screamer Page 119 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
José Mourinho Continues To Lose, Then Give Great Postgame Interviews
Chelsea lost at home today, as they’ve been doing all season, and José Mourinho gave some performatively defiant comments about his tenuous job status, as he’s been doing all season. Chelsea’s season from hell got worse as they let Liverpool come back and beat them 3-1 on a pair of tremendous Coutin...
Kyle Walker Freaks Out More Tottenham Players With Halloween Prank
Kyle Walker is back as the Tottenham video team’s avatar in their seasonal effort to get the club’s players to squeal like children. Some good shrieks up there, and while Jan Vertonghen’s reaction isn’t quite as stoic as last time, his countryman Mousa Dembélé makes up for it....
Turkish Club President Locks Refs In Stadium Overnight For Not Calling Penalty
Ibrahim Hacıosmanoğlu, president of Turkish Süper Lig club Trabzonspor, was upset with the referees after his team’s 2-2 draw against Gaziantepspor. So much so, he instructed stadium security not to let the refs out of the of building, holding them captive until 4 a.m. the next day, only releasing t...
Jermaine Jones Gets Red Card, Attacks Referee
Jermaine Jones, German-born USMNTer currently in MLS to get some checks and play whatever position he wants, has a history of getting heated and falling ass first into some stupid red cards. Back at Schalke, he got suspended for two months for stomping on Marco Reus’s foot....
Juan Agudelo Thumps Home Bicycle Kick Goal
Ahh, Juan Agudelo. What can you say about him that you haven’t already said about a dozen other massively talented but inconsistent and ultimately disappointing young strikers? In case you needed a reminder of his promise, here he is in the knockout round of the MLS Cup Playoffs putting the New Engl...
Watch This Harrowing Documentary About The Working Conditions In Qatar
Sometimes it’s easy to get wrapped up in FIFA’s more bureaucratic forms of corruption and forget that the biggest crime by far that soccer’s governing body has committed was aiding and abetting the workplace atrocities that are so prevalent in Qatar....
Venezuelan Soccer Man Is A Magician With The Ball. Literally. He Can Do Magic.
Usually when you call a soccer player magical or a wizard with the ball, you’re using the terms metaphorically. Not here. This is not a drill. Zamora striker César Martínez really has magic powers. Watch this goal celebration and tell yourself otherwise:...
Sepp Blatter Says U.S. Was Supposed To Hold 2022 World Cup
Just when you think Sepp Blatter has revealed the full extent of his kooky theories and self-centered worldview, he opens his mouth again and wows you with even more crazy talk. In his newest interview, Blatter elucidates his belief that the entire FIFA scandal was a covert ploy by Michel Platini an...
Gerard Deulofeu Is Kind Of A Nutcase But I Love Him All The Same
If the whole of Arsenal’s 2-1 win over Everton this weekend left me with any lasting impression, it was that I should give more respect to the Gunners’ budding title charge; they more or less coasted to another three points against formidable opposition, the sort of thing they’ve seemed capable of i...
The Names On The FIFA Ballot Sound Made-Up
With Sepp Blatter (a pretty funny name in its own right) on his way out, the FIFA presidency is wide open. The rogues’ gallery of candidates are already positioning themselves—human rights groups accuse one potential frontrunner, Sheikh Salman bin Ebrahim al-Khalifa of Bahrain, of literally snitchin...
Russian Idiot On The Field Uses MacGyver Skills To Escape Security
The only thing more stereotypically Russian than the urge to sprint out onto the pitch in celebration of your team scoring is successfully fleeing back into the crowd before security apprehends you. Shouts out to the crowd for their teamwork. (Warning: video’s kinda loud.)...
Didier Drogba, Who's Destroying MLS, Says MLS Has A Lot To Improve
Didier Drogba, one of our favorite players over the years who’s nonetheless closer to middle age than the middle of his playing prime, gave some of the gentle yet unambiguous real talk that former European stars cashing checks in MLS are prone to hand down from time to time. Surprise surprise, he do...
Crowd Howls In Laughter After Humiliated Striker Misses Open Net
Ah, the distinct charm of lower league soccer. One second you’re awed by an inch-perfect, outside-of-the-foot 40-yard through ball sending a teammate clear on goal, the next you’re doubled over in laughter when the striker can’t walk it into the net....
Barnsley Fan Falls Asleep On Stadium Toilet For Seven Hours, Loses Hat
League One (the third tier of English soccer) Barnsley are currently in the shitter, having won just four games in 14, and in position to be relegated to League Two at the end of the season. Yesterday a supporter joined them....
Daniel Sturridge Has No Luck
If you wanted more proof that Daniel Sturridge is cursed with terrible, rotten, no-good luck, here you go: after finally returning to action about a month ago after last spring’s hip surgery, the Liverpool striker is set to miss his third consecutive match with knee discomfort and will undergo a sca...
Three Friends Take A Selfie
Look, we have a fun new picture. It’s of our friend, Sergio Agüero. And his friend, UK Prime Minister David Cameron. And their other friend, Chinese President Xi Jinping. Big smiles all around....
Germany's Explanation For Their World Cup Bribery Scandal Makes No Sense
Last week, the German soccer association (DFB) was rocked by allegations that they had bribed four FIFA executives in exchange for the hosting rights for the 2006 World Cup. Today, the head of the DFB gave a press conference to address the allegations. He did not do much to clear things up....
Bastian Schweinsteiger To Sue Company Making Nazi Soldier Toy That Looks Like Him
On left side of the picture above, we have Bastian Schweinsteiger, Germany captain and Manchester United midfielder. On the right is “Bastian,” a Chinese toy company’s newest Nazi soldier in its WWII collection. You can probably understand why the real Bastian is a little upset....
Ref Chosen For <i>El Clásico</i> Claims He Was Ordered To Favor Real Madrid
A Spanish referee has filed a complaint with local police, claiming that upon notice that he was to be selected as the line judge in next month’s Real Madrid-Barcelona match, his bosses made it clear that he was to make decisions in favor of the Madrid club....
Black Dynamo Kiev Fans Attacked By Other Dynamo Kiev Fans
The Guardian has a pretty disturbing report from Ukraine, where Dynamo Kiev and Chelsea drew 0-0 yesterday in Champions League action. According to the paper, UEFA is investigating attacks in the stands on four black Dynamo Kiev supporters, suffered at the hands of their fellow home fans. In an atte...