screamer Page 37 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Zinedine Zidane, The Perfect Real Madrid Manager, Left In Perfect Style
In the mother of all mic drops, Zinedine Zidane called a snap press conference today and announced that he was quitting his post as manager of Real Madrid, mere days after winning his record-setting third Champions League trophy in a row. It was the perfect cap to a perfect marriage of coach and clu...
Jaelene Hinkle Turned Down USWNT Call-Up Because She Didn't Want To Wear LGBTQ Pride Jersey
Jaelene Hinkle is a 25-year-old American soccer player who currently plays for the NWSL’s North Carolina Courage. Last June, the defender was named to the USWNT’s roster to play in a couple friendlies, but refused the call-up, citing “personal reasons.” In a recent interview, the devout Christian at...
Real Madrid Manager Zinedine Zidane Abruptly Resigns Days After Winning The Champions League
Less than a week after leading Real Madrid to their third consecutive Champions League title in a 3-1 win over Liverpool on Saturday, manager Zinedine Zidane announced today in a shocking press conference that he was stepping down from the club....
The Best Club In The World Is Real Madrid
Three Champions League titles in a row. Four such trophies in five years. The plain facts of Real Madrid’s astounding recent run in soccer’s most prestigious club competition means this Madrid team will go down in the sport’s history as maybe the single best exemplar of opulent, unimpeachable succes...
Liverpool Are Just Getting Started
It’s been a few days since Liverpool’s loss to Real Madrid in the Champions League final, and hopefully in that time fans of the Reds have managed to put the pain of the result in proper perspective. Yes, it sucks to see a magical season like that end in such heartrending fashion, but make no mistak...
Idiot On The Field Caps Off Perfect Champions League Final
Real Madrid claimed the Champions League trophy with a 3-1 win thanks to Liverpool keeper Loris Karius becoming some kind of player who puts the ball into his own net instead of keeping it out. More importantly, an Idiot On The Field interrupted play and prevented Cristiano Ronaldo from his own scor...
ESPN Deportes Announcers Are Losing Their Minds In The Champions League Final
Loris Karius’s embarrassing blunder that led to the opening goal in today’s Champions League final may have put Real Madrid up for a short-lived 1-0 lead, but it’s a moment ESPN Deportes announcers appear they will remember for the rest of their lives:...
Arsenal Have A New Manager, But Still Don't Seem To Know Who They Want To Be
Arsenal have been in the midst of an identity crisis for some time now. Once it became clear that the club’s iconic, long-serving manager Arsène Wenger had seen his once-adamantine grasp on the levers of success steadily loosen over the years—a slackening some overly unsympathetic spectators might s...
Does MLS Still Suck Ass? An Investigation
Here are the L.A. Galaxy, historically MLS’s premier outfit, the team that currently employs the league’s most high-profile player in Zlatan Ibrahimović, boasts the second-highest total salary expenditure this season, and is currently spending more money on defenders than anyone else in MLS, in Mond...
Eden Hazard Is Too Good For Chelsea
Chelsea beat Manchester United in the F.A. Cup final this weekend in a match that was bad for connoisseurs of sumptuous soccer but good for haters of José Mourinho and for fans of Eden Hazard. That last aspect of the game’s outcome is a positive not only because it’s always cool to see a great and f...
Whose Face Is This On Brandi Chastain's Hall Of Fame Plaque?
American soccer legend Brandi Chastain was inducted into the Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame yesterday, where she was honored with an unveiling of a bronze plaque of her likeness. Only it wasn’t her face. It was Peter King’s!...
Argentina FA Puts Out World Cup Manual With Chapter On Picking Up Russian Women
The Argentine Football Association, the country’s governing body of soccer, held on Tuesday a course for players, coaches, executives, and reporters heading to Russia for next month’s World Cup. The course, taught by Russian language teacher, Eduardo Pennisi, included a manual, “Russian Language and...
Angry Hamburgers Riot After Team Relegated For First Time In Club's 99-Year History
Hamburgers, enflamed and heated by their club’s first relegation in its 99-year history, disrupted Hamburg’s match against Borussia Monchengladbach in the final minutes with flares, smoke bombs, and chants of protest:...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Looks To Be Headed To D.C. United
A year after Wayne Rooney left Manchester United to return to his boyhood club, Everton, the former England great is reportedly on the cusp on joining D.C. United in MLS. United will reportedly pay a £12 million transfer fee for Rooney....
Jozy Altidore's Foot Surgery Could Put His World Cup In Dange—Oh Wait Goddammit
In a better world, the news that Toronto FC and USMNT striker Jozy Altidore’s underwent foot surgery yesterday would’ve been awful. Oh Christ, you would’ve thought to yourself after seeing the Altidore news in this hypothetical world where the weather’s a little nicer and your parent company is a li...
Fair And Balanced Referee Knocks Over Defender, Then Goes And Trips Attacker
Apparently they don’t teach referees in Turkey how to avoid standing right in the middle of the action so as not to bowl over a guy with the ball, though it looks like they do teach them how to remedy a situation like that by sneakily taking the legs out from under a player on the other team, so it ...
Mario Balotelli Scores Wonderful Goal, Talks Shit About Referees
When last we heard from our favorite mohawked madman, Mario Balotelli, it right about this time last year as he came to the close of what turned out to be an unexpectedly impressive but still quintessentially Balotellian inaugural season with Nice in France. We are delighted to inform you that since...
Barcelona And Real Madrid Combined For One Exquisitely Dumb <i>Clásico</i>
Spain’s El Clásico remains the biggest and best rivalry in all of soccer. Especially during the last decade, when matches between Barcelona and Real Madrid practically always meant matches between two historically great teams who desired nothing more than to stick a shiv into their most hated foes’ ...
Michael Buffer Announces Soccer Lineup While Being Soaked By A Sprinkler
It’s never really a bad idea to get famous boxing announcer Michael Buffer to show up at a sporting event and get people ready to rumble. This is mostly because he’ll always do the job well—he’s had plenty of practice—even when unforeseen obstacles arise. Just ask the fans in attendance at Sunday’s ...