soccer Page 95 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
"Footy McFooty Face" Leads Fan Vote For San Diego's Potential MLS Team Name
It’s pretty easy to come up with the kind of barfy, ahistorical team names MLS franchises love to pick, so kudos to the ownership group trying to invent a soccer team in San Diego and buy its way into the league for crowdsourcing a little more imagination. Though maybe “Footy McFooty Face” wasn’t qu...
Colombia Beat Bolivia 1-0, And We Got Another Heavy Metal ¡GOL!
Colombian soccer announcer Javier Fernández is the world’s greatest sports broadcaster. Here’s James knocking in a penalty rebound for his side’s only goal in Colombia’s win over Bolivia today, as called by “El Cantante del Gol” and complete with the traditional heavy metal goal music....
Over 1,000 Kilos Of Cocaine Hidden In Boxes Labeled With Lionel Messi's Face
The above picture depicts some of the hundreds of cases ostensibly filled with tasty squid filets seized by Peruvian authorities yesterday. On the outside of these boxes are labels upon which the image of Barcelona star Lionel Messi, his name, and his brand logo are printed. On the inside are bricks...
Lukas Podolski's Last Goal For Germany Was A Poetic Banger
In Lukas Podolski’s last appearance for Germany’s national team, the former Arsenal man, corner kick extraordinaire, and guy known for absolutely crushing the ball launched a rocket into the top right corner in the 69th minute to beat England 1-0 in the friendly. It was the perfect final goal for th...
Soccer Player Who Thanked Both Wife And Girlfriend After Game Digs Hole Deeper
South African Premier League player Mohammed Anas told on himself last week, when he thanked his wife and his girlfriend in a postgame interview. He has since tried to explain himself, and he didn’t do a very good job....
Brazilian Soccer Guy Who Had His Girlfriend Killed And Fed To Dogs: "What Happened Happened"
Goalkeeper Bruno de Souza was recently signed by Boa Esporte upon his release from prison after serving about seven years of a 22-year sentence for plotting to kill his ex-girlfriend. At Bruno’s behest, the woman was tortured, killed, and her body fed to Bruno’s dogs to hide the evidence. In Bruno’s...
Wayne Rooney's Potential Return To Everton Actually Makes Lots Of Sense
It’s long felt inevitable that one of these days Everton’s prodigal son Wayne Rooney would return home. Judging from a report in the Independent that quotes sources close to Everton and Manchester United as believing the move is “likely to happen” this summer, we might be mere months away from seein...
Italian Soccer Guy Playing In England Misses Pasta And The Sun
Italy’s Andrea Ranocchia joined Premier League stragglers Hull City this season, hoping to work his way back on to the Italian national team. In the meantime, he’s doing his best to adjust to life in England, but there a couple things from Italy he really misses. Namely, pasta and sunshine. ...
Mario Balotelli Missed Start Of Match Because He Tied His Shoes Too Tight
Mario Balotelli’s blistering start to his career in Nice has cooled off some of late. No doubt eager to get back to scoring ways, Balotelli tied his boots nice and tight before stepping out onto the field against Nantes this weekend. Only he soon realized he’d tied them too tight and had to get a co...
Bastian Schweinsteiger Becomes Latest Old Guy To Head For MLS<em></em>
Three years ago, Bastian Schweinsteger was on top of the soccer world. He was starting for the best club and national teams in the world, winning the Champions League for Bayern Munich in 2013 and the World Cup for Germany in 2014. The do-it-all midfielder won eight Bundesliga titles with Bayern and...
Spanish Soccer Dads Celebrate Father's Day By Beating Each Other Up
A game between Spanish youth sides Alaró and Collerense was interrupted and later canceled yesterday after a bunch of riled up sports parents got into a big brawl. El Confidencial reports that an Alaró player made a hard tackle, which sparked an argument. The argument then roped in a herd of overeag...
South African Soccer Player Accidentally Thanks Both Wife And Girlfriend In Post-Game Talk
The South African Premier League’s Mohammed Anas won Man of the Match for his two goals in yesterday’s Free State-Cape Town game. Good stuff! Except for his acceptance speech, in which he thanked both his wife and girlfriend (before backtracking to assure his wife that, really, he loves her so much)...
Soccer Guy's Arm Is All Types Of Fucked Up After Collision With Keeper
It’s No. 9 in blue, Fenerbahçe’s Fernandão, that you want to be watching here, even if both he and the keeper he ran into are writhing on the ground following their collision. It’s not exactly a gross injury, but the look of Fernandão’s arm just hanging there—it’s reportedly broken—is pretty disturb...
This Champions League Quarterfinal Draw Is So Good
There are only eight teams left standing in the Champions League. This is the stage of the tournament where Europe’s biggest and best clubs (and Leicester City) will battle for ultimate supremacy. And quite the fascinating battle it will be, because the draw is fantastic:...
Would You Eat A Peeled Banana That Other People Touched?<em></em>
Manchester United’s Marcos Rojo brought a glimmer of excitement to an otherwise dull afternoon of Europa League soccer by eating a banana. United was up 1-0 over Rostov in the second leg of the round of 16, when Rojo, apparently, felt like he was cramping up and requested a nanner. ...
Look On This Roster, Ye Mighty, And Despair!
What team does Jake Livermore play for? The English national team, apparently!...
Romelu Lukaku Knows He Has Outgrown Everton
It’s not quite the juiciest quote from Romelu Lukaku’s wide-ranging media session with reporters Tuesday, during which he clarified just how serious his desire is to play for a truly great, title-challenging team—be that at Everton or, more likely, elsewhere—but this response to a question about whe...
Are Three Aging Goalkeepers The Best U.S. Soccer Has To Offer?
On Wednesday, U.S. men’s national team coach Bruce Arena announced the roster for the USMNT’s upcoming World Cup qualifiers against Honduras and Panama. There were no huge surprises, except maybe for the inclusion of Clint Dempsey, who recently returned to soccer after being sidelined with an unspe...
Manchester City Knocked Out Of Champions League; Leicester Last English Team Standing
The Foxes were the best English team in the Premier League last year, and apparently they’re the best English team in the Champions League this season. With Manchester City’s 3-1 loss to Monaco today, Leicester fucking City are the final representatives in Europe’s top competition from the Best Leag...
Christian Pulisic's Swag Is Crazy High Right Now And It's Beautiful To See
Highly coveted wonderteen and future Ballon d’Or winner Christian Pulisic scored the first goal in Borussia Dortmund’s 3-0 win over Lotte in the German Cup yesterday. The goal itself was fine, the product of Pulisic’s smart movement but mostly Ousmane Dembélé’s unreal skills. But check out Pulisic’s...