tsa Page 14 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Five Months Later, The Rudderless, League-Worst Suns Are Finally Interviewing For A General Manager
The Suns recently snapped a team-record and almost-season-worst* 17-game losing streak. They have won fewer than a fifth of their games this season, and once again they are the worst basketball team in the NBA. Their ongoing, endless dysfunction has finally risen to the level of “a concern for the ...
This Little Kid's Spinning Backheel Volley Goal Is Cooler Than Anything You've Ever Done In Your Life
I don’t think goals in Polish U11 futsal tournaments qualify for the Puskás Award, but if they did then this unreal dink from little Bartosz Kuśmierczyk would make for a hell of a contender:...
Khalil Mack Uses His Butt To Earn Half A Sack
Bears pass rusher Khalil Mack is almost impossible to stop with his left-arm move, but he introduced a new devastating technique in today’s game against the Packers: the butt sack....
Suns Owner Robert Sarver Refutes Report Of Relocation Threat, Says The Suns "Are Not Leaving Phoenix"
Reports yesterday had Suns owner and overall dingus Robert Sarver threatening to relocate his shoddy-ass basketball operation to Las Vegas or Seattle if the city of Phoenix didn’t get behind a public financing plan to renovate the team’s current home. Also yesterday, Sarver was thrashed at a city co...
Phoenix Woman Dunks On Suns Owner Robert Sarver At City Council Meeting
The Phoenix City Council was supposed to vote Wednesday on a murky proposal to give Suns owner Robert Sarver $150 million in public money for arena renovations, but the formal vote was pushed back a month, in part because the plan, which is bad, would have failed. Citizens were still able to speak t...
Suns Owner Robert Sarver Threatens To Move The Team If He Can't Bully Phoenix Out Of More Money
This afternoon, the Phoenix City Council is set to vote on a mysterious bill that would authorize $150 million in funding for extensive renovations to the Phoenix Suns’ arena, which was most recently remodeled in 2003. The plan was apparently unveiled less than a week ago; it involves the city payin...
Today Is A Great Day For A Ron, But Maybe Not For Long
This is Ron Hextall. Until this morning, he was the GM of the Philadelphia Flyers. In five years, he completely rebuilt the roster and restocked the farm system, and while that is an accomplishment given what he inherited, five years is a long time for a team to go without winning a single playoff s...
Derek Carr Has Joined His Brother David In Stat Hell
Ravens linebacker Matthew Judon sacked Raiders QB Derek Carr on three consecutive offensive plays during Baltimore’s 34-17 win Sunday. That’s a rare accomplishment. Since 1982, only one other player has sacked the quarterback three straight times in one game: Colts defensive end Brad Scioli, who did...
Did You Hear About This? The Giants Have Two Players Named Eli, And They Traded The Wrong Freakin' One!
Today, the New York Giants traded Eli ... cornerback Eli Apple, that is. Ah, did you think it’d be their once-great, now-disintegrating quarterback Eli Manning? Don’t you look like an ass, now! It was in fact their underwhelming defensive player, who’s going to the Saints for some late picks....
Fire The Suns Into The Sun
The Suns fired GM Ryan McDonough on Monday. Firing McDonough makes sense, as he has proven himself to be very bad at building a coherent NBA roster, let alone one capable of winning more games than it loses. Firing him nine days before the start of the regular season is just more flailing absurdity ...
Mickey Callaway Says He Totally Meant To Make That Questionable Pitching Change
During Monday’s 3-1 loss to the Phillies, rookie Mets manager Mickey Callaway appeared to biff a simple task when he elected to bring in left-handed reliever Jerry Blevins before the Phillies officially declared their pinch hitter. This allowed Phillies skipper Gabe Kapler to outflank Callaway and s...
Giants Lineman A.J. Francis Says TSA Spilled His Mom's Ashes All Over His Suitcase
New York Giants defensive tackle A.J. Francis spent the past week with family and friends in Arkansas and California following the June death of his mother, Carrie Leanne Francis. On Monday morning after a flight, Francis posted a photo of the inside of his suitcase, which had been searched by the T...
The Results Of Taking A Fastball To The Nuts Are As Horrifying As You Can Imagine
Today’s column is about Yadier Molina’s exploded nuts....
Your Guide To The CONIFA World Cup, The World Cup For Not-Quite-Countries<em></em>
LONDON — “We have nothing against FIFA,” CONIFA General Secretary Sascha Düerkop told a tittering press corps on Wednesday. We were all sitting in the basement of a student accommodation block in North London. “They are very great to learn how not to do things.” ...
There's Always Been Blood On UNC's Confederate Statue<em></em>
“I smeared my blood and red ink on the statue because the statue was lacking proper historical context. This statue, Silent Sam, was built on white supremacy. It was built by white supremacists. It was built by people who believed that Black people were inferior and wanted to intimidate them. So the...
How The Cold Can Destroy Your Mind And Your Body
Today’s column is about freezing to death....
Veteran Fighter Leslie Smith Says UFC Cut Her Because Of Her Union Organizing Efforts
Pro MMA veteran Leslie Smith was supposed to fight on last weekend’s UFC Fight Night card, but her bout with Aspen Ladd was scrapped under strange circumstances. Ladd weighed in 1.8 pounds over the limit, claiming that “certain female circumstances” kept her from being able to cut weight. Smith init...
From The Grave, Dead Fabulist Pat Conroy Gives New Life To Whopper About Getting His Ass Kicked By His Dad<em></em>
Pat Conroy was full of shit....
I Blame Chris Brown
Here are just a few, tiny things that happened in a dark, bizarre, depressing Year of our Lord 2018:...
Darren Rovell Plays Basketball Like A Tortured Soul Who Writes About Sports Business<em></em>
ESPN sports business reporter and press-release dumpster Darren Rovell plays D like he has suddenly been stricken with scoliosis. This was true in 2016 when he flailed and yelled at Kristaps Porzingis, and it was still true this weekend when he took on AND1 Mixtape star Philip “Hot Sauce” Champion a...