takes Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Justify Wins Preakness Stakes, Allegedly
Prohibitive favorite Justify claimed the second leg of this year’s Triple Crown as the Kentucky Derby winner seized the Preakness Stakes in a time of 1:55.93, supposedly, we’ll have to take their word for it....
Shit-For-Brains Columnist Says Existence Of Misogyny Should Prevent Becky Hammon From Being Hired, Unless For "Marketing"
Old man Pau Gasol wrote for The Players’ Tribune this week about the head coaching qualifications of Spurs assistant Becky Hammon, who reportedly has an interview lined up with the Milwaukee Bucks in the coming days. The upshot of Gasol’s letter is this: Hammon is exceedingly qualified to coach an N...
Screeching Moron Formerly In Charge Of U.S. Soccer Scouting Offers Braindead Anti-Messi Take
You probably aren’t familiar with Thomas Rongen, and we really wish we didn’t feel compelled to inform you of his existence. But when a gaping asshole like this has somehow amassed real, serious power at the highest levels of U.S. Soccer, and demonstrates his gross incompetence for his position in t...
Russell Westbrook MVP Truthers Are Truly Around The Bend
If I weren’t a basketball fan—if you aren’t one right now—basketblogging, I swear, would itself be an insurmountable barrier to entry. Cricket has incomprehensible structure; baseball has interminable periods of non-action; basketball has a breathtakingly pretentious universe of bloggers and Twitte...
Counterpoint: Actually Everyone Thought J.R. Smith's Latest Stunt Was Pretty Funny
Here is a funny headline to put above a blog about J.R. Smith just hours after the entire internet spent a full day enjoying the thought of Smith hurling soup at Cavs assistant coach Damon Jones: “With Cavs struggling, J.R. Smith’s stunts aren’t so funny anymore.” I beg to differ!...
Answer For Your Awful Basketbloggers, Warriors Fans
What the hell am I even reading right now?...
Very Smart NFL Genius: It Is Better To Have More Points Than Your Opponent
It’s just this kind of nuanced football analysis that differentiates the true NFL geniuses from the crazies stalking the comments of ESPN.com:...
What's Up With Sloane Stephens?
Last summer Sloane Stephens won the U.S. Open for her first Grand Slam title. Since then, she’s lost every single match she’s played....
Kyrie Irving, On Christmas, The Holiday: Christmas Isn't Necessarily A Holiday
Kyrie Irving is a man of many strange and poorly constructed takes, and he has never been shy about launching these dizzying takes into the public consciousness. Christmas, you may have heard, is Monday. Here is Kyrie Irving, on Christmas, a holiday celebrated the world over:...
Michael Schur Presented The Deadspin Award For Worst Take
The second annual Deadspin Awards were on Tuesday night. Drinks were had, middling jokes were told, and our friends and readers managed not to make a scene (except for this guy). We also had a few celebrity cameos, including television producer Michael Schur, a.k.a. Fire Joe Morgan founder Ken Treme...
Taylor Swift's Lawyer Sends Deranged Letter Over Blog Suggesting She's An Alt-Right Sympathizer
Last month, Taylor Swift and her team took some time away from interpolating novelty songs into disappointing singles and turned their attention to intimidating a little-known blogger. Swift took issue with Meghan Herning of PopFront, who accused Swift of dogwhistling to white supremacists in a post...
Stephen A. Smith Has Manufactured Another Insane Feud With A Professional Athlete
ESPN shit-for-brains Stephen A. Smith recently shared some, umm, thoughts (?) on his radio show about the new Nike NBA warmups, which come with comfy hoods. Certain players have taken to wearing the hoods during pregame warmups, and when sitting on the bench. Smith, in full-on psychotic raving mode,...
Dumb ESPN Analysis: Numerology Tells Us The Nuggets Are The Next NBA Dynasty
The Denver Nuggets are fun. Nikola Jokic is very good. Paul Millsap is very good. Gary Harris is pretty good. There are other guys on the Nuggets who might turn out to be pretty good. It’s entirely possible the Nuggets will find their way into a playoff spot this season, because they play a brand of...
Choose Hockey
Baseball held me hostage last night, but hockey set me free. Midway through yet another four-hour MLB playoff battle, the otherwise compelling action thinned by stoppages and pre-pitch routines, I felt like I was simply watching out of obligation. There wasn’t any kind of happiness or love. It certa...
<i>Washington Post</i> Op-Ed: Black Athletes Hurt Their Sports By Having Liberal Ideas
In its continuing quest to greatly injure public discourse by gifting legitimacy to arguments from all sides, the Washington Post op-ed page published a hilariously dumb and wrong-headed column Friday by rural Ohio newspaper editor Gary Abernathy, mourning the loss of American professional sports’ a...
Bill James's Twitter Polls Are Melting My Brain
Sabermetrics godfather and occasional Joe Paterno apologist Bill James has spent the past many years as something of a paradox. You can be confident that he’s smart at something, but a great deal of what he says and does flies in the face of that knowledge....
FS1 Won't Be Airing Jason Whitlock's Latest Colin Kaepernick Skit
On Tuesday, All Takes Matter co-host Jason Whitlock started an internet firestorm with this tweet:...
<i>NYT</i> Op-Ed: The Real Villains Are Those Who Doubt The Motives Of Anonymous NFL Executives
If there was one thing the ongoing Colin Kaepernick unemployment saga really needed, it was a flaccid, incomprehensibly contrarian op-ed in the dear old New York Times. Boy does this one, from Colin Fleming, not disappoint:...
The World Needs Lil B To Curse Lonzo Ball And The Lakers
The Ball family, of Big Baller Brand shoes and the Lakers’ point-guard-of-the-future role, have a new Facebook reality show called Ball in the Family. I had no idea the Ball family ever did not have a Facebook reality show, but here we are....