screamer Page 54 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Marco Asensio Will Miss Champions League Match After Hurting Himself Shaving His Legs
In a recent interview, Real Madrid’s Marco Asensio recalled that manager Zinedine Zidane once told him that the wonderkid was in possession of the best left foot since Lionel Messi’s. Sadly, we won’t get to see that special foot in action today, not after Asensio injured himself while trying to pret...
Barcelona Are Still One Of The Greats
Catalonia was in panic mode this past month, as the shock departure of Neymar to PSG dealt a debilitating blow to a Barcelona squad that already wasn’t running at peak efficiency. For a fan base that has become accustomed to not just consistent success, but consistent domination, this was unacceptab...
The World Needs Manchester City To Free Leroy Sané
This weekend’s Manchester City-Liverpool match was all set to be the game of the week and maybe even one of the games of the season, but then Sadio Mané got sent off towards the end of the first half for nearly embedding the studs of his right boot into Ederson’s skull, and right then and there the ...
Alexi Lalas Berates The Entire USMNT
Most domestic TV coverage of the USMNT is frustratingly friendly to the national team, and it’s rare to hear much cutting criticism, even when the team is playing like shit (which it is right now). Sunday night, however, one of the team’s biggest TV cheerleaders turned all his energy back on the squ...
The English Premier League Is Dumb And Ruthless
Proud Americans were disappointed last season when Bob Bradley—the coach we hoped would be the Christian Pulisic of American managers, but turned out more like the coaching game’s Julian Green—was unceremoniously ousted from his coaching position at Swansea City after only 11 matches in charge. So C...
Thus Begins The Thrilling, Terrifying Neymar-Mbappé-Cavani Era
Today marked Paris Saint-Germain’s official unveiling of what should prove to be a legendary (and is already legendarily expensive) forward line of Neymar (€222 million), Kylian Mbappé (€180 million), and Edinson Cavani (€63 million). And while the team naturally doesn’t have the tactical gears tick...
FIFA Wants To Know Who Dele Alli Was Flipping The Bird To<em></em>
It’s a little hard to summarize this one, so I’ll start with just the facts and explain later: Late on during Monday’s England-Slovakia World Cup qualifier, Dele Alli raised his middle finger at ... someone, and now FIFA is looking into it to determine if the target of Alli’s bird was someone who co...
Premier League Votes To Close Transfer Window Before Season Begins
After much discussion about the relative pros and cons of the strategy, Premier League teams have reached an agreement today that, starting next year, the league’s summer transfer window will close the day before the season starts....
FIFA Orders World Cup Qualifier To Be Replayed After Referee Banned For Life
Last November, South Africa beat Senegal 2-1 in a World Cup qualifying match, their only win through four qualifying games. However, a few months after the game, Joseph Lamptey, the referee in charge, was found guilty of “unlawfully influencing match results” and was subsequently banned for life. He...
The USMNT Doesn't Deserve To Qualify For The World Cup
For the majority of casual fans, international soccer is a game of tournaments. Outside of high-profile friendlies or marquee qualifying matches, this sort of ephemeral casual fandom more or less hibernates between the big tournaments, the beginnings of which reawaken rabid patriotism and communal p...
Costa Rica And Mexico Draw After Gorgeous Marco Ureña Golazo
Costa Rica got their only goal of the night in tonight’s World Cup qualifying match against Mexico from Marco Ureña, who tied things up with this laser into the corner of the net:...
Uruguay Probably Through To The World Cup On Two Goofy Goals
Fede Valverde, the 19-year-old Real Madrid prospect who is not racist, just made an enormous impact with what Ray Hudson dubbed a “wicked deflection” in his debut match for Uruguay. The young midfielder got lucky in the 76th minute, scoring a long-range goal that bounced through the defense and beca...
USMNT Lose 1-1
The USMNT avoided disaster in the most depressing way possible today against Honduras, riding a late short-range tap-in from Bobby Wood off a screaming Kellyn Acosta free kick to draw Honduras, 1-1. The score flatters the U.S., who gave their second consecutive pitiful performance and are lucky to r...
Willian's Volleyed Banger Puts Brazil Up On Colombia
Brazil and Colombia are playing right now in what will hopefully be tonight’s only competitive World Cup qualifying match, and Willian—owner of the sporting world’s best afro since Randy Moss’s—thumped the snot out of the ball en route to scoring this beauty:...
Slavery-Supporting Nation's Propaganda Arm Buys Kylian Mbappé In Super Shady Transfer
Qatar is a loathsome county built on corruption, a labor system that closely resembles slavery, and the support of the murder of innocent people through the financial backing of terrorists. Qatar is also the owner of French club Paris Saint-Germain, the country’s luxurious and extravagantly gilded s...
Former USMNT "Savior" Julian Green Sent Away To A Last-Place Club With No Manager
Faster than you can say “Freddy Adu,” Julian Green is on the move again....
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Flees Sinking Ship For Liverpool
There had to be a point during Liverpool’s curb-stomping of Arsenal this past weekend when a few Gunners thought to themselves I’ve got to get the hell out of here. After being announced as Liverpool’s newest signing today, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain became the first to make good on that sentiment. He ...
Just What In The Goddamn Hell Are Barcelona Doing In The Transfer Market?
Death, taxes, and Barcelona doing some fuck shit in the summer 2017 transfer window. These are the three constants in life, and boy does that last one keep reminding us of its omnipresence....
Overconfident Goalkeeper Pays For His Casualness With Huge Boner
Ross County’s Scott Fox must’ve thought Rangers forward Alfredo Morelos had slid off the edge of the flat Earth after the keeper managed to juke away from Morelos’s tackle deep in Fox’s own penalty area. Unfortunately, the Earth is not flat—or at least the edge of it is not located just off the boun...
This Already Scary Liverpool Team Is Getting Even Better
Liverpool have spent the last generation in a strange state, a sort of high-end irrelevance. They’ve remained, for all but the topmost tier of players, a destination club—one with plentiful resources, a winning tradition, and one of the strongest fan bases in world soccer. The problem, though, is th...