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The Time I Got Stool Softener For My Ear Because My Earwax Was Stabbing My Brain, And Other Poop Stories
Hello, little lambs. It's me, some lady! You might remember me from yelling about vagina over at Jezebel, or from that time one year ago when Drew went on vacation and I wrote a weird Funbag about banana phones and jism. Can you believe it's been an entire year? ME NEITHER. But now Drew has up and l...

Dontrelle Willis Retires. Mark Prior Tries To Make A Comeback. Baseball Remains A Sadistic Bastard.
Dontrelle Willis retired on Monday at the age of 30, bringing to an end one of the most baffling baseball careers of the past decade. The day before, Mark Prior, nursing an oblique strain, threw a bullpen session for the Pawtucket Red Sox. He hadn't pitched in a game since June 21, when he scuffled ...

Olympics Field Guide: Im Dong-Hyun, The Lethal Blind Archer
Name: Im Dong-Hyun...

How To Burp Like A World Champ In 5 Steps, Featuring Competitive Eater And Burping World Champ Tim Janus
The results from the 2011 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest tell us that Tim "Eater X" Janus is the third-best hot-dog eater in the world. He owns world records for speed-eating burritos, sushi, and ramen noodles....

The Grierson & Leitch July 4 Extravaganza: Movies That Made Us Feel Crappy About America
Today and tomorrow, Grierson & Leitch honors America by spotlighting films that exemplify the best our country has to offer—and the worst. Today: Movies that made us feel worse about America. ...

Tony La Russa: Asshole Or Dipshit? Let's Discuss!
Tony La Russa was never the cuddliest of MLB managers, and he's done a lot of things that would preclude him from ever being invited to anyone's Christmas party. But the big question remains, is La Russa a dipshit or an asshole? Let's settle this in the discussion section below....

What If Joe Paterno Was Innocent? Hypothetical Dialogues From A Dark Time At Penn State
Circumstantially, the Jerry Sandusky case keeps getting worse and worse for Joe Paterno. Circumstantially. This past weekend, CNN described an email that Penn State's now-former athletic director, Tim Curley, allegedly sent to other university officials in 2001, canceling plans to report Sandusky to...

The Second Time They Met, Jeffrey Maier Didn't Dare Mess With Tony Tarasco
When I met Jeffrey Maier, he was Coach Maier and I had no idea who he was. Of course I remembered the boy who stole an out from two feet above Tony Tarasco's glove and turned it into an eight inning, game-tying home run in the '96 ALDS. The Yankees would win the game, and the series, and the champio...

ESPN Didn't Try That Hard To Keep Erin Andrews: How The Sideline Reporter Wound Up At Fox
Everyone in Bristol figured Erin Andrews would return. Andrews told SI's Richard Deitsch:...

Former Olympic Champion Nastia Liukin Faceplants After Her Dad Fails To Spot Her Correctly
2008 Olympic women's gymnastics all-around champion and Subway sandwich spokesperson Nastia Liukin will likely take no part in this year's London Games after an embarrassing uneven bars fall she can blame as much on her coach/spotter/dad Valeri Liukin as she can her own mistake. ...

It's Official: Erin Andrews Joins Fox
Well, congratulations are in order. Fox has officially announced the return of Erin Andrews to the network responsible for her first break in 2000 when she worked at Fox Sports Florida. ...

Oklahoma City Thunder Fan Is Selling His Homemade Painted Car
If you are in the market for a hideous car made even more hideous by a custom paint job, today is your lucky day. Drew Hooper, who can only be described as a Thunder super fan, decided to spruce up his 1996 Suzuki X-90 in really the only way a 1996 Suzuki X-90 can be spruced up: he painted Thunder p...

Leaked Penn State Emails Suggest Joe Paterno Protected Jerry Sandusky
For those still genuflecting at the altar of Paterno, this is bad. According to CNN, Penn State officials were discussing a plan of action to handle the Sandusky mess in 2001 that involved contacting child welfare services. One official spoke with Joe Paterno and the next day, that was no longer the...

Ann Curry Was Never Going To Carry The Ball Over The Finish Line On The <em>Today</em> Show
So thanks to the Internet I'm looking at the L.A. Times and their "Company Town" thing, all about the Business of Show, because like the Tribune paper in Baltimore, my town, in the IN THE NEWS or HOT TOPICS bar, if you will, across the top of the Web page I saw ANN CURRY, and my first reaction was ...

Erin Andrews Is Leaving ESPN
ESPN just confirmed that the network's relationship with Erin Andrews is over. It looks like she's headed to Fox, per a Richard Deitsch column....

Dead Letters: "Gggghhgagajaggggj-gggggghghggjgjg"
Subject: Anderson was the “somebody cute’...

Didn't We Just Do This? <em>The Amazing Spider-Man</em>, Reviewed.
1. The Amazing Spider-Man is less a reboot than a recital. It's professionally made and competent and sincere and well-acted, but it never quite overcomes the nagging sense that there's no reason for it to exist. Well, actually, there is a reason: Sony, to keep the rights to the character, needed to...

Olympics Field Guide: Hiroshi Hoketsu, The 71-Year-Old Olympian
Name: Hiroshi Hoketsu...

NBA Draft Spectators Spent Nearly Five Full Minutes Booing David Stern Last Night
The NBA is sometimes accused of being deaf to criticism, and holding last night's draft in the arena recently abandoned by the new Brooklyn Nets seems like an invitation to belligerence. But it's not just Nets fans who have beef with commissioner David Stern, and he hasn't exactly been graceful w...

Is <em>USA Today</em>'s Veteran Gambling Guy Buying Twitter Followers?
Remember our old friend Sarah Phillips, the internet huckster and former ESPN columnist? One of her many tricks, we learned, was to buy followers on Twitter—a new scheme for a new era. The more followers you have, the more influence you can claim to have. In a monetized social-media landscape, the T...