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Video: We Ask Jose Canseco About His Missing Chandeliers
Earlier today, I scuttled over to 8th and Broadway in Manhattan. The goal: ask Jose Canseco if he'd gotten his "chandeleers" back. Was it a success? Yes. Yes, it was. As much as anything involving Jose Canseco can be called a success....

Here's The Highly Amusing MIT "Fuck List"
Of course, The Smoking Gun got their sleuthy little hands on it before our I-team did. And, just as we suspected, it's predictably 70's, with a cute little *** ratings system and silly cartoons....

The Cowboys Almost Make You Feel Sorry For Them
To half of your Deadspin editors they're divisional rivals, and to the other half they're "those motherfucking Cowboys," so there's no hidden sympathies here. But should we laugh at Wade Phillips's constant befuddlement and Jerry Jones's impotent rage? Or feel pity?...

What They're Saying About Brett Favre's Penis Today
The NFL's investigation is coming to a head. Old media types are still bemoaning the death of journalism. Everybody wants a piece of athlete dong....

Let's Talk About How Being Comatose Feels
As you may have seen on Gawker yesterday, MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge host TJ Lavin took a terrible spill at a BMX event in Vegas on Thursday and is now in a medically induced coma....

The Most Russian Video Of All Time: Wolves Swarm Cop On Freeway
This is EXACTLY what I assumed life is like over there. [The Sun]...

The One Where Mark Sanchez Unconstipates Himself With A Spoon
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. If you're new, read this to figure out what we do here. If not, well, let's get down to business. (PHOTO: via Bart Hubbuch's Twitter)...

Funbag Bonus: Did The Chilean Miners Masturbate?
The Chilean miners were all rescued, free now to breathe in air and have their medical benefits cut off three weeks from now. But screw that: Wuz they jackin' it?...

Cockblocked In The Car Hole! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

How One Small DVR Improvement Screwed Up The Football-Watching Experience
No sport lends itself more readily to the splendors of digital video recording than football. And nobody suffered more than football fans when Comcast introduced a schoolmarmish new DVR feature: auto-correction for fast-forwarding....

John Salley Story Corner: All Rub, No Tug From The Hotel Masseuse
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: when massages go technically right....

You Can't Write A Pot Story About The NBA Without Including Michael Beasley
The following is an excerpt from High Times magazine's story "Pot and the NBA," found in the December issue of America's favorite dank rag. Super Cool Beas, indeed....

Angry Readers Defend Brett Favre — Now With Audio! (NSFW)
We enter Day 7 of Favre-Sterger overload and even though the media crush has died down somewhat, the Favre supporters are still out in full force. Including that gentleman who left that lovely message at Gawker's office. (NSFW for "CALLTHEFUCKINGCOPS")...

If You Wanted Big Ben Traded, You Are A Moron
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

MIT Had Its Own "Fuck List"...In 1977
It turns out renowned egghead university MIT was also dragged into a sex scandal thanks to two female students who wrote a detailed, "consumer guide" to 36 male students they humped....

What They're Saying About Brett Favre's Penis Today
As the league's investigation rolls on, it's time for the media to hammer all the angles and the pundits to weigh in. Whose coverage hits it on the head, and whose comes up short?...

Brett Favre Has His Hands Full With Himself
Here's a video of Brett Favre getting hit in the crotch with a football during Minnesota's practice today....

"Nude Katy Perry" Photos And Other Things We've Been Offered Since The Favre Story
Since the Brett Favre story has gone from salacious "internet report" to a talking point on Access Hollywood, many, many people are finding out that, yes, we do pay for stories every once in a while....

Stories That Don't Suck: The Epic Tale Of America's Greatest Ping-Pong Hustler
Occasionally, we'll select stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that we urge you to read for one reason or another. Today: newly minted Man Booker recipient Howard Jacobson on ping-pong's "boldest adventurer," Marty Reisman....

The Adventures Of A Guy Walking Around Vikings-Jets Tailgates With Brett Favre's Cock Photos
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — I set off to New Meadowlands Stadium last night with every intention of breaking the law. I think the charge would be public indecency. I had a FlipCam, three cock shots, and no sense of social mores....