screamer Page 51 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The USMNT Got Exactly What It Deserved
So here we are. After a shambolic qualifying campaign full of perceived nadirs, false dawns, and nearly constant disappointment, the USMNT has finished behind Mexico and Costa Rica and Panama and Honduras in the hexagonal table. The U.S. fell to Trinidad & Tobago last night, and will not compete in ...
Fuck All Of This
There is a certain type of American who, as he or she watched the seconds tick down on the USMNT’s devastating loss to Trinidad & Tobago and, moments later, those in Honduras’s stunning win over Mexico, felt a rush of self-important pride. Whether it be for reasons of philosophical differences about...
"This Is An Utter Embarrassment"
“WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHAT ARE WE DOING!???”...
U.S.A. Out Of World Cup On Phantom Goal<em></em>
A nightmare World Cup cycle for the USMNT came to an end tonight, as a 2-1 U.S. loss to Trinidad and Tobago, coupled with wins by Panama and Honduras, eliminated the Americans from the competition....
Lionel Messi Saves Argentina's Ass
Tonight couldn’t have started any worse for Argentina. On the outside looking in at the beginning of the final day of World Cup qualification, they needed a win in Ecuador to at least keep their hopes alive. But within the first minute, the home side delivered a stunning blow, taking a very quick, p...
Oh No
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Trinidad And Tobago's Golazo Adds To American Frustration
All the USMNT needed tonight was some sort of result in order to get peace of mind and guarantee World Cup qualification, but an own goal from Omar Gonzalez, and then, a stunning long-distance golazo from Trinidad & Tobago’s Alvin Jones has put the Americans down 2-0 at half....
Iceland's Soccer Warriors Do Thor Proud By Qualifying For Their First World Cup Ever
Iceland is a nation that for generations has gazed upon the horizon and seen dozens of armies gearing up for the battle that is World Cup qualifying, each one with infantry ranks wildly outnumbering their own. Yet in the face of this enormous challenge the mighty Icelanders sharpened their swords wi...
Scotland National Team Manager Wants Big Scots To Hump And Make Tall Players
Gordon Strachan, manager of the Scotland national soccer team, has given lots of thought to what exactly is plaguing his native country’s soccer. Insufficient funding? His own bad coaching? The natural limitations of a nation of only about five million people? All minor issues by Strachan’s reckonin...
The USMNT's World Cup Qualifier Might Be A Little Underwater
The U.S. Men’s National Team can all but clinch a place in the 2018 World Cup with any sort of result at Trinidad and Tobago on Tuesday evening. Except: It’s now looking kind of questionable whether the match will be able to be played. The pitch at Ato Boldon Stadium in Couva is sodden and in places...
Dutch Soccer Player Somehow Misses Wide-Open Goal
The Harkemase Boys, of Holland’s fourth tier, were up 2-0 when Dennis van Duinen made a beautiful run, shook off a defender, beat the keeper, and faced a completely empty net. With glory a heartbeat away, he doinked the ball right over the crossbar....
Egypt Qualify For The World Cup And No One Is Happier Than This Sweet Old Dad
Mohamed Salah was Egypt’s hero yesterday, scoring twice in a 2-1 win over Congo that officially stamped the Egyptians’ tickets to next summer’s World Cup. This is just the third time Egypt have ever qualified for the World Cup, and will be their first one since 1990. Hence why this cute old man melt...
Ghana Effectively Knocked Out Of World Cup Qualifying By Bullshit Offside Call
Raphael Dwamena’s match-winning goal with 15 seconds remaining in added time against Uganda came off the board as South African referee Daniel Bennett inexplicably ruled Dwamena to be offside, effectively eliminating Ghana from World Cup contention. ...
Christian Pulisic And The USMNT Are Destroying Panama
The USMNT needed to whoop on Panama tonight, and they got off to a thrilling start, unzipping the Panamanian defense twice in the first 20 minutes and adding a penalty right before halftime. The entire first half was a thrilling affair despite the soggy Orlando pitch, and there could have been at le...
Lionel Messi Is All Alone
It’s a funny thing, talking about what an athlete deserves. Sports are the ultimate results-oriented business, where no matter how much you love your mother or how kind and considerate you are to lovers and waiters or even how well you played in any given game, if the final whistle blows and you loo...
Harry Kane's Stoppage-Time Goal Sends England To The World Cup
Of course it had to be Harry Kane, England’s captain on the night, the so-called “one-year wonder” who has been defying skeptics with an unending deluge of goals for about three years now, his home nation’s one true world-class player, who came to England’s rescue tonight. After a fairly drab displa...
Which Of These Are Real FA Cup Team Names?
Part of the appeal of the FA Cup is the chance to see lesser-known teams potentially upset big-name clubs. But even if you care about this particular competition, you’re probably not paying that much attention until the Premier League teams start playing. We wanted to know if even real soccer fans—...
U.S./Mexico/Canada World Cup Bid Cuts Host City List To 32
On the same day that Brazilian federal police made early-morning corruption arrests of three Olympic committee executives, including the head of the Rio 2016 Committee—a good reminder that people do financially benefit from hosting major international sporting events, just never the people that are ...
Cops: Belligerent Alex Morgan Causes Scene At Disney World, Namedrops Orlando's SWAT Team
A group of American-based soccer players, including the USWNT and Orlando Pride’s Alex Morgan, were escorted out of Disney World’s EPCOT last Sunday for being impaired and verbally aggressive, according to an Orange County Sheriff’s incident report....
Look At This Big Dumb World Cup Stadium
Soccer fans who travel to see some hot World Cup action next summer in Yekaterinburg, the easternmost of Russia’s 11 host cities, will not only get to watch soccer from inside a stadium, they’ll also simultaneously get to watch soccer from outside the very same stadium, thanks to some creative const...