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Every Winner Of The Ernest Hemingway Look-Alike Contest, In Descending Order Of How Much They Look Like Ernest Hemingway
Every year, on the third Saturday in July, Sloppy Joe's Bar in Key West hosts the Hemingway Look-Alike Society's Hemingway Look-Alike Contest. The 2012 champion will be named tomorrow. We went through 31 years of winners, and ranked them all on how much they look like Ernest Hemingway, starting with...

Metta World Peace Is Now Friends With The Fan Who Threw A Drink At Him In Detroit
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: World Peace has come to terms with what happened that day....

Your Rob Gronkowski On The Cover Of "The Body Issue" Photoshop Roundup
Your twisted imaginations never let us down. Which is why we couldn't wait to see what you might do with this image of Rob Gronkowski on the cover of ESPN The Magazine's "The Body Issue." We put out the call on Tuesday, and this is the best of what you had to offer. Thanks, you guys....

D.J. Williams Just Kept Giving The NFL Non-Human Urine Samples
Broncos linebacker D.J. Williams was suspended for the first six games of the upcoming season after failing a drug test last year. Williams has been fighting the suspension all the way up to a federal appeals court, but documents filed don't seem like they're going to help his case....

Photoshop Time: Rob Gronkowski On The Cover Of "The Body Issue"
Yes, yes: We've said we're pretty much over any and all photos of Rob Gronkowski without a shirt. And we meant it! But as soon as we saw this image of Gronk on one of the covers of ESPN The Magazine's forthcoming "The Body Issue," we just knew it was ripe for your photoshops. I mean, look at those ....

"The Last 35 Hot Dogs Are The Tough Ones."
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: "The first 30 hot dogs are fun." Gross....

Hope Solo Failed A Drug Test
On June 15, the day before a USWNT friendly against World No. 2 Sweden, goalkeeper Hope Solo provided a urine sample that tested positive for Canrenone. Canrenone is not a PED, but rather a diuretic, and is sometimes used to flush the system, so it's a USADA banned substance....

Cherry-Pit Spitting Contest Makes For Great Copy
This is a great article for a sweaty Saturday evening. It's short, sweet and absolutely absurd. Let's start with the headline:...

Caption Contest: What Are These Mets Fans Up To?
It's Friday, and we feel like giving away stuff. Take your best shot at captioning this screencap, and we'll award the best one an actual prize of some crap from our desk. We'll announce the winner Monday. Have at it!...

How Do You Get The Contest Out Of Your System? Trying To Answer The Only Question On Anybody's Mind At Nathan's
The Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest is a lot of things—patriotic, promotional, repellant—but above all, the contest is a study in misdirection. Like so many of Coney Island's storied card sharks and freak shows, the contest succeeds by distracting its audience, pl...

Appreciating The Genius Of Joey Chestnut Requires Watching Him Eat In Super-Slow Motion
Joey Chestnut retained the mustard-yellow belt at Coney Island today with a command performance, consuming 68 hot dogs (and buns) in ten minutes and falling just shy of setting a new "official" record....

Joey Chestnut Downs 68 Hot Dogs To Win Sixth Straight Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest
Well that was gross. Joey Chestnut just wrapped up his sixth straight championship at the world's most popular eating contest by mashing 68 hot dogs down his gullet in ten minutes. Chestnut had the contest in hand from start to finish, and gets to go on being called the world's best competitive eate...

How To Eat 1 Gallon, 9 Ounces Of Ice Cream In 12 Minutes Without Getting A Headache: The Secrets Of Ed "Cookie" Jarvis
Tell Me When It's Over is an interview series in which we ask former athletes about the moment they knew their playing days were over. Today: Ed "Cookie" Jarvis, a 46-year-old real estate agent, married father of two, cancer survivor, and retired competitive eater....

Insane Man Goes Hunting For Murderous "Testicle-Eating" Fish
Jeremy Wade hosts a show called "River Monsters," so I suppose this would fall under the show's umbrella. After hearing word of a fish that killed two men by eating their testicles, causing them to bleed to death, Wade decided to seek out the culprit....

How "Seven Nation Army" Conquered The Sports World
The Euro 2012 semifinals kick off today, and 69 goals in, you might have noticed one fan chant being sung after every single one. How did an eminently chantable White Stripes ditty become soccer's universal goal celebration? This piece, originally published Jan. 13, 2012, has your answers....

Marlon Byrd, Victor Conte's Most Famous Client, Suspended For PEDs
Marlon Byrd was supposed to be Victor Conte's character witness. For the past three-plus seasons, the journeyman outfield has been the only high-profile client of Conte's supplement business, a product line that's a tough sell since the whole BALCO mess. The BALCO name's gone (it's SNAC now), but Co...

Dottie Sandusky Takes The Stand, Doesn't Do Much To Help Her Husband's Cause
The trial of former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky began last week in Bellefonte, Pa. What follows is some of what's worth noting from today's testimony:...
![We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17po8uagmcz3wjpg.jpg)
We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]
We asked you on Monday, after a particularly objectionable item ran in the New York Post, to write the dumbest story ever about Derek Jeter. You did not let us down. ...

PSU Assistant Who Says He Saw Jerry Sandusky Raping A Boy Turned Out To Be Pretty Credible After All
A little more than a month ago, I declared that Mike McQueary, the prosecution's star witness in the Jerry Sandusky case, was "the worst witness ever." I had based my assessment on inconsistencies in statements McQueary is said to have made, both privately and under oath, since the release of the Sa...

Open Thread: Can You Write The Dumbest Story Ever About Derek Jeter?
Earlier today I suggested that Brian Lewis's New York Post piece today was the dumbest thing written about Derek Jeter....