ti Page 1591 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Comments Of The Fortnight-Ish: Your Racist Jokes Are The Pee-Pee In Our Coke
In recent articles on commenting we've discussed freshness and originality, and now, having tackled those, we're prepared to move on to the slightly weightier topic of race relations in Western culture. Well, not quite. But we are going to talk about racist jokes....
Ryan Braun's Urine Collector Gives His Side Of The Story
Everyone has a lawyer, and everyone has a statement. Today's comes from Dino Laurenzi, Jr., the employee of Comprehensive Drug Testing responsible for collecting Ryan Braun's sample, and he'd like to clear up just what happened on that fateful October evening....
The Razzies Are The Worst
Because awards season is so endless and so relentless in its hyperbole—Best This and Greatest That and Sexiest Whatever—you can understand why some folks get sick of all the accolades and decide to flip them on their head. Hence, all those end-of-the-year worst-movie polls, which give critics one la...
Important Tips For Going Back In Time And Preventing 9/11
Your letters:...
Lawsuit Over Bursting Testicle Alleges Professional Wrestling Is Fake
J-Millz's Coliseum Championship Wrestling match against Guido Andretti ended last June when Andretti kicked him in the nuts. Now J-Millz, whose real name is John Miller, is suing Andretti, whose real name is Clinton Woosley. Miller says his testicle burst as a result of the blow and that he doesn't...
Woody Allen Was Watching The NBA All-Star Game Instead Of The Oscars
Woody Allen won the Academy Award for Midnight In Paris, but it's not clear if he knows yet. Allen wasn't in the house to accept his award, because something much more important was going on:...
Taunting In Professional Bowling Is The Best Taunting
There was a lot riding on Pete Weber's final roll at last night's Professional Bowlers Association's U.S. Open. The 49-year-old Weber needed no less than a strike to defeat Mike Fagan to become the first man to win the tournament five times, and to become the oldest man to win the event. But this w...
NHL TRADE FUCKING DEADLINE
There's the closing bell, and we've broken out the all-caps and fired up the ol' siren gif. That can only mean one thing: the NHL's trade deadline has passed. Lots of smaller-but-significant moves made (trade trackers here, here, and here), but everyone wants to know: whither Rick Nash? We'll know i...
Boston's Clubhouse Beer Ban Is A Victory For Stupid People Everywhere
Jon Lester said he's not proud of what happened. Josh Beckett called it a "lapse in judgment." Clay Buchholz said he'll learn from "bad decisions." David Ortiz says it won't happen again. We will merely point out that a Major League Baseball team drank beer, and it's been a story for four-and-a-half...
How The Doping Case Against Ryan Braun Fell Apart: One Theory
The conventional wisdom on Ryan Braun's overturned doping suspension is that it was a triumph of cautious proceduralism over substantive justice—a victory for protocol and a rare (and for my money not entirely unwelcome) defeat for the drug cops. Baseball's testing program caught a juicer, the think...
After Latest Injury, Joel Zumaya Might Become A Professional Fisherman
The former Tigers flamethrower, whose Twins career ended with a UCL tear before really starting, told the AP, "I'm a pretty dang good fisherman, so I might pursue professional fishing." Watch for tendinitis when you reel 'em in, buddy....
A.J. Burnett's Single Greatest Contribution To The Yankees Will Live On
There's still a month before the season begins, and already the Yankees have been able to replace A.J. Burnett's value to the team. No, it's not a WAR-level replacement player. Ha! That's a good joke. I wish I'd thought of it....
Nicki Minaj Had A Bit Of A Wardrobe Malfunction In The NBA All-Star Pregame
Fresh off her aiding and abetting of M.I.A.'s Super Bowl impropriety and a batshit insane Grammy Awards performance Nicki Minaj got a bit too worked up during the announcement of tonight's All-Star Game lineups, it would seem, and had a falling-out with her undergarment....
Special Edition Jose Canseco Tweet As Motivational Poster
This is a new feature where we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....
BBC Tries its Damnedest Not To Show Streaker At Six Nations Match, Shows Streaker Anyway
The Beeb's a paragon of good taste and proper culture, which rather makes you wonder how the Six Nations rugby competition ends up on its esteemed airways. (Or this.) Yet there it is, and in today's match featuring France against Scotland in Edinburgh the BBC found itself face-to-face with a nake...
Cristiano Ronaldo's Latest Goal Was Truly Outrageous
A well-played match to the point by Rayo Vallecano fell to bits when Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo put the Whites up 1-0 with this straight-up stupid blind back heel goal that somehow navigated itself past teammates, defenders, and the keeper. Call it a ¡ozaloG! [ESPN Deportes]...
Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters
This is a new feature where we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....
Ben Henderson Severely Messed Up Frankie Edgar's Face En Route To Winning The UFC Lightweight Belt
In one of UFC's better title fights of late, Benson Henderson claimed the lightweight belt as he won a unanimous decision over Frankie Edgar at UFC 144 in Tokyo Saturday night. His ability to seize victory came in no small part to this perfectly-placed second-round upkick that mangled Edgar's face,...
Anthony "Showtime" Pettis Knocked Out Joe Lauzon With A Kick To The Skull
UFC 144's opening event of the Pay-Per-View didn't last long, as Anthony Pettis knocked out Joe Lauzon in the first round of their lightweight bout in Tokyo....
There Is A Tim Tebow iPhone Game, And It Is Terrible
While the iTunes Store exploded with Tim Tebow-related apps in the heyday of Tebowmania, none of them really qualified as "games," most being trivia or Bible-related. Sensing a gap in the market, an outfit called TriStar Games (presumably no relation to the film studio) released "Tebit Time" earl...