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Parents: Don't Put Any Goddamn Candy In The Goodie Bag
I go to a lot of children's birthday parties. These parties are virtually identical. You go to a gym, you take off your kid's shoes, you hand your kid over to the 19-year-old girl making $6 an hour and wearing a bright red or blue shirt with the name of the gym on it (PLAY ZONE! GYMTASTIC! BALLS AND...
A Plea To Joe Posnanski: Stop Writing Mealy-Mouthed Nonsense About Joe Paterno
Sports Illustrated's Joe Posnanski is in a tough spot. He's a gifted writer and by all appearances a decent guy. His decency is his defining characteristic; he grew up rooting for doomed Cleveland teams and covered the worthless Kansas City Royals, but he never gave in to the urge to be a hatchet ma...
A Chronicle Of Doing It: Nike And Destruction
Republished with permission from The Classical....
Whatever You're Doing With Your Life, It's Not As Awesome As The Athletes In This Recruiting Video
I don't care where you matriculated, what you studied, or what honors you graduated with. If you didn't go to Benedictine University, your degree is now useless. ...
How To Lose Weight Without Wanting To Kill Yourself
I was at the gym this morning and some old British dude started talking to me in the locker room, which is a huge breach of gym locker room protocol and totally freaked me out. Anyway, he's like, "You should watch your feet." And I looked down at my bare feet on the tile floor, and he was like, "Thi...
Billy Cundiff Rushed His Kick Because Of An Error On The Gillette Stadium Scoreboard
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
"You Don't Have To Worry About Me Jumping Off A Ledge": An Interview With Billy Cundiff
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Bristolmetrics: From Jan. 7-18, <em>SportsCenter</em> Devoted 13.5 Minutes to Hockey Total, And Other Fun Facts
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's SportsCenter throughout the week. Graphic by Jim Cooke....
Why We Scapegoat
Because Billy Cundiff exists, Ravens fans don't have to come to terms with the fact that one of the best rushing teams ceded the turf to one of the worst. Or that they could only turn three New England turnovers into six points. Or that their offensive line turned to soggy swiss cheese at the merest...
Things That Killed Joe Paterno, According To The Internet
• "Penn State" • "that Penn State scandal" • "Onward State" • "Twitter" • "ESPN ... with sensational journalism" • "Trustees" • "The Media" • "Jerry Sandusky" • "the Board of Trustees and the media and Sandusky" • "You" (meaning Gov. Tom Corbett) • "The, 'Justice', system" • "Society" • "being fired...
Tennis Players Bill Simmons Would Do: Another Classic From The Secret Sports Guy Vault
It's a curious quirk of the internet that almost nothing survives of Bill Simmons's pre-ESPN work. After seeing last week's newly unearthed column from Simmons's AOL Digital City days, a reader sent along another Boston Sports Guy entry rescued from the dustbin of history. If you've got any old Simm...
What Went Wrong On Billy Cundiff’s Missed Kick?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Did Lee Evans Catch A Game-Winning Touchdown For The Ravens?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Steven Tyler's "Star-Spangled Banner" Was Terrible. But Was It The Worst Ever?
Aging rockers often struggle to hit high notes, but Steven Tyler's juxtaposition of screaming and a languid pace made his rendition of the National Anthem before the AFC Championship in New England especially difficult to listen to. (His liberal lack of adherence to the actual lyrics didn't help.)...
Lionel Messi's Hat Trick-Finishing Goal Brought Announcer Ray Hudson To Orgasm
Barcelona spanked Málaga 4-1 today in La Liga, and the world's best soccer player Lionel Messi took over as Spain's leading scorer on the season with this hat trick-finishing goal. It sent commentator Ray Hudson into an even more over-the-top frenzy than usual, from his cats-mating shriek to his e...
Joe Paterno Dies; Paterno Family Releases Statement
The Associated Press is reporting that Joe Paterno has in fact died, according to a statement released by his family this morning. The full text, as provided by the AP, is provided below. ...
![Joe Paterno Is Still Alive [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4naahk7376jpg.jpg)
Joe Paterno Is Still Alive [UPDATE]
Eye On College Football's Adam Jacobi is reporting that Joe Paterno has passed away following complications associated with chemotherapy he was receiving for lung cancer treatment. (CBS Sports has since retracted that report, after duping organizations far larger than ours.) There are also reports ...
Here's Clint Dempsey's Hat Trick Today, The First-Ever By An American In The English Premier League
Our own Luke O'Brien predicted in August a big season for American midfielder Clint Dempsey as he started his sixth season playing for Fulham in the EPL, and the past two weeks have borne that prediction in a big way. Dempsey followed his FA Cup hat trick two weeks ago with another today against ...
Are The Giants Really Better Than The 49ers?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
"Ice The Motherfucker," The Guy From <em>Good Times</em> Screamed At Muhammad Ali: A Weird Life, In 4 Boxing Matches
Earlier this week, an e-mail from John Kaye showed up in my inbox. I didn't know Kaye but soon learned that he'd written the 1980 film Where the Buffalo Roam, the ancestor to the Hunter S. Thompson movies of recent years. Kaye had just published a lengthy piece in the Los Angeles Review of Books ent...