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It's Gallimaufry Time!
If you thought we're being lazy for only doing this once a year, imagine how lazy you'll think we're being when we make one of our entries the......
Little Man, Gigantic Exaggeration Of His Abilities
When Deadspin asked us to write these articles, we went back and forth a few times on the date, and eventually settled on Sept. 22. I'd like to believe that somehow, that's because we knew, or perhaps sensed, that this article was going to be published on Sept. 20....
Reports Of Murray Chass’s Sanity Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
Murray Chass is still writing a blog about how he hates blogs. It's pretty delightful, in an Away from Her kind of way. Sometimes he even writes about baseball. He's usually wrong. Let's say "fuck" a bunch!...
Is This Normal?
There's something in this article that is incredibly weird and scary. So, as you prepare to read it...just be cool. Relax your shoulders. Buy a nice sound machine and set it to "Babbling Brook." Take deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth....
Titties Vs. VORP
Yo, you like tits? Yeah, me too. Titties is awesome....
Playing Down To Your Audience
Hey, kids — Mitch Albom has some advice for you! And here it is!...
EXTRA! EXTRA! Jeter Has Best Year Yet!
Have you heard that Derek Jeter's having an off year? It's total horseshit! Derek Jeter is the sixth-best hitter in baseball this year. It's completely true!...
Welcome, Strident Nerds!
We are the surviving members of a blog that used to exist called Fire Joe Morgan....
The Jets Introduced A Car Service For Players The Week Before Braylon Edwards's DUI
As pointed out this morning (and ReTweeted by Peter King — cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria), the most galling thing about Edwards driving drunk is the sheer number of alternatives. Here's another one: the Jets provide free cars and drivers....
We Have Chosen A Winner Of The Jason Whitlock Photoshop Contest (Gallery)
Yesterday's Jason Whitlock Photoshop Cattle Call provided us with a host of wonderful pictures, but we had to narrow them down to this gallery and pick a winner. Winner and honorable mentions after the jump (second prize, pictured here, goes to Murray Hewitt; good show)....
You Wanted The Best, You Got The Best, The Hottest Non-Working Blog In The World...Fire Joe Morgan
Lock up your Plaschkes and hide your David Eckstein bobbleheads tomorrow, shitbirds, because Ken Tremendous, DAK, and Junior return to plunge a pointy stake into the flaccid heart of sports journalism once again. Who's excited? GETEXCITED....
Screw You And Your Iowa Shirt
It's my anniversary today, and when you've been married eight years and have small children, you are free to do away with all the bells and whistles an anniversary is supposed to entail....
This Photo Of Jason Whitlock Is Begging To Have A Hamburger Photoshopped Into It
Congratulations to our nemesis Jason Whitlock for the big NYT's write-up on his controversial sports journalism and how it's propelled him to media fame and a fortune big enough to own a house in Los Angeles and one in Kansas City....
"ITS 2 AM, SO I WILL END WITH DISGUST FOR YOUR AWFUL BEHAVIOR," And Other Emails About The U.S. Open
Well, our little rant about the festival of ineptitude that was the television coverage of the U.S. Open men's final seemed to touch a nerve....
Notes On "Campdick": A Former NFLer On Ines Sainz And Locker-Room Sexual Tension
A babe reporter walks into a locker room. Catcalls ensue; jock straps fly; penises shrivel. She doesn't understand the words, but she understands the sexual tension. It's palpable when an attractive woman appears. Palpable. Players call it campdick....
Look At The Fucking End Of This Trend: Sayonara, Hoopsters
The Hoopsters brought us a lot of enjoyment over the last two months. However, now that summer's over and the New York Times is writing about them—and quoting me—it's time to say goodbye....
Embracing The Dog Killer: Michael Vick Is The Best Football Player In The Universe Ever
Last August I interrupted a weeknight of carousing to go home and write about my hometown Eagles' signing of Michael Vick because I was just so dumbfounded by the move. My headline was "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST." It's more apt now....
John Salley Story Corner: Dennis Rodman Will Blow Up Your Spot
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: getting your spot blown up by Dennis Rodman...
The One Where Erin Andrews And Kirk Herbstreit Rumors Resurface
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. If you're new, read this to figure out what we do here. If not, well, let's get down to business....
Fight Night On 9/11: A Lust For Destructo Porn And The Folly Of Creative Boxing
LAS VEGAS — On Sept. 11, firefighters in Clark County, Nev., somberly parked their trucks in front of the New York, New York casino, complementing a fake NY Fire boat on a fake lake underneath a fake Statue of Liberty....