ump Page 28 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Stop Calling It "Gaslighting"
“Lie” is a great word. It’s a short, to-the-point noun with a universally agreed upon meaning that we all learn before we even enter kindergarten. Call someone a liar, and any English-speaker in the world will require no clarification—they’ll know that someone isn’t telling the truth....
College Football Coaches Love To Get Upset About The Internet
College football coaches, as a general rule, are a weird group of people. The job seems built to attract a specific type of deeply strange person—take the most obsessive and ambitious and aggressive gym teacher possible, then pay him millions of dollars and make him one of the most recognizable and ...
Swiss Army Says It May Scold Mountain Biker For "Mooning" Donald Trump On Instagram
The Swiss Army said it could reprimand world champion mountain biker Nino Schurter for posting a picture of his ass, along with the asses of three others, in front of the White House and tagging Donald Trump....
Joe West Picked One Hell Of A Time To Make His Worst Call Of The Night
It had been a while since Joe West made his way into the spotlight, so the umpire decided that the bottom of the ninth in a one-run game was a good time to give his despised brand of officiating a solid boost. Blue Jays closer Ken Giles had just thrown a 97 mph fastball to Brett Gardner well outside...
Nutty Blackmail Plot Involves "Well-Known" Premier League Player Jumping Out Hotel Window Mid-Booty Call
When one Premier League player, whose name is being protected by the authorities, walked into Natalie Wood’s hotel room last year and began to undress, he must’ve believed he was only in for another night of fun and sex with the woman for whom he’d been cheating on his partner. Instead, before the p...
Donald Trump Namedrops “Big Strong Guy” Ryan Klesko During Mariano Rivera Ceremony
Donald Trump’s speech this afternoon was relatively lucid. He stayed on topic, and he even used a series of facts to prove his point, which was that Mariano Rivera was the greatest baseball pitcher of all time. It wasn’t quite diplomacy, but this 15-minute speech about baseball might have been the l...
Donald Trump: We Love Bill Belichick, Don't We, And Also Curing AIDS?
There are two versions of President Donald Trump that appear in public. They both inhabit the same body—the same Youppi-shaped torso pitched forward at the same implausible angles, same ghost-pale eyelids fluttering alarmingly, same resplendent candyfloss Kangol of hair stuck on top of it like a wei...
Donald Trump Is Not Going To Let This Hurricane Thing Go
It can be difficult to remember given that he routinely appears on television with toilet paper on the soles of both his shoes and at least one of his hands stuck in a big jug of peanut butter, but Donald Trump’s opening position in all things is that he has never been wrong. He has been wronged, an...
Did Bum Phillips Ruin Earl Campbell?
Like most Oilers—or “Earlers,” as they were known as their star galloped his way to Rookie of the Year and two MVP trophies his first couple of years in the league—Earl Campbell loved playing for the cowboy-hatted, easy-going Bum Phillips, who was always easy with a wisecrack. Bum once said of the t...
Irritable Lance Lynn And Persnickety Umpire Confuse The Hell Out Of Each Other
Texas Rangers pitcher Lance Lynn did not have an especially fun time facing the dreaded Yankees Wednesday night. For starters, Aaron Judge and Gleyber Torres socked another couple dingers off him, and he got next to no run support, and wound up taking the loss. To make matters worse, home plate umpi...
Bill Belichick Is Here To Get You Pumped For Another NFL Season
Folks.... FOLKS. The NFL season starts tomorrow night. In just over 24 hours, it will once again be time to bathe ourselves in scalding NFL action. Are you ready for the big hits? The big throws? The big runs? The bashing and bruising? If you are not yet ready for these things, allow best-coach-in-t...
Umpire Rob Drake Makes Compelling Case For Umpire Robo Drake
The way the robo-umpire experiment down in the Atlantic League is configured, it should not especially threaten the jobs of human umpires, who are still tasked with communicating balls and strikes and acting as a failsafe against computer glitches. That’s good news for all human umpires, but perhaps...
Keon Broxton Earns Ejection With Badass Long-Distance No-Look Glove Slap
I prefer to live in a world where the action that got Keon Broxton ejected from Monday night’s Yankees-Mariners game was 100 percent intentional. What’s more, I prefer to live in a world where Broxton becomes the Homer Simpson of the no-look glove-slap, and goes around flinging gloves across the fac...
Larry Bird Complains After Artist’s Mural Makes Him Seem Too Interesting
Artist Jules Muck recently painted a mural of Larry Bird in the Fountain Square section of Indianapolis, which features the image of Bird in his Indiana State jersey doing the “Shh!” gesture, similar to the Nov. 28, 1977 cover of Sports Illustrated. This time, though, Bird is doing the shushing inst...
Look At This Weird Thing Donald Trump Just Belched Up<i></i>
In March, a young whale beached itself in Davao City, in the Philippines. When scientists from the local museum—it is, delightfully, called D’Bone Collector Natural History Museum—did a necropsy on the whale after its death, they discovered that it had starved to death because its stomach contained...
The Cubs Were Screwed By The Worst Strike Three Call Of The Season, Maybe Of All Time
Maybe it’s time to let our robot umpire overlords reign supreme. At the very least, Cubs fans would be well within their rights in calling for the technology that will, in theory if not yet in practice, remove human error from strikes and balls, after Chicago was on the wrong end of one of the worst...
Who Is The Most Famous Person Ever?
Today, we’re talking about toilet flushing, fame, farts, Trump push-ups and more. ...
Curt Schilling Once Again Threatens To Run For Office
Curt Schilling, former major-league pitcher and World Series hero who squandered away so much goodwill that the Red Sox no longer want anything to do with him, has for the umpteenth time floated the idea of running for office. What makes this time different is that Donald Trump gave him a signal boo...
Brian Flores Encourages Kenny Stills To Keep Stephen Ross Criticisms Private, Like A Real Company Man
In his apt criticism of team owner Stephen Ross’s support of Donald Trump, Dolphins wide receiver Kenny Stills has the truth, accuracy, and righteousness on his side—but not, it seems, his own head coach....
NFL Owners Have Always Been Terrible. It's Just That Now The President Is Worse.
When it comes to marrying brain-frozen, heavily armed plutocracy with mindless and quasi-religious ritual, the National Football League pretty much got there ahead of everybody. The number of NFL owners whose general political and social outlook has progressed past the conventional wisdom of the Art...