tsa Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Derek Carr Has Joined His Brother David In Stat Hell
Ravens linebacker Matthew Judon sacked Raiders QB Derek Carr on three consecutive offensive plays during Baltimore’s 34-17 win Sunday. That’s a rare accomplishment. Since 1982, only one other player has sacked the quarterback three straight times in one game: Colts defensive end Brad Scioli, who did...
Did You Hear About This? The Giants Have Two Players Named Eli, And They Traded The Wrong Freakin' One!
Today, the New York Giants traded Eli ... cornerback Eli Apple, that is. Ah, did you think it’d be their once-great, now-disintegrating quarterback Eli Manning? Don’t you look like an ass, now! It was in fact their underwhelming defensive player, who’s going to the Saints for some late picks....
Fire The Suns Into The Sun
The Suns fired GM Ryan McDonough on Monday. Firing McDonough makes sense, as he has proven himself to be very bad at building a coherent NBA roster, let alone one capable of winning more games than it loses. Firing him nine days before the start of the regular season is just more flailing absurdity ...
Mickey Callaway Says He Totally Meant To Make That Questionable Pitching Change
During Monday’s 3-1 loss to the Phillies, rookie Mets manager Mickey Callaway appeared to biff a simple task when he elected to bring in left-handed reliever Jerry Blevins before the Phillies officially declared their pinch hitter. This allowed Phillies skipper Gabe Kapler to outflank Callaway and s...
Giants Lineman A.J. Francis Says TSA Spilled His Mom's Ashes All Over His Suitcase
New York Giants defensive tackle A.J. Francis spent the past week with family and friends in Arkansas and California following the June death of his mother, Carrie Leanne Francis. On Monday morning after a flight, Francis posted a photo of the inside of his suitcase, which had been searched by the T...
The Results Of Taking A Fastball To The Nuts Are As Horrifying As You Can Imagine
Today’s column is about Yadier Molina’s exploded nuts....
Your Guide To The CONIFA World Cup, The World Cup For Not-Quite-Countries<em></em>
LONDON — “We have nothing against FIFA,” CONIFA General Secretary Sascha Düerkop told a tittering press corps on Wednesday. We were all sitting in the basement of a student accommodation block in North London. “They are very great to learn how not to do things.” ...
There's Always Been Blood On UNC's Confederate Statue<em></em>
“I smeared my blood and red ink on the statue because the statue was lacking proper historical context. This statue, Silent Sam, was built on white supremacy. It was built by white supremacists. It was built by people who believed that Black people were inferior and wanted to intimidate them. So the...
How The Cold Can Destroy Your Mind And Your Body
Today’s column is about freezing to death....
Veteran Fighter Leslie Smith Says UFC Cut Her Because Of Her Union Organizing Efforts
Pro MMA veteran Leslie Smith was supposed to fight on last weekend’s UFC Fight Night card, but her bout with Aspen Ladd was scrapped under strange circumstances. Ladd weighed in 1.8 pounds over the limit, claiming that “certain female circumstances” kept her from being able to cut weight. Smith init...
From The Grave, Dead Fabulist Pat Conroy Gives New Life To Whopper About Getting His Ass Kicked By His Dad<em></em>
Pat Conroy was full of shit....
I Blame Chris Brown
Here are just a few, tiny things that happened in a dark, bizarre, depressing Year of our Lord 2018:...
Darren Rovell Plays Basketball Like A Tortured Soul Who Writes About Sports Business<em></em>
ESPN sports business reporter and press-release dumpster Darren Rovell plays D like he has suddenly been stricken with scoliosis. This was true in 2016 when he flailed and yelled at Kristaps Porzingis, and it was still true this weekend when he took on AND1 Mixtape star Philip “Hot Sauce” Champion a...
We Got A Minor-League Hockey Goalie Fight
The Walleye no longer play at the Toledo Sports Arena, but the ECHL action tonight brought back memories of that smoke-filled brawlatorium as tonight’s game against the Kansas City Mavericks got feisty in the third period:...
Airport Security Will Need To Check Your Super Bowl Program Separately
MINNEAPOLIS — Travelers for the Super Bowl continue to stream into Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport. They’re being greeted by a sign that informs them of the dangers of the Super Bowl program....
Forcing Hawks Fans To Try And Guard Hot Sauce Is Very Cruel And Very Funny
It can’t be easy coming up with new in-arena gimmicks to entertain NBA fans during stoppages in play—there is only one Red Panda to go around, after all—so kudos to the Atlanta Hawks for a new recurring segment in which street ball legend and AND1 Mixtape star Philip “Hot Sauce” Champion embarrasses...
All The Nasty Tricks MRSA Uses To Fuck You Up
Today’s column is about skin-colonizing bacteria....
Futsal Kid Scores Penalty, Hits Three Pointer, Causes Mass Hysteria All In One Move
This young man kicking a ball past the keeper and into the net while also kicking his shoe up and through the nearby basketball hoop is the apex of simultaneous multi-sport excellence—which his stunned and elated buddies react to appropriately by losing their minds:...
USC Finally Shows Some Fight
Tonight’s big Cotton Bowl matchup proved to be a snoozer, as Ohio State dominated USC and Trojans quarterback Sam Darnold pooped all over the field in what can only be seen as a desperate attempt to avoid being drafted by the Browns. USC finally woke up with two minutes left, showing a bit of grit a...
