ugh Page 66 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Update 1: All Systems Go
In the words of jeremycham, "it has begun". Some good stuff to start, but we could have used a few more Greg Paulus references....

Guess Hugh's Back?
The Hugh Johnson Project, that is the one who is back!...

Please Make This Cougar Phenomenon Go Away
Seriously. Just stop. Fellas, if you need a release that bad, act like everyone else and patronize your local washy-wash. You'll feel slightly less humiliated. [7x7]...

This Man Will Not Defecate For Less Than Your Annual Salary
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Paper Tigers: Memphis Didn't Win Those Things They Won
Your new NCAA record-holder for most wins in a season: the four teams that used to hold it before Memphis won 38 in 2007-08. That's because Memphis has to vacate all of them, plus their Final Four appearance....

The One With Joakimpalooza And Being Scolded For Joy
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Chris Bosh And Friend Sweet Talk The Ladies Via T-Shirt
It's not every day you run into something this unusual and outrageous on the streets of Toronto. Oh, look ... Chris Bosh is there too....

Fart-Gate Scandal Blown Wide Open
After what seems like decades of secrecy and lies, America demands to know: Who cut the cheese? Now we may finally have our answer. The conspiracy goes far deeper than any of us could have imagined....and it really stinks....

Blackhawks GM Fired For Not Following Example Set By Cubs
Dale Tallon took over a terrible post-lockout Blackhawks franchise, combined shrewd drafting and solid free agent picks to build a young, exciting contender and was rewarded for his efforts with a swift kick in the pants. That's the Chicago way....

Are The Pacers Too White ... Or Not White Enough?
In the time-honored tradition of raising a controversial proposition for the express purpose of shooting it down, Indy Star stalwart Bob Kravitz asks, "Why are the Indiana Pacers so lily white?"...

Brett Tomko Uses Painting To Ease Pain Of Being Brett Tomko
"For me, the best way to move on from [a bad outing] is to get the paints out. Kind of take my mind off the pitching for a few hours and just kind of regroup." [Star-Ledger]...

The One With People Drinking And The Return Of The Fanny Cough Yarn-Spinner
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Where Awkward Happens: Reading The Body Language Of NBA Draft Picks
The David Stern handshake is a newly drafted player's baptism into the NBA. It is also, often as not, hilariously awkward. We asked body language maven Patti Wood to analyze some of these moments from yesterday's Draft....

Tyler Hansbrough Mocks You Mocking Him
"These are probably a bunch of guys who just sit in their basements and probably just write out mock drafts and do this or do that." [SRI]...

Racism Charge Rocks(?) NASCAR
Bryan Berry, the crew chief for Nationwide Series driver Brendan Gaughan, was suspended after an incident in last Saturday night's race where he allegedly yelled a racial slur at driver Marc Davis. Are you stunned yet?...

The Rehabilitation Of Jim Leyritz Continues Apace, One Minor League Promotion At A Time
Get out your autograph books, kids — it's Legends Sunday at the Newark Bears' ballpark, and guess who'll be there! Why, none other than Jim "Jimmy" Leyritz, the legend on trial for vehicular manslaughter!...

Rugby Player Guilty Of Manslaughter After On-Field Hit
A high school rugby player in Canada was convicted of manslaughter after he engaged in some "extracurriculars" as they like to say—or "a brutal unprovoked attack" depending on your point of view—that accidentally killed an opposing player. Should the fact that they were playing rugby make any differ...

Old Man At The Lakers Game Continues To Let Everyone Know They've Failed
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Don't Make Any Loud Noises While Tyler Hansbrough Writes His Name
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Soccer Player Killed By Lightning, Then Goes On With His Life
Here's another story of deceased soccer fans, only this one has a happy ending, because the kid in question was lucky enough to be raised from the dead....