scary Page 20 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Case Against "The Case Against Lance Armstrong"
Maybe you've heard about Sports Illustrated's exciting new Lance Armstrong feature. At bottom, it's a story about a corrupt man who gets away with cheating because the people who'd ordinarily police it have decided to look the other way....
The Novitzky Scalps
Barry Bonds: Charged with four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he never knowingly used steroids. The substance he's accused of taking, The Clear, was neither illegal nor specifically banned by baseball at the time of his testimony. Trial is ...
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been An Idiot?
The argument here — that we're justified in suspecting Jeff Bagwell of using steroids because he "never uttered a word" or "demand[ed] accountability" about PEDs in baseball — is straight-up HUACtastic bullshit, no chaser....
Batshit Hall Of Fame Voter: "I Compare PED Users To Murderers"
And we compare Lowell Cohn to a cymbal-banging monkey toy. I'm beginning to suspect HOF voters really do fancy themselves an elite task force of karacter kops. Drugs make people crazy. A Hall of Fame ballot makes people crazier. [PressDemocrat.com, Business Insider]...
Get Over Yourself, Narc
Here's New York Times drug-sniffing dog Michael S. Schmidt, licking his own crotch over his Jose Guillen-HGH story: "With a lineup filled with castoffs, they have become a remarkable October story, but the Guillen disclosure may put at least a small dent in the positive attention they have generated...
Roger Clemens To Be Charged With Lying To Congress About Scary, Scary Drugs
The feds, basking in the glow of their wildly successful perjury prosecution of Barry Bonds, will reportedly indict Roger Clemens on charges that he made false statements to Congress about his PED use. [NYT]...
Would The World Anti-Doping Agency Kindly Shut The Hell Up?
The World Anti-Doping Agency, i.e., the people who once banned caffeine, now demands that baseball violate federal labor law and unilaterally impose a testing regime of dubious efficacy for a substance of uncertain benefits. Why does anyone take WADA seriously anymore?...
David Robinson Spotted In His Natural Habitat: Comic-Con
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Here's Something To Ease You Off Your Fear Of Clowns
This Juarez street clown was arrested Wednesday on an alleged sexual assault charge filed by his teenage stepdaughter. Freaky, yes, but not as freaky as the Phil Spector mug shot. [The Smoking Gun]...
Pickpockets And Super Afrikaners On The Other Side Of The Sausage Curtain
PRETORIA, South Africa — My host in Pretoria gave me this can of pepper spray to fend off bandits. I didn't have it when the bad men struck....
“Have You Had Any Black Girls?” Asked The Afrikaner With The Mohawk
PRETORIA, South Africa — People here keep telling me I look South African. What they mean is that I look Afrikaner. (Yes, I'm white, and I dress poorly.) Looking Afrikaner sucks because inevitably you get approached by scary people who think they've found a fellow traveler....
"If They Decide To Start Killing Us," The Young Afrikaner Said, "We Are Ready"
JOHANNESBURG — See this button? It's called a panic button. It was given to me by my hosts at a guesthouse in Johannesburg. If I press it, I was told, men with automatic weapons will appear and possibly spray the street with bullets in order to quell the panic....
Which One Of These Geniuses Do You Think Ran Onto Wrigley Field Yesterday?
"Dude" or "Sweet." Take your time. Think it over. Would "Dude," with his tilted hat, be brave enough to do it even though he doesn't appear to be wearing enough sunblock? Or will "Sweet" do the honors?...
Santana Moss Is Your PED Bogeyman Of The Moment
According to the Washington Post, Moss received SCARY SCARY DRUG Human Growth Hormone from Canadian pixie Anthony Galea. [Washington Post]...
Aww, Some Football Writers Apparently Want A PED Hysteria Of Their Own
"Memo to 18 AP voters who let Brian Cushing keep his award, despite clear PED use: you should be drug-tested yourselves," Sports Illustrated's Austin Murphy tweeted yesterday. "What a f'ing joke." Sigh....
Brian Cushing Can Keep His Crummy Award
The AP took its ridiculous revote, and 21 of 39 voters decided to feign outrage that the defensive ROY used a banned substance in a sport that'd look like Ultimate Frisbee if it weren't for "banned" substances. He's still ROY, though. [NYT]...
Coach K Is A Loathsome, Humorless Prig, Part 1,294
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Ron Washington Tested Positive For Cocaine Last Year, Which, Let's Be Honest, Is Pretty Awesome
SI.com narc Jon Heyman reports that Ron Washington, the Rangers' 57-year-old manager and all-around swell guy, indulged in a popular but illicit recreational drug last year. "I did make a mistake," he tells SI.com, speaking very, very quickly. [SI.com]...
Exciting Development In The Abridgement Of Athletes' Rights: Blood Testing For HGH!
MLB plans to implement blood testing for HGH in the minors, and the NFL wants to start drawing blood, too, and somehow this is being framed as an exciting development instead of yet more tilting and yet another windmill....