ties Page 32 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Pittsburgh Seeks Brave, Able-Bodied Young People For Controlled Toilet Flushing
Are you over 18 and a fan of coordinated, group activities? The Pittsburgh Penguins would like 250 "students" to flush all the toilets at the newly constructed Consol Energy Center. In other news, Western Pennsylvania now runs on toilet news....

LT's Weight Loss Spokesman Replacement Has A Little Less Star Power
Lawrence Taylor is accused of doing some Very Bad Things. That means he's not allowed to tell us how he lost 35 pounds (results not typical) on Nutrisystem. Now pinch hitting: Matt Stairs....

Classic Tony Romo Interview Becomes Student Broadcaster's Nightmare
A young broadcasting student at Eastern Illinois University scored a major get with alumnus Tony Romo, but I guess student activities fees don't cover dedicated phone lines for interviews. "Tony, can you hear me?" [YouTube; skip ahead for dramatic conclusion.]...

Kige Ramsey's Star Is Larger Than Most Natural Cave Systems In Kentucky
The "YouTube Sports" reporter's career is flowering. First, listen to him annihilate a Tennessee fan during a hillbilly debate on 104.5TheZone's "3 Hour Lunch" by boasting about Kentucky's "natural cave systems". Also, The Jimmy Fallon Show fellates him....

Should Connecticut Women's Basketball Be Disbanded?
The UConn women's basketball team has won 71 games in a row, breaking a record set by....UConn, seven years ago. If they keep winning like this, soon even people who care about women's basketball won't care about women's basketball anymore....

Katie Spotz's Fascinating Online Rowboat Journey
The Awl introduces us to Katie Spotz's fantastic blog, chronicling her quest to become the youngest person ever to row across the Atlantic Ocean....

Stop The Presses: Detroit Preferable To Somewhere
Two Shock stars, fresh from signing contract extensions, have made it known they have no intention of joining the team in making the move to Tulsa. Apparently death was not an option. [AP]...

TCU, Lacking BCS Recognition, Tries A Little Branding
A TCU student is planning to sue everyone and everybody after being branded with his fraternity's letters. That student's name: Amon Carter IV. Hey, don't the Horned Frogs play in Amon G. Carter Stadium?...

University With Weight Requirements Probably Has Terrible Offensive Line
A Pennsylvania college has made BMI as important as GPA when it comes to graduating, and some soon-to-be degree-less fatties are raising a stink....

Thomas Jones Had Some Festive Birthday Party Entertainment
You should see these ladies make balloon animals. It's a sight to behold. [JerseyChaser]...

Ichiro To Drop Panties With Slap Hitting
Now is the time to dismiss any misconceptions you may harbor about about Ichiro's sexuality vis a vis his affinity for Griffey-tickling. Ichiro digs the ladies, and would like to call on those with a fetish for low slugging percentage....

Why Your Team Sucks: Dallas Cowboys
Some people are fans of the Dallas Cowboys. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Dallas Cowboys. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Our Tech Team Is Victorious Once Again
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Look At You. You Disgust Me.
Hey you. Yeah, you. You a big sports fan? Of course you are. You fat bastard. You make my physically ill....

And Now… Stars Who Could Have Used Helmets As Babies
If you're a parent, you know about the phenomenon known as Flat Head Syndrome, where a baby's head gets too flat in the back and they need to wear a helmet to correct it....

Awesome Boyfriend Ties Kids Up In Garage So He Can Enjoy The Game In Peace
Dilemma: You want to see the big game, but your girlfriend wants you to babysit. You could listen to the game on radio—or you could tie the kids up, leave them in the garage, and hit the bar....

Time To Get Your Chicago Pants Party Tickets
The final deadline to purchase tickets for Deadspin's Chicago Pants Party on May 23 is next Friday. If you've been procrastinating, it's time to buy. Follow the link for details and tickets. [Pants Party Details]...

Minor League Team Invites You To Watch A Game FROM A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER
If your lifelong dream has been to watch a minor league baseball game from a 1978 GMC van parked just beyond the outfield near a major river, then you're in luck, my fat motivational-speaking friend....

Shopping Reminder: Get Your Chicago Pants Party Tickets Today!
If you're planning on joining AJ Daulerio, live blogger extraordinaire Matt Sussman, myself, and a cast of dozens at the May 23 Deadspin Pants Party in Chicago, you really should get your tickets soon. [Details/Payment]...

George Mason's Homecoming Queen Is A Dood (With Video)
What would American revolutionary and founding father George Mason say if he knew that a gay man had been elected homecoming queen at the University that bears his name? Probably: "What's a homecoming queen?"...