um Page 244 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jack Johnson Is Fighting For His Contract In Bankruptcy Court
Columbus Blue Jackets defenseman Jack Johnson filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy last October, after being scammed out of millions by his parents. Now, he’s attempting to convert his filing into a Chapter 7 case—which, in very broad terms, would allow Johnson to resolve his debts by liquidating his ass...
An R.E.M. Song For Each 2016 Presidential Candidate
So Donald Trump took the stage at an anti-Iran-deal rally to the strains of R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine),” and Michael Stipe got all salty about it, and, well, look out. You’re welcome....
Bad Old Man Likes Other Bad Old Man
Mike Ditka, a cigar on life support, recently said some nice things about Donald Trump, a fart telling an endless joke about itself. This, naturally, has led to Trump stating that he’d like to get Ditka “involved in some capacity” with his potential presidency:...
Mexican TV Station Uses Donald Trump To Troll USMNT
The USMNT and Mexico are all set to square off next month in a crucial, one-off playoff for admission into the 2017 Confederations Cup in Russia. One Mexican TV station has pretty ingeniously cut up bits from a Donald Trump speech to predict America’s downfall. Here’s the TV spot:...
Bumble Gives Women The Power, But Men Love It Anyway
So Bumble is the new Hinge, which was the new Tinder, which was the new OkCupid. That’s what happens with dating apps: The cool new one inevitably gets overrun by creeps and BDSM enthusiasts, and a cooler, newer, better one comes along to weed out the riffraff and offer yet another gimmicky way to f...
Insert Jokes Here
We’re leaving this one up to the commenters. Do your best!...
Two Fans Go To The Hospital After Bolt Falls From Roof At Colts Game
Three fans were injured, and two taken to the hospital, after a bolt sheared off the roof of the Indianapolis Colts’ stadium during tonight’s preseason game against the Bengals. The accident occurred as the roof was being retracted just before halftime. ...
Scoundrel Mountain: The Sordid, Untold History Of The Pitching Mound
The modern Baseball pitcher utilizes myriad sleights of hand in his quest to fool and demoralize the slugger. Taunts, curses, incantations. Foreign substances added to the ball, including but not limited to urine and faeces (both human and animal) or reproductive fluids (both human and animal). Divi...
Someone Appears To Be Trying To Hoax The Marlins President Out Of His Job
When the Miami Marlins sent Marcell Ozuna to the minors on July 5, there was more in play than just giving the slumping third-year outfielder a chance “to get his rhythm back,” as Ozuna’s agent Scott Boras said he was told. Whether Ozuna becomes eligible for arbitration after this season or next dep...
"Iman" Is A Fine Name For Iman Shumpert's Daughter
Iman Shumpert and singer Teyana Taylor are having a baby. The Cleveland Cavalier posted the sonogram on his Instagram, and announced plans to name the girl Iman Shumpert Jr. Relax. It’s not a big deal....
Summer Movies 2015: <i>Mad Max</i> Rises, Adam Sandler Sinks
For all the talk about how summer movies are supposedly rotting everyone’s souls, this summer produced:...
Darren Rovell Says Racism Is Okay If The Market Approves; ESPNers Flee
Darren Rovell, a commemorative gift plate from the American Enterprise Institute that somehow talks and writes and uses social media, went there just now on Twitter, and it’s a sight to behold—a service to the nation, in its way. While a market fundamentalist with a neuron or two firing would probab...
Dumbass Has Dumb Thoughts On Paternity Leave
Hate clicks are still clicks, but John Stiegerwald — the dumbass columnist who blamed Bryan Stow for getting beaten up — was kind enough to post his rant against Trevor Rosenthal taking paternity leave on Facebook, where we won’t have to give him any uniques to read his impressive buffoonery....
Callum Wilson Overhead Kick Gives Bournemouth Lead On Leicester City
We noted here that AFC Bournemouth had the potential to be one of the Premiership’s most exciting clubs this season, and the Cherries haven’t let us down—with Callum Wilson’s acrobatic overhead kick putting his side up 1-0 in the first half today against Leicester City....
Wait, Floyd Mayweather Made <i>How Much </i>Money Last Year?
So a thing that’s been in the news recently is the ongoing exchange of sick burns between boxer “Fuckboy” Floyd Mayweather and mixed martial artist Ronda Rousey. This beef is verbal, with tension sparked and stoked by thickheaded, numbnutted clownmen who think that pitting an athlete of one sport ag...
Father Of Retiring World Famous Cricketer: He Was Only Okay, Could've Been Better
Sri Lankan cricketer Kumar Sangakkara retired after playing his final test cricket match against India the other day. The accolades are rolling in—the Sri Lankan president offered him the post of High Commissioner (ambassador, sort of) to the United Kingdom—and everybody is weighing in on his legacy...
Drake And Serena Williams Enjoy Themselves And Each Other At Fancy Cincinnati Restaurant
The Yelp page of Cincinnati Italian trattoria Sotto boasts that it’s a restaurant for “casual intimacy and communal romance,” so it makes sense that Drake and Serena Williams were spotted at a table essentially fucking with their clothes on....