top Page 149 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Livan Hernandez Is Wrapped Up In Puerto Rican Drug Dealer's Octopus Tentacles, Claims Awesome Graphic
Nationals pitcher and '97 World Series MVP Livan Hernandez is implicated in a case involving Puerto Rican drug kingpin Angel Ayala Vázquez (alternate titles: "Angelo Millones," "El Buster"). But he's not alone: El Vocero handily details all nine men compromised by the lawsuit and entangled in "los t...
Diamondbacks Front Office Uses All-Star Game As Excuse To Lip Synch Worst Song Ever Created
Somebody in the Arizona Diamondbacks organization decided that the best way for the staff to promote the 2011 MLB All-Star Game, which will be held at Phoenix's Chase Field on July 12, was to dub Smash Mouth's "All Star." We're impressed by the unity and enthusiasm shared by the organization, but ...
Tommy B. Took His Tale Of Octopus-Tossing Woe To Detroit Radio Yesterday
The Coyotes and Red Wings will face off for Game Two of their first-round series at 1 p.m. But, it seems as if fined-and-ejected octopus-tosser Tommy B. remains the talk of his town. If you don't know Tommy B., check out the Thursday night post introducing him to the masses, along with yesterday's ...
If You Throw An Octopus On The Ice in Detroit You Could Be Fined $500 And Ejected (UPDATE: Statements from Red Wings, Police)
Tommy B. got home from last night's Detroit/Phoenix game but despite a Game One victory, he was sad. Sad because he had a run-in with Johnny Law. This, because he threw an octopus on the ice....
John Salley Story Corner: A Teammate Has A Disgusting Hookup Failure Of His Own
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: an unnamed Georgia Tech teammate has an unexpected girl problem....
The Dave Duerson Autopsy Report Is Predictably Heartbreaking
The Miami-Dade County medical examiner has released her final report on the death of former NFLer Dave Duerson, who shot himself through the heart last month and instructed that his brain be donated to head trauma research. Confirmed by the report is that Duerson complained of "memory loss and inabi...
Looks Like We'll Have To Wait A Smidge Longer For The 2012 Olympics
On Monday evening, the London Olympic team unveiled a glimmering 500-day countdown clock in Trafalgar Square to mark the Games' impending arrival....
Ron Jaworski Reminisces About Past NFL Work Stoppages
Former Philadelphia Eagles QB and current ESPN football analyst recently discussed his memories of NFL work stoppages in 1982 and 1987. He thinks the lack of off-season work hurts the QB position particularly hard and doesn't buy it when today's players say they'll keep working out because, back i...
The Miami Heat Have Failed Us; Or, How Chris Bosh Is Like The Space Station
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!) and our erstwhile Heat Strokes diarist, picks up his pen again on the occasion of tonight's Most Important Basketball Game Ever, Lakers-Heat....
A Million Dollars and No Change for a Perfectly Humble Gamer
You can do a lot of crazy stuff when you win a million bucks. When he did, Wade McGilberry was approached by a long-lost relative with a pitch for buying into a pineapple farm. No thanks, Wade said. What he really wanted was a Harley. And with the dough he won from MLB 2K10, you're damn right he bou...
Guns N' Peas Is Where The Trajectory Of Man Began Its Steady Decline
So the Black Eyed Peas covered "Sweet Child O Mine" at the Super Bowl last night, with Slash helping out on guitar. First of all, FUCK YOU SLASH. You just spent the last bit of goodwill you earned from NOT being Axl. Secondly, the journey to our eventual self-extinction has begun....
Mark Sanchez's 17-Year-Old Lady Friend Has Found A Lawyer
So we've been working on a story the last couple weeks about Mark Sanchez's romancing of a 17-year-old girl. She reached out to us first and agreed to cooperate. Then she didn't. Then she did again. Now, of course, her lawyer has contacted us....
How Much Does NFL Seeding Really Matter?
This is Regressing, a new, numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard Sports Analysis Collective. Today: Why it's good to be king of the regular season....
Bad Things Happen When You Have Sex While Hanging On A Shower Curtain
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Leave Ben Roethlisberger Alone
This photo is of Big Ben at a restaurant, posing for a picture with a fan. Maybe he had a drink or two with dinner. If ESPN's previous mini-circus was any judge, expect them to go with wall-to-wall coverage on this one....
Some Pussy In Oregon Picked The Packers To Win The Super Bowl
But the fact remains this: the last round of cats to battle for the right to play prognosticator probably ended up in a bag at the bottom of the Green River thanks to the degenerate gambler who believed the Oregon over Auburn pick....
The Super Bowl Week Orgy, Through The Eyes Of An NFL Player
Every player in the NFL can buy two Super Bowl tickets at face value, if he so chooses. All he has to do is contact his club's ticket guy and arrange for the pickup. Some teams require rookies and second-year players to pick up the tickets at a location in the host city. Presumably, this policy is i...
OMG Puppies! And Other Highlights From Signing Day
A recruit hoisted a puppy, a mother forged her son's signature on a letter of intent, CBS made Rich Rodriguez interview his successor at Michigan, and many hats were donned. Signing day! First comes the built-up signature, next comes crushing disappointment....
You Could Win More Super Bowls If Your Coach Were Autistic
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....