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How A Notre Dame Student Died, And Why He Shouldn't Have
At precisely 4:50 pm, a 50-foot scissor lift tower collapsed in winds exceeding 50 mph, killing the 20-year-old student filming football practice for the team. It shouldn't have come to that....

For Those Of You Who Still Don't Think Pat Burrell Is The Gimp-Costumed "Machine"
Here's more proof: The Fightins got their hands on an old photo of Pat The Bat dressed in the gimp outfit seen in Brian Wilson's odd video. The story behind Burrell's get-up is predictably strange. Go read it. [The Fightins]...

Heat Strokes, Game 1: Should This Diary Be What You Want It To Be?
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, a regular contributor to NBA FanHouse and co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!), is keeping a game-by-game diary of the Heat's season — the one you're pretending not to care about....

The Most Entertaining Meltdown By A College Football Color Guy In History
Spencer Hall asks us to keep Florida Atlantic color commentator Dave Lamont's spazgasm in perspective: "After all, it's not every day you challenge an entire pressbox to a fight in the middle of a game." Noted.[SBNATION]...

Silencing Joe Buck And Tim McCarver: A Simple Tech Solution To Our Crappy World Series Announcers
Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, Fox's World Series broadcast team, will begin inflicting themselves on a national television audience tonight. Thankfully, technology offers recourse that doesn't involve throwing something heavy at the TV: just synch up the broadcast with radio commentary....

The Deadspin Sources' Gold Club: Now Accepting New Members
Throughout Deadspin's five-year (and counting) history, the bulk of our stories have come from various news items, reader tips, and sources. Our best, most reliable sources become members of what we like to call "The Deadspin Gold Club."...

Inside The Nation’s Dorkiest Fanbase: How The Washington State Cougars Flag Gets On <em>GameDay</em> Each Week
No matter where ESPN's College GameDay films, there's always a Washington State flag in the background. It's a Cougar tradition, and it doesn't happen by magic. We got our hands on the secret manual WSU fans use to coordinate their camera-bombing....

The Invention Of Air: The Myths Of Young Michael Jordan, Deconstructed
There was a time when Michael Jordan was a very different kind of superstar, writes Bethlehem Shoals in this excerpt from FreeDarko's wonderful and wonderfully idiosyncratic Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History. That MJ was edgy and menacing, and he helped make embarrassing music that no one r...

How Much Would It Take For You To Be A Cannibal?
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Today, we're covering hotel dining cart theft, train tracks, squirrel fighting, and more....

Paul The Octopus Couldn't Predict His Own Death
Paul passed away peacefully in his sleep this morning, after a distinguished career as a World Cup prognosticator. He was 2. He is surived by his closest relative, Squiddly Diddly. In lieu of flowers, please send tartar sauce. [CNN]...

Jon Gruden Once Again Drawing Abstract Penises On Nation's Television Screens
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Ugly, Racially Charged Fight Over A Confederate Mascot. In Vermont.
My small Vermont hometown has made the national news circuit on just a handful of occasions since I was a kid: the Bush-Cheney arrest warrant, the public nudity ban, the closing of the nuclear power plant, the annual cow parade, and the time my high school retired Colonel Reb as our mascot....

Brett Favre Is A Bitch
I'm a Vikings fan, so I apologize in advance for any and all homerism contained within this rant. But my team lost last night because our QB is a fucking bitch....

Report: Favre Admits To Voicemails, Denies Cock Shots
According to Fox's Jay Glazer, Brett Favre admitted to NFL security that he left voicemails on Jenn Sterger's phone, but denied that he sent her photos of his penis. The voicemails and the photos came from the same number, per our reporting....

John Salley Story Corner: Rookie Hazing, Bad Boy Style
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: A rookie gets the treatment....

Of Course Christopher Walken Uses A Typewriter
You are now reading this in Christopher Walken's voice....

Cockblocked by Imagined Transgenderism! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

No One Gives A Shit About Cheap Shots
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

How I Celebrated LeBron James's "Hater Day" on Twitter
With King James retweeting the racist messages he received on Twitter, Scott Raab breaks down the passion play that continues to surround one of the NBA's premiere players....

Bleacher Report Editors Demand Bleacher Report Writers Be Less Retarded
If you are one of those unlucky sports fans who has to slog through Bleacher Report's Google-raping SEO "stories" when you do a general news search for a topic about an athlete, team, or topseventeensidelinereportersthechileancoalminersshouldhavesexwith, this is great news....