Gobert has effectively canceled out Russell Westbrook’s ability to drive to the hoop; Russell Westbrook has no jum...