takes Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mark Cuban Shares Just The Most Exhausting Take On American Basketball
Luka Dončić is very good. He is also cool, the kind of player you look forward to rooting for and enjoying for years to come. It would be a shame if something were to happen that suddenly forced you to start rooting for Zion Williamson to make it his first order of business next season to dunk Donči...
The Constitution Is Garbage<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about doors, gym TVs, pull-ups, broadcaster fights, and more....
Everyone's Mad At Bill James For Being An Old Dummy
Bill James, father of sabermetrics, consultant for the Boston Red Sox, and guy who routinely shares the sort of opinions that get him publicly clowned by his daughter, unleashed a doozie last night....
Trump's New Attorney General Has A Wealth Of Sports Takes
Jeff Sessions resigned today as Attorney General of the United States at the request of Donald Trump. The Lilliputian bigot, a former Alabama Senator better known as The Keebler Elf But Racist, will be replaced for now by chief of staff at the Justice Department Matt Whitaker, a hulking bald Iowan w...
Race-Baiting Troll Phil Mushnick Is Really Reaching For Excuses To Be Racist Now
What’s that cranky old knob Phil Mushnick been up to lately besides scolding Joakim Noah for being an ungrateful black person because Noah said he’s against war? Other race-baiting shit, it seems. Today, he published a column titled, “The sick, disturbing video that ESPN thought was a laugh riot,” w...
Vlad Guerrero Jr. Actually Not Good, According To Brain Genius Who's Proudly Never Watched Him
Here is a hell of a take!...
Michael Kay Says Yankees Lost To Red Sox Because Math Can't Account For The Soul Of A Baseball Or Whatever
You are going to groan so loudly that everyone within a five-mile radius will hear it and several of them will immediately call the police when you listen to this conversation from The Michael Kay Show, about the failures that caused the Yankees to lose to the Red Sox in the ALDS. It’s unbearable....
Shake Shack Is Our Most Overrated Fast Food Restaurant<em></em>
Before I get into the Funbag, I have a special announcement: The DEADCAST is coming to Chicago on Sept. 17, a week from Monday. That’s right. We’re gonna have a bigass Monday Night party and you, dear Chicagoans, are invited. You can find all the details right here. And if you plan on being at the s...
So I Guess We're Blaming The Buffalo Bills For Acts Of Domestic Terrorism?
The premise of this breathtakingly insane Politico article really is—swear to God—that Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City because the Buffalo Bills couldn’t win a Super Bowl. The author attempts to say otherwise, but he also says this:...
Moron Supreme Court Nominee<em></em> Doesn't Believe Dez Caught It
We already knew that illegitimate Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh had predictably conservative political views, god-awful taste in food, and questionable finances, but does it shock you to learn that he has bad sports takes, too?...
Keith Hernandez Has Some Takes On Jose Ureña Beaning Red Hot Ronald Acuña
The Braves’ Ronald Acuña Jr. has been raking as of late, hitting .471/.514/1.235 (!) over his last eight games, with eight homers over that time frame. He’s also led off with a homer in each of his last three games against the Marlins. In some players’ Weird Baseball Logic, that means, accordingly, ...
The Constantly Stupid Braves Announcing Booth Has Infected Jeff Francoeur
Even in a profession that asks old men to talk about baseball non-stop for four hours a night, the Atlanta Braves’ announcing team stands out for its dedication to infuriating dumbassery. Most often, it’s the duo of Joe Simpson and Chip Caray who do the heavy lifting, running their mouths about suit...
Weird-As-Hell <i>USA Today</i> Blog Reads Like Ad Copy For The Qatar World Cup
We’re all in agreement that holding the 2022 World Cup in Qatar is a bad idea, right? Like, historically bad, since both the oppressive heat and the lack of infrastructure make the tournament such a logistical nightmare that it has to be played in December, with an entire city created from scratch t...
How Well Did The Belmont Stakes Crowd Know Triple Crown History?
The crowd at the Belmont Stakes was an uneven split between people who were just there to party and horse racing die-hards who make up the entire population of the Park the other 51 weekends of the year. On the morning before Justify won, we talked to representatives from both groups....
A Day At The Belmont Stakes
ELMONT, N.Y.—From just about 20 feet back from the track at the Belmont Stakes, watching three year-old thoroughbred Justify and his jockey, Mike Smith, make history mostly looked like outstretched arms holding aloft cellphones with the cameras rolling. A normal-sized woman could look up and see, on...
Did Justify Have Another Horse Blocking For Him In His Belmont Stakes Win?
On Saturday, Justify became the 13th horse in history to win the Triple Crown (and the second in the last four years, which explains the general lack of excitement—these Belmont Stakes drew the lowest ratings for a Triple Crown bid since NBC began broadcasting the race in 2001). Justify is obviously...
True Ass-Brain Football Columnist Says Matt Patricia Risks Losing Lions Players Because Punishment Isn't Fun
Matt Patricia has been head coach of the Detroit Lions for roughly 19 minutes. It’s been a rocky time—mere moments after he accepted the job, the Detroit News reported on a sexual assault indictment in Patricia’s past, and the Lions organization needed much of the time since—and, frankly, the aid of...
Justify Wins Belmont, Ruins Mystique Of Triple Crown For A Generation
Justify clocked a 2:28 in the mile-and-a-half of the Belmont Stakes today, earning the first Triple Crown since, uh, three years ago, and driving a stake through the heart of mystery that surrounded the feat for millions....
Are These The Names Of Real Race Horses Or Just Nonsense Phrases?<em></em>
If you’re a millionaire race horse owner who reads Deadspin, please consider yourself welcome to use any of these fake names for your next foal—with credit, of course. ...
The Preakness Was A Foggy, Muddy, Wonderful Mess
The Preakness, held Saturday at Maryland’s Pimlico Race Course, fucking ruled! The race itself was fine: the favorite won; the favorite was also the horse that won the Kentucky Derby; therefore the actual Preakness Stakes did the job of getting the broader non-gambling world through May with reason ...