top Page 162 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Paul The Octopus Couldn't Predict His Own Death
Paul passed away peacefully in his sleep this morning, after a distinguished career as a World Cup prognosticator. He was 2. He is surived by his closest relative, Squiddly Diddly. In lieu of flowers, please send tartar sauce. [CNN]...
Jon Gruden Once Again Drawing Abstract Penises On Nation's Television Screens
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
The Ugly, Racially Charged Fight Over A Confederate Mascot. In Vermont.
My small Vermont hometown has made the national news circuit on just a handful of occasions since I was a kid: the Bush-Cheney arrest warrant, the public nudity ban, the closing of the nuclear power plant, the annual cow parade, and the time my high school retired Colonel Reb as our mascot....
Brett Favre Is A Bitch
I'm a Vikings fan, so I apologize in advance for any and all homerism contained within this rant. But my team lost last night because our QB is a fucking bitch....
Report: Favre Admits To Voicemails, Denies Cock Shots
According to Fox's Jay Glazer, Brett Favre admitted to NFL security that he left voicemails on Jenn Sterger's phone, but denied that he sent her photos of his penis. The voicemails and the photos came from the same number, per our reporting....
John Salley Story Corner: Rookie Hazing, Bad Boy Style
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: A rookie gets the treatment....
Of Course Christopher Walken Uses A Typewriter
You are now reading this in Christopher Walken's voice....
Cockblocked by Imagined Transgenderism! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
No One Gives A Shit About Cheap Shots
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
How I Celebrated LeBron James's "Hater Day" on Twitter
With King James retweeting the racist messages he received on Twitter, Scott Raab breaks down the passion play that continues to surround one of the NBA's premiere players....
Bleacher Report Editors Demand Bleacher Report Writers Be Less Retarded
If you are one of those unlucky sports fans who has to slog through Bleacher Report's Google-raping SEO "stories" when you do a general news search for a topic about an athlete, team, or topseventeensidelinereportersthechileancoalminersshouldhavesexwith, this is great news....
My Conversation With Milton Ahlerich, VP Of NFL Security
Hi, everybody. Just got off the phone with Mr. Ahlerich — nice gentleman, serious gentleman — and we discussed if I'd be willing to cooperate with the NFL's thorough investigation into Brett Favre's sexting habits....
A Yankee Stadium Memory: "Their Look Didn't Say, 'Shut Up.' It Said They Wanted To Kill Me."
The following is taken from Bronx Banter Presents: Lasting Yankee Stadium Memories, edited by Alex Belth and featuring recollections of the old ballpark—sorry, stadium—from the likes of Pete Hamill, Charles P. Pierce, and Joe Posnanski. Bob Costas has something in there, too, I guess. Here, the grea...
An Examination Of Obnoxious Yankees Fandom In Three Parts
It's easy to say that Yankees fans are boorish and uncouth, but so are most teams' fans. However, nobody does boorish and uncouth on national TV like Yankees fans....
So It Begins: NFL Security Sends Us An E-Mail About Brett Favre And Jenn Sterger
Now Daulerio has his hands full with NFL security....
And Here's Your Heavy-Handed Yankees Metaphor
Brett Gardner's broken bat left a big impression on one of TBS's cameras. It's the biggest impact Yankee bats have made thus far. [screengrab via 30fps]...
The Year In NFL Concussions (So Far): A Horrifying Video Compilation
By our admittedly rough count, there have been at least 46 concussions in the NFL this season. We've found video for 14 of them — clean hits and dirty ones, big hits and relatively minor ones. Watch and cringe and then wonder how many of the names in the list below belong to future ALS patients....
Jeff Garcia Pisses In Hand Towels, And The Art Of Breaking Thumbs In The Loose-Ball Pile
Today, mongrels, we're excerpting from Anthony Gargano's tremendous NFL Unplugged, which offers a ruthlessly entertaining portrait of the NFL. It has all the lawlessness, the poop, the broken fingers, the organized insanity that the league would prefer you not know about....
No, ESPN Did Not Tell The MNF Coaches To Take Timeouts (UPDATE)
Paranoia swept the blogosphere this morning, as word spread like wildfire that ESPN had told the Jaguars and Titans to use their timeouts at the end of a blowout to get more commercial breaks. Great story. Too bad it's not true....
Our Resident Sex Addict Settles A Bet Regarding Decuple Penetration
Before we get to the funbag, a quick announcement: From now on, every funbag will end with the Email Of The Week. The person who sends the winning email each week gets a prize. IT'S TRUE! Not only do you get to experience the glory of being immortalized forever in funbag form, but you also get a ran...