Baseball has been a much more boring sport ever since Pat "The Machine" Burrell decided to hang up the spikes. But Burrell hasn't left us completely behind. Now a scout with the Giants, Burrell showed up at yesterday's game to take a few hacks in BP. Wearing slacks and a pair of Vans, the ol' slugger launched one…
MLB Trade Rumors had it first, and noted rich guy Jon Heyman confirmed on Twitter: Pat Burrell is retiring. The thumping, lumbering outfielder posted a .253/.361/.472 line in 12 MLB seasons, most of them with the Phillies. He had ranked 25th among active players in home runs. He won two World Series. Not bad at all. A…
In a post titled "Pat Burrell Says Hello!," BarStool Sports has seemingly put to rest any questions about the identity of Brian Wilson's special gimp-gear-laden pal, affectionately called The Machine.
Brian Wilson, San Francisco Giants closer and medium through which people can communicate with The Machine, went on George Lopez's television show the other night. He was dressed like a boat captain. Likes: Old Spice and Red Lobster. Dislikes: Water.
Our lone upset in the quarterfinals was a big one: The Machine edged out LeBron James, dropping the No. 2 seed. No. 3 Karen F. Owen defied Bodog's odds and sadly took out Dude Being Blown By A Dog. Alas.
There's no real tale of the tape to run through in this first SHOTY quarterfinal matchup, but if there were, you couldn't help but note that The Machine (probably) has one more title than LeBron does.
A cavalcade of athletes gone astray from their moral core, rambunctiously violent media personalities, accidental female empowerers, and a mysterious man in a mask. See them all below.
Click to view Brian Wilson took his routine to The Tonight Show last night and—among other things—introduced The Machine to the Jaywalking-loving audience (around the 3:30 mark). Either Pat Burrell gained weight, or we have a whole new mystery on our hands.
Here's more proof: The Fightins got their hands on an old photo of Pat The Bat dressed in the gimp outfit seen in Brian Wilson's odd video. The story behind Burrell's get-up is predictably strange. Go read it. [The Fightins]
In TV interview after TV interview, Giants closer Brian Wilson makes ominous reference to a masked friend called "The Machine." Who or what is The Machine? We investigate in the video below.
Today, we have a selection from Deadspin favorite Joe Posnanski's The Machine, a rollicking account of the 1975 Reds. Buy the book here. Read his blog here. Joe's in the comments now, awaiting your demeaning questions.
