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Cockblocked By J.R. Smith!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
What Jock Culture Does To Pukes Like You
The following piece originally ran in The Nation's sports issue, on newsstands now....
ESPN Does Not Want You To See Dick Vitale Meeting The Pope
The following directive recently went out within the ESPN empire, via its newswire:...
If Albert DeSalvo Wasn't The Boston Strangler, Who Was? Bill James Investigates
During the years 1962-64, 13 women in the Boston area were molested and then strangled by an assailant who came to be known as the Boston Strangler. In 1965, Albert DeSalvo, a convicted sex offender and patient at a local mental institute, began telling people he committed the murders. With the help...
Jurgen Klinsmann: America's Newest Soccer Jesus
Jurgen Klinsmann was introduced to the media this week as the new coach of the U.S. men's soccer team, a development in the making ever since the U.S. Soccer Federation batted eyelashes at Klinsmann before the 2006 World Cup. The coach spurned the USSF then, and instead led Germany to a third-place...
Did Michelle Beadle Tell Aaron Rodgers, "I Just Wanna Get Fucked" After The ESPYs? ESPN Wants To Know
Two weeks ago, after serving as ESPN's show pony during their annual ESPY Awards, Michelle Beadle hit many of the late-night parties around Los Angeles. She readily admits that. After all, she hadn't gone out at all after last year's event. And she even admits that, upon her return from L.A., she wa...
The Official Deadspin Guide To Booger Growth
I built a new PC this weekend, and by "I built it" I mean I stood there while my brother-in-law, who knows a lot about computers, assembled it. I probably should have washed the Sun Chips cheese powder off my hands before touching the processor. It's very cool to sit there for a day and take a look ...
Usage Note: "It's The Dallas Football Cowboys," Says Jason Stupid Garrett
We already flagged the absurdity of Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garrett's announcement that this year's rookies will have to earn the right to wear the logo of a team that's hasn't won anything since those rookies were in the Pop Warner Tiny-Mite division. Go ahead, treat the Cowboy star as a rah-rah...
Oh Dear God, This Lady's Limb Gets Snapped When She Arm Wrestles A Younger Gal On A Picnic Table
There's talk of placing bets on this Over the Top re-enactment between two ladies. There's also talk of not putting this on YouTube. Then, there's talk of a snapped arm, not too far from a flask and what looks like blue Jello....
Kathie Lee And Hoda Had Their Own Boob-Grabbing Point-Counterpoint This Morning
The Today ladies have picked up on boob-grabbing. They're calling it a "new trend," and Kathie Lee doesn't like it one bit but Hoda likes it fine as long as it's "your own little secret." KL's bottom line is that the "grabee" must enjoy the "grabber's grab" for a boob grab to be okay, which I'm pr...
A Special Graduation Message To The Class of 2011
Every year, thousands of young Americans graduate from college. And every year, those poor wretched hungover bastards are forced to sit out in some quad in million-degree heat to listen to a mildly famous person yammer on and on for hours about how these kids will change the world and all that bulls...
Livan Hernandez Is Wrapped Up In Puerto Rican Drug Dealer's Octopus Tentacles, Claims Awesome Graphic
Nationals pitcher and '97 World Series MVP Livan Hernandez is implicated in a case involving Puerto Rican drug kingpin Angel Ayala Vázquez (alternate titles: "Angelo Millones," "El Buster"). But he's not alone: El Vocero handily details all nine men compromised by the lawsuit and entangled in "los t...
Diamondbacks Front Office Uses All-Star Game As Excuse To Lip Synch Worst Song Ever Created
Somebody in the Arizona Diamondbacks organization decided that the best way for the staff to promote the 2011 MLB All-Star Game, which will be held at Phoenix's Chase Field on July 12, was to dub Smash Mouth's "All Star." We're impressed by the unity and enthusiasm shared by the organization, but ...
Tommy B. Took His Tale Of Octopus-Tossing Woe To Detroit Radio Yesterday
The Coyotes and Red Wings will face off for Game Two of their first-round series at 1 p.m. But, it seems as if fined-and-ejected octopus-tosser Tommy B. remains the talk of his town. If you don't know Tommy B., check out the Thursday night post introducing him to the masses, along with yesterday's ...
If You Throw An Octopus On The Ice in Detroit You Could Be Fined $500 And Ejected (UPDATE: Statements from Red Wings, Police)
Tommy B. got home from last night's Detroit/Phoenix game but despite a Game One victory, he was sad. Sad because he had a run-in with Johnny Law. This, because he threw an octopus on the ice....
John Salley Story Corner: A Teammate Has A Disgusting Hookup Failure Of His Own
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: an unnamed Georgia Tech teammate has an unexpected girl problem....
The Dave Duerson Autopsy Report Is Predictably Heartbreaking
The Miami-Dade County medical examiner has released her final report on the death of former NFLer Dave Duerson, who shot himself through the heart last month and instructed that his brain be donated to head trauma research. Confirmed by the report is that Duerson complained of "memory loss and inabi...
Looks Like We'll Have To Wait A Smidge Longer For The 2012 Olympics
On Monday evening, the London Olympic team unveiled a glimmering 500-day countdown clock in Trafalgar Square to mark the Games' impending arrival....
Ron Jaworski Reminisces About Past NFL Work Stoppages
Former Philadelphia Eagles QB and current ESPN football analyst recently discussed his memories of NFL work stoppages in 1982 and 1987. He thinks the lack of off-season work hurts the QB position particularly hard and doesn't buy it when today's players say they'll keep working out because, back i...
The Miami Heat Have Failed Us; Or, How Chris Bosh Is Like The Space Station
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!) and our erstwhile Heat Strokes diarist, picks up his pen again on the occasion of tonight's Most Important Basketball Game Ever, Lakers-Heat....