ti Page 1636 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Paul Hamm Is Just Another Unemployed Drunk Male Gymnast Now
The Olympic gymnast Paul Hamm has been fired from his assistant coaching position at The Ohio State University, following his arrest for assaulting a cab driver in Columbus last Saturday....

Joe Paterno's Presidential Medal Of Freedom Is Closer Than Ever
Partisan bickering has reduced Washington to a post-Era of Good Feelings, pre-Capra Thunderdome of hurled insults and hurled feces. But not in Harrisburg! Both of Pennsylvania's Senators and one representative are ignoring party lines to send a letter to Barack Obama, urging him to award Joe Paterno...


Joe Morgan Will Lead The World's Largest Chicken Dance For Cincinnati's Oktoberfest
We—all of us, here with our computers and our calculators and our Moneyballs—fired Joe Morgan from ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball last year. Poor Joe now toils in the Cincinnati Reds front office, advising Walt Jocketty on which mediocre outfielder has the most hustle. ("It might be Chris Heisey, but ...

Here's The Tom Brady UGG Commercial That Will Air On <i>Monday Night Football</i>
With music by Mos Def Yasiin, it features plenty of Steadicam shots of Tom walking. Tom running! Tom playing with someone's dog! Tom entering the locker room! Tom bopping his head to the beat, as if he had rhythm. The shoes are not eye-bleedingly ugly, like we've come to expect from Ugg boots, and...

The Heartbreaking Hockey Funeral For Lokomotiv Yaroslavl
The 37 members of Lokomotiv Yaroslavl who died in Wednesday's plane crash were on their way to Minsk to open the KHL season. The opening of the season has been pushed back to Monday, but all of Dynamo Minsk's tickets had been sold. Rather than leave the arena dark and emphasize the void the disast...

When The DEA Raided A Texas High-School Volleyball Coach's House, They Found Steroids And Blow
Timothy Todd Porter teaches physics and astronomy and coaches volleyball at Clear Springs High School in Texas. If what Johnny Law says is true, he was also part of a drug-trafficking ring that peddled feel-goods and get-strongers to students....

Curtis Granderson And The Orioles's Mascot Shared A Moment This Afternoon
It's impossible to determine exactly what Yankees centerfielder Curtis Granderson and the Oriole Bird were discussing during pregame calisthenics....

George W. Bush Will Narrate A Two-Minute Intro To An NFL Pregame Show On 9/11, And Not The Ones On CBS, NBC, Or ESPN
Via Deitsch: "Been told former President George W. Bush will narrate a 2-minute opening for Fox NFL Sunday on Sept. 11 at 12PM."...

Kid Shoots 20,317 Baskets Over Labor Day Weekend, Is Randomly The Son Of My Eye Doctor
Sometimes we get a tip in the ol' inbox here that speaks to us for personal reasons. Early this morning, one came in about Will Thomas, a 12-year-old seventh-grader in McLean, Virginia, who decided to spend his Labor Day weekend shooting baskets to raise money for the families of the 17 Navy SEALs k...

Iman "Justin Bieber" Shumpert Is Here To Give You Nightmares
Knicks draft pick Iman Shumpert is playing in the Vegas league, and getting salty he's missing New York Fashion Week. He's also filming locker room videos of unspeakable horror. Shumpert and Bieber now have another thing in common, besides both being booed by Knicks fans.[Posting and Toasting]...

Here's The Dash Cam View Of Olympic Gymnast Paul Hamm's Drunken Arrest In Ohio Last Weekend
Paul Hamm, the gymnast who won a gold medal in the Athens Olympics back in 2004, was arrested in Ohio last weekend for allegedly assaulting a cab driver. Or, if you'd prefer the Daily News version of this story, he "vaulted into jail over Labor Day weekend after cops said he worked over an Ohio ca...

Well-Meaning Nats Fan Breaks Out The "HE'S BACK KKK" Jersey For Stephen Strasburg's Return
I get it. We're all very excited about Strasburg's return from Tommy John surgery, and he did what he could by making one of them a backwards K. But, he couldn't have added an extra K? Or eliminated the space between them and "back?" Or, even better, not had the jersey made in the first place? [DC S...

New Zealand's Sex Workers Expect The Rugby World Cup Will Be Quite The Lucrative Affair
The Rugby World Cup is set to get underway this week in New Zealand. It's expected to attract some 95,000 visitors to a land where the toilets flush weirdly. (Here's a story about the sporting aspect of the event.)...

If You've Ever Wanted To See Derrick Rose Play With A Taiwanese Hand Puppet, Today's Your Lucky Day
If you have trouble understanding what Derrick Rose of the locked-out Chicago Bulls is talking about at this stop on his Adidas promotional tour, subtitles are provided....

Was Arturo Gatti Murdered? A New Investigation Into His Death Says Yes
When undertalented and overtough boxer Arturo Gatti was found dead in a Brazilian hotel in July 2009, police initially charged his stripper-wife Amanda Rodrigues with murder. Rodrigues, it was suspected, had strangled her husband with the strap of her purse as he slept. Three weeks later, the Brazil...

"God Made NASCAR," According To Pro-American Internet Commenters
Welcome to another installment of the Fox Nation commenter essays. Please prepare yourself for lots of caps lock....

Maryland's Football Helmets Are Awesome, And They Didn't Rip Off A Bunch Of Roller Derby Girls
Nobody—OK, maybe Craggs—is more skeptical and mistrustful of the University of Maryland/Under Armour marketing-and-football partnership than I am. I'm on the record predicting shame and ruin for the athletic department in its pursuit of buzz and glory....

Doomed Lokomotiv Yaroslavl Plane Was Banned In Europe Due To Safety Concerns
The charter plane carrying almost the entire Lokomotiv Yaroslavl team took off in perfect weather this morning, had trouble gaining altitude, clipped a radar tower and crashed 1.5 miles from the airport. It's the exact same plane that had been banned two years ago by aviation authorities from flying...

We've Given Maryland Football's Dramatic "Pride" Video An Earthquake Panic Remix
Before the season opener against Miami on Monday night, the Terps aired a promotional "Maryland Pride" video to fire up the home crowd and to display the Under Armour logo as many times as possible. The original included the Ravens' Torrey Smith—but not the part where he bolted for safer ground wh...