What to watch while planning your family vacation to beautiful downtown Baghdad...

What to watch as you turn the tables on your would-be mugger by stabbing him to death like the badass you are ...

What to watch while decrying the end times (of VHS)...

Watch to watch while find your own damn TV listings ...

What to watch while Meshach Taylor pops out of your mouth...

What to watch while packing your bags for Fantasy Heist camp...

What to watch while you enjoy a tasty vending machine pizza ...

What to watch while you deal with your shortcomings ...

What to watch while you try to save your best friend after he gets hit by a car ...

What to watch while you look for your teeth after getting run over by a bullet train ...

What to watch while you find an excuse to drink alcohol for breakfast ...

What to watch while taking the Plaxico Burress gun safety lesson from an Ohio police chief...
• College Basketball: UNC-Asheville at North Carolina (6:30 pm ET) [FSN] - In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, was this trip really necessary?
• News: "60 Minutes" (7:00ish pm ET) [CBS] - Michael Phelps will break his next…

What to watch while creating your Christmas ornaments out of reindeer poo...
• College Football: Kentucky at Tennessee (6:30 pm ET) [ESPN2] - If you lash these two rosters together, you might get one decent Top 25 squad. We won't comment on whether this would be true of the two states.
• College Football: Oklahoma at…

What to watch while you get the early jump on the crowds at Sears ... • College Basketball: Boston College Eagles vs. Purdue Boilermakers (7:00 p.m., ET) What's a Harvey Wallbanger? [ESPN2] • NBA: Orlando Magic at Philadelphia 76ers (7:30 p.m., ET) Get along, 76ers. [ESPN] • Movie: "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." (8:00…

What to watch while you forget about leading cops on that high speed pursuit ... • College Basketball: Texas Longhorns vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (7:00 p.m. ET) They don't seem that "fighting" to me. [ESPN] • College Football: Western Michigan Broncos vs. Ball State Cardinals (7:00 p.m. ET) A win, and WMU doesn't…

What to watch while you shop for toys that won't murder your children ... • College Basketball: Syracuse Orangemen vs. Florida Gators (7:30 p.m., ET) So much orange. [ESPN2] • NFL: Monday Night Football: Green Bay Packers vs. New Orleans Saints (8:30 p.m., ET). Open up a window and let in the Brees. [ESPN] • College…

What to watch while you take the turducken to glorious new heights ... • College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic Final: Michigan vs. Duke (7:00 p.m., ET) What's not to like? [ESPN2] • NBA: Houston Rockets at Washington Wizards (7:00 p.m., ET) Wax Arenas should be good 15 and 5. [ESPN] • College Football: Fresno…

What to watch while you just admit what a gigantic nerd you are ... • College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic: Southern Illinois vs. Duke Blue Devils (7:00 p.m., ET) Salukies, Dukies. Dukies, Salukies [ESPN2] • College Football: Miami Hurricanes vs. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7:30 p.m., ET) Those colors do…

What to watch while you try to avoid being robbed by pirates ... • College Football: Ball State Cardinals at Central Michigan Chippewas (7:00 p.m., ET) I guess Birds and Chips are okay, too. [ESPN2] • NBA: Dallas Mavericks at Houston Rockets (8:00 p.m., ET) I might have some inside info on this game, if you're…

What to watch while you lie awake during your stomach surgery ... • NCAA Men: Richmond Spiders vs. Syracuse Orangemen (6:00 p.m., ET) Have you ever seen a spider eat an orange? [ESPN] • NHL: Minnesota Wild at Pittsburgh Penquins (7:00 p.m., ET) Is this some sort of ice basketball? [Versus] • NCAA Men: Preseason NIT:…