sec Page 30 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Aural Secs: David Ortiz's 30-Second Tater Trot Explained With Music
In honor of David Ortiz's Roger Bannister moment last night, an Aural Secs is in order. Unlike frequent Aural Secs subject Usain Bolt, Ortiz is quite slow, so we're going with the final chord in "A Day In The Life."...

Stories That Don't Suck: The Kentucky Derby Is Faulkneresque, Heartbreaking And, As Always, Decadent And Depraved
Every week, Tommy will excerpt a handful of stories - old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime - that he urges you to read for one reason or another. Today, I'm filling in. Still, send suggestions: [email protected]....

Aural Secs: Usain Bolt's 8.79 Explained With Music
Usain Bolt once again did something ridiculous, this time running an 8.79 anchor leg in the 4x100 at the Penn Relays. And once again, we illustrate how fast this is with a snippet of music. [Yahoo!, music via The Ramones]...

Jose Canseco Particularly Concerned With Government-Ordered Extermination
Canseco, never one to filter his thoughts on Twitter, outdid himself this week. Sure, it's all likely part of some desperate attempt to drum up publicity, but...uh...damn. You're welcome, I guess. High(?)lights below:...

Security Guard Beats Up Fan At Dodgers Game
This video, shot on Opening Day at Dodger Stadium, has it all: some casual racism, a flying chest-kick, the security-guard-on-fan action that everyone loves, and the inevitable Greek chorus yelling, "It's going on YouTube!" [YouTube; earlier]...

Welcome Back, Duke Persecution Complex
At left is the front page of the Charlotte Observer the day after North Carolina won the 2009 national championship. At right, this morning's front page. Dookies, you may now return to your hilariously overblown sense of persecution....

Florida Marlins More Popular Than Ever In Restrooms
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Jose Canseco, Always Known For Attention To Privacy
Canseco and his girlfriend (or split personality) are currently carrying out a spat on Twitter. I just want to know which one just called me "sweetie," because I'm a little turned on. [@josecanseco]...

Time For March Madness Vasectomies Already? A Deadspin Pledge
Like the Filet-O-Fish song, it's a peripheral American tradition: doctors pushing vasectomies during the NCAA tournament. And then, of course, the media breathlessly writing about it....

It's 6:30 AM, And Jake Delhomme Just Threw Another Interception
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Sorry, ESPN, But Your Audience Does Not Want To Read About Florida QB's Dad's Prostate Cancer, Apparently
Granted, this was an odd story to have on the front page of ESPN, but it certainly didn't warrant the anonymous, angry hordes completely knee-capping the thing in the cruelest ways possible....

David Geffen Knows This Song Is About Him (UPDATE)
Carly Simon has apparently revealed the subject of "You're So Vain," and it's David Freaking Geffen, who is gay. (Um, "wife of a close friend"?) Better him than Cat Stevens, I guess. (UPDATE: Or not!) [The Sun, via UkraineNotWeak]...

Poor Layla Kiffin's Facebook Fan Page Has Also Been Set On Fire
Last year, Clay Travis started a Facebook fan page called "Our Coach's Wife Is Hotter Than Yours" when Layla was still wearing Circus Peanut orange as a member of the UT family. In recent hours, she's lost some fans....

Jose Canseco Still Wants People To Hear The TRUTH, Dammit
Wasn't it just a short time ago that Jose Canseco said he regretted naming names in "Juiced" and wanted to personally apologize to those he outed? October, 2008, to be exact. However, now that Big Mac's talking, Jose's angry again....

The One Where The LA Angels Catcher's Mom Accidentally Shows Her Nipple On New Year's Eve
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another. (NSFW)...

China's Mysterious Golf Island
22 courses in an area one-and-a-half times the size of Manhattan. Shrouded in intrigue and controversy. Destroyed mountains and shared jackfruit. A fascinating read on Dubai-level bombast with Communist-level secrecy....

Milton Bradley Will Now Be Mistreated By A New Fan Base
The Chicago sports media trade Milton Bradley to Seattle for the remains of Carlos Silva. Nick Johnson will compete for a spot on the Yankees' disabled list. Ladies and gentlemen, this is HOT FUCKING STOVE....

Nick Johnson Clogs Buster Olney's Bases
Ken Rosenthal thinks the Red Sox will go Gonzo and that Matt Holliday might consider signing with the Orioles because of God. Buster Olney calls Nick Johnson a "base-clogger," which makes me sad. Read on. HOT FUCKING STOVE....

Alabama Fans Hope To Shut Down State For One Week In January
You're probably aware that the University of Alabama has canceled any classes that might possibly interfere with students' drinkingenjoyment of the BCS Championship, but now some lawyers have asked a judge to shut down the state's legal system as well....

Verne and Gary's Not-So-Excellent Adventure
If you're like me, you may have found the announcing during yesterday's SEC Championship Game to be....underwhelming. Here's a compilation of Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson's greatest moments of confusion, obfuscation and outright lies....