ump Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arrogant Dickwad Umpire Shouts "I Can Do Anything I Want" After Goading A.J. Hinch Into An Ejection
In the top of the second inning of Wednesday night’s Astros-Rangers game, home plate umpire Ron Kulpa called a low strike on a pitch from Rangers starter Mike Minor. It was not Kulpa’s first controversial strike zone call of the evening, and it greatly displeased the Astros bench. Kulpa, a sensitive...
Donald Trump Is Never More Donald Trump Than When He's Cheating At Golf
“There are so many ways he just throws up all over golf,” Rick Reilly told The Ringer’s Bryan Curtis for a story that was sort of about Reilly’s active retirement and also about Reilly’s new book on President Donald Trump’s life of crime on the golf course. That book is called Commander In Cheat, an...
Universe Rewards Home Plate Umpire For Defending His Crew Mate By Directing A Fastball Into His Junk
This delightful baseball sequence begins with Cardinals third baseman Matt Carpenter leading off the top of the 11th inning against Pirates hurler Steven Brault. With the count at 2–2, Brault threw a breaking pitch down and away, and Carpenter appeared to check his swing. Third base umpire Jordan Ba...
Trump Department Of Education Wants To Defund The Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos met with members of a House appropriations subcommittee to defend her department’s proposed budget for the next fiscal year. It was, like most of what happens in government, a ritualistic offering—the proposed budget is a proposal that reflects the admi...
The President Couldn't Help Being Weird At The Capitals' White House Visit
On Monday—a curiously long time after winning the Stanley Cup, given that the team in question didn’t need to wait for a road trip to Washington—the Capitals visited the White House. More notable was who didn’t make the trip....
Angel Hernández, <em></em>Everyone's Least Favorite Umpire, Is Already Back On His Bullshit
Angel Hernández, arguably the most disliked umpire among active MLB players, has already shown on Friday that he’s in midseason form. Hernández ejected Astros manager A.J. Hinch just one pitch into the bottom of the first inning of his team’s game against the Cardinals. Hinch reportedly had to be re...
<em></em>Donald Trump Awards Donald Trump Trump's 20th Trump Golf Club Championship
According to people whose lives may well have depended upon it, the late North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il had an excellent golf game. One story told of Kim’s golf prowess crossed the demilitarized zone and become something of a minor meme: that Kim, while playing the first round of golf of his life...
Ryoyu Kobayashi Becomes First Non-European Man To Win Overall World Cup Ski Jump Title
This weekend, Japanese ski jumper Ryoyu Kobayashi broke Europe’s decades-long domination of the ski jump World Cup by becoming the first non-European man to win the overall title....
Of Course The Founder Of Orchids Of Asia Watched The Super Bowl With Donald Trump
From the Miami Herald comes yet another very convincing piece of evidence that we are all existing in the dumbest possible timeline. Li Yang, the 45-year-old woman who founded the massage parlor where Patriots owner Robert Kraft is alleged to have solicited prostitution, watched this year’s Super B...
Donald Trump Inflated His Net Worth By $4 Billion When He Tried To Buy The Buffalo Bills
Not much going on today, other than the president’s former lawyer and fixer testifying before Congress that the president is a “racist,” a “conman,” and a “cheat.” Good thing for this humble sports website that the testimony has a sports angle!...
Donald Trump Inflated His Net Worth By $4 Billion When He Tried To Buy The Buffalo Bills
Not much going on today, other than the president’s former lawyer and fixer testifying before Congress that the president is a “racist,” a “conman,” and a “cheat.” Good thing for this humble sports website that the testimony has a sports angle!...
Report: Big Dumb President Spent $50,000 On Big Dumb Golf Simulator
If you’ve ever been to the golf section in a sporting goods store and taken a whirl on the golf simulator—in which you just whack a golf ball into a virtual screen six feet in front of you—you’ve probably wondered what kind of asshole would actually pay to have one installed in their house. Well, to...
Tennis Player Tells Himself To "Focus," Is Dinged For Audible Obscenity
Two years ago, tennis player Bryden Klein earned an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for calling tennis player Bryden Klein a “stupid person.” Even though the remark was self-directed, he was tagged with a game penalty and immediately lost the match. A worthy sequel arrived today at the ATP Challenge...
Look At This Fucking Soft-Ass Pud
Behold Donald Trump Jr., failed son of a failed son....
Soft Baby President Says Football Too Scary For Child <em></em>
Throughout the 2016 campaign and well into his administration, Donald Trump has made a point of calling the modern NFL cowardly and unwatchable for its slightly increased emphasis on concussion prevention. A sampling:...
Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?
The Patriots are, in all likelihood, going to win again, and it’s going to be awful. The question now is: What is the worst possible way they could win? A 52-6 blowout? A three-TD lead for L.A. followed by yet another miraculous comeback by everyone’s least-favorite fancy dog? Aaron Donald breaking ...
Has Trump Seen Jared Naked?
Today we’re talking about Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, and more....
You Can't Get There From Here
“It’s not going to change a damn thing,” the President of the United States told an assemblage of news anchors at an off-the-record White House meeting some weeks ago. “But I’m still doing it.” To a certain extent, that groaning is just standard Trump shit—his signature all-caps triumphalism is bala...
The Big Boy President Threw A Burger Party For His Football Pals
Here is the dream, as I imagine it: A bunch of football players are in the White House. Let’s just say they’re the 1985 Chicago Bears, and let’s further say that they’re doing The Super Bowl Shuffle for reasons that are not immediately apparent. We must say this because the dream is not mine—the dre...
Smooth-Brained Trump Lackey Finds Worst Possible Use For <i>NBA 2K19</i>
The latest iteration of the NBA 2K franchise allows players to design and customize their very own NBA arena. Nobody has put this feature to more depressing use than former White House communications staffer Steven Cheung:...