test Page 50 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A-R-T-E-S-T still spells "crazy"
Ron Artest is kind of like El Nino: Not fully understood but capable of wreaking unspeakable havoc when you least expect it. Although, honestly, we probably should have anticipated that he'd go a little crazy(er) after watching Baron Davis, Elton Brand and Corey Maggette get rewarded with bags of f...
Mr. Testis: Father of Suzy Kolber's Child? We Report, You Decide
I think I'm missing some subtle wordplay here. Why would they call him Mr. Testi...oh you clever Spanish devils you. Mr. Testis is the mascot for the San Fermin Festival....
Chris Snyder Would Not Like To Be A Member Of This Club
There seems to be an overabundance of sports-related testicle injuries over the past three months. First it was Felix Pie's "twisted testicle", then Flyers' winger Patrick Thoresen's severe testicle bruising and, now, most horrifying of them all, Arizona Diamondbacks' catcher Chris Snyder's "f...
To Watch Tonight
What you're not going to watch because you're not grounded after all ... • College World Series: LSU vs. North Carolina, in Omaha (7 p.m., ET). Two teams enter, one team leaves. Who run Bartertown? [ESPN] • Major League Lacrosse: Washington at Boston (7:30 p.m., ET). Well, another Boston pro sports ...
Ron Artest Is Taking This Journalism Business Quite Seriously
There are many adjectives you can use to describe Ron Artest, but a couple more you want to add to that list are "fair and balanced."...
Ryan Leaf Cleans Out The Attic Of Tearful Regret
Was it really 10 years ago that the Indianapolis Colts made the fateful decision to draft Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf in the NFL draft? To mark the occasion, Leaf is showing off his No. 16 Colts jersey — yep, one such exists — which he found while rummaging through some personal belongings recentl...
It's PETA's World, We Just Live In It
When future generations study the first decade of the 21st Century, the debate of course will turn to the Great Racehorse Protests of 2008. In the wake of the Eight Belles tragedy at the Kentucky Derby, PETA is bringing all guns to bear on the remaining Triple Crown events; planning protests at the ...
Mark Littell, The Nutty Buddy, Is Completely Nuts
Two days ago, I emailed Mark Littell, former major leaguer and creator of the Nutty Buddy to see if he'd comment on that story I was working on about Flyers center Patrick Thoresen and the dangers of pucks (or anything) to the groin, etc. I told him (or, rather, the Nutty Buddy crack email team) tha...
Ron Artest's Lunacy Knows No Bounds
The life of an NBA entourage member is a hard one. Even though it may offer an otherwise unemployable sect of society the opportunity to live an exciting, fulfilling life vicariously through a pampered professional athlete, there is legitimate "work" to be done in order to maintain a prime spot in ...
Bang The Gong Slowly; Olympic Torch A No-Show In SF
San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom didn't exactly win friends and influence people on Wednesday when he decided to play an elaborate game of Hide the Salami with the Olympic Torch. The relay's only North American stop was scheduled to be a happy, glorious people's jog from AT&T Park, down the waterfr...
It's Still Not As Dangerous As A Typical Eagles Game
Please bear with me if you've seen this before; any time I see something this large and angry go into the stands that isn't Ron Artest, I must post it. Three things of note here: 1. Love the three guys sitting under the little overhang in the middle there, safe from harm in the stadium's finest lux...
Who, Exactly, Is Searching "Greatest Highlight" On ESPN.com?
It surprised many that, according to ESPN's metrics, the most commonly searched term on their site for the month of February was "Greatest Highlight." This registers as a surprise because, well, the "Greatest Highlight" basically consists of our man Berman deux deux deuxing his way through ruining s...
Eric Byrnes Can Tolerate Men Staring At His Junk
We haven't heard much from Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes in the offseason, but we can only guarantee it was something EXTREME AND WHOLLY UNPREDICTABLE! ZIGGITY SWISH! He's back this year, and his Diamondbacks were among the first to be drug tested. Byrnes is absolutely comfortable with the pro...
Barry Bonds Ain't Buildin' Mansions For Any White People
It's been safe to say that the text of the Mitchell Report, coupled with the Congressional testimony by Roger Clemens, has been for the most part unfulfilling. So when Barry Bonds' 2003 testimony to a federal grand jury leaked out yesterday, the natural reaction was a cacophonic "meh."...
Anti-ESPN Christian Protest Sure To Draw In Five, Maybe Six People
You only have 45 minutes, folks, to get thee to Bristol ("across from the McDonald's," actually) to join the Christian Defense Coalition's protest of ESPN. They're still fired up about the Dana Jacobson mess, but they seem more incensed these days by the infamous Chris Berman video....
It Gets Late Early Down Under
It's 3:48 in the am and I'm preparing to entertain the shit out of you all weekend long, but I'd be remiss if I didn't alert all those awake to the goings on in Melbourne. Roger Federer is down a set to Serbian Janko Tipsarević who came into the night paying out at 180/1 to win the third round matc...
Donte Stallworth's Alien Friend Nicco
Donte Stallworth can comfortably be considered the "other" wide receiver on the Patriots. He doesn't have the blow-up-a-game talent of Randy Moss, and he doesn't have the electric, sensuous charisma of the sex bomb that is Wes Welker. It takes a bit for the man to stand out. It takes something drama...
Mizzou vs. Oklahoma - Disrespect For Everyone
Gary Pinkel has a big challenge tonight as he — wait, is Les Miles coaching Missouri now? No? He's still at LSU? Okay, carry on — coaches his top-ranked underdog Missouri Tigers against Oklahoma. It's a difficult decision, really, to pick one team over another. One can easily make a convincing case ...
Mr. Testicle Is The Bo Jackson Of Mascots
Well, 100 Percent Injury Rate has dug up more videos of Mr. Testicle in action. Can we create him as a Madden character? The problem is that he's so good at sports now that he's pressured to improve and keep up with the rest of his competitors. That's all fine and good, of course, except that leads ...