ump Page 32 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Of Course The Founder Of Orchids Of Asia Watched The Super Bowl With Donald Trump
From the Miami Herald comes yet another very convincing piece of evidence that we are all existing in the dumbest possible timeline. Li Yang, the 45-year-old woman who founded the massage parlor where Patriots owner Robert Kraft is alleged to have solicited prostitution, watched this year’s Super B...
Donald Trump Inflated His Net Worth By $4 Billion When He Tried To Buy The Buffalo Bills
Not much going on today, other than the president’s former lawyer and fixer testifying before Congress that the president is a “racist,” a “conman,” and a “cheat.” Good thing for this humble sports website that the testimony has a sports angle!...
Donald Trump Inflated His Net Worth By $4 Billion When He Tried To Buy The Buffalo Bills
Not much going on today, other than the president’s former lawyer and fixer testifying before Congress that the president is a “racist,” a “conman,” and a “cheat.” Good thing for this humble sports website that the testimony has a sports angle!...
Report: Big Dumb President Spent $50,000 On Big Dumb Golf Simulator
If you’ve ever been to the golf section in a sporting goods store and taken a whirl on the golf simulator—in which you just whack a golf ball into a virtual screen six feet in front of you—you’ve probably wondered what kind of asshole would actually pay to have one installed in their house. Well, to...
Tennis Player Tells Himself To "Focus," Is Dinged For Audible Obscenity
Two years ago, tennis player Bryden Klein earned an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for calling tennis player Bryden Klein a “stupid person.” Even though the remark was self-directed, he was tagged with a game penalty and immediately lost the match. A worthy sequel arrived today at the ATP Challenge...
Look At This Fucking Soft-Ass Pud
Behold Donald Trump Jr., failed son of a failed son....
Soft Baby President Says Football Too Scary For Child <em></em>
Throughout the 2016 campaign and well into his administration, Donald Trump has made a point of calling the modern NFL cowardly and unwatchable for its slightly increased emphasis on concussion prevention. A sampling:...
Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?
The Patriots are, in all likelihood, going to win again, and it’s going to be awful. The question now is: What is the worst possible way they could win? A 52-6 blowout? A three-TD lead for L.A. followed by yet another miraculous comeback by everyone’s least-favorite fancy dog? Aaron Donald breaking ...
Has Trump Seen Jared Naked?
Today we’re talking about Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, and more....
You Can't Get There From Here
“It’s not going to change a damn thing,” the President of the United States told an assemblage of news anchors at an off-the-record White House meeting some weeks ago. “But I’m still doing it.” To a certain extent, that groaning is just standard Trump shit—his signature all-caps triumphalism is bala...
The Big Boy President Threw A Burger Party For His Football Pals
Here is the dream, as I imagine it: A bunch of football players are in the White House. Let’s just say they’re the 1985 Chicago Bears, and let’s further say that they’re doing The Super Bowl Shuffle for reasons that are not immediately apparent. We must say this because the dream is not mine—the dre...
Smooth-Brained Trump Lackey Finds Worst Possible Use For <i>NBA 2K19</i>
The latest iteration of the NBA 2K franchise allows players to design and customize their very own NBA arena. Nobody has put this feature to more depressing use than former White House communications staffer Steven Cheung:...
Trevor Lawrence Shoots Down Hilariously Fake Meme About Enraging The "Coastal Elite Media"<em></em>
Have you heard the news? Trevor Lawrence, who is an American patriot first and Clemson’s star quarterback second, has destroyed the coastal elite media. It started when those vicious thrashers pooh-poohed and criticized President Donald Trump for throwing the Clemson Tigers a fast food bacchanalia i...
Seriously, This Loser Gave Clemson French Fries In Little Presidential Cups
I was ready to move on from Donald Trump’s fast-food dinner for the title-winning Clemson Tigers’ White House visit yesterday, but these shots from AP photographer Susan Walsh are too good to pass by without comment. He had the fries put in cups with the presidential seal on them. Presidential fries...
This Dude Really Served Clemson Boxed-Up Fast Food On A Bunch Of Fancy Trays
Earlier today, President Donald Trump boasted about getting a bunch of fast food for the college football national champions, who were visiting the White House tonight, and he really did it! Take a gander at those carefully arranged sauce packets in a dish on top of a tray, for no reason....
![President Trump: I’m Going To Serve Fast Food Burgers And Pizza To The Clemson Football Team [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/zei4dddlhnao8er2hp9f.jpg)
President Trump: I’m Going To Serve Fast Food Burgers And Pizza To The Clemson Football Team [Update]
The Clemson Tigers, 15-0 and national champions, will make the traditional national championship team visit to the White House tonight. That this visit is happening during a government shutdown has rankled some, especially since not every team is even invited anymore. (Villanova didn’t get one. The ...
Perhaps It Is Not A Good Idea To Jump This High
One thing I think we can all agree on is that one of the most enjoyable things about watching basketball is seeing guys jump real high and do cool stuff while they are in the air. But what if, in fact, the jumping is bad?...
Could Trump Dodge A Shoe?
Today, we’re talking about fart ventriloquism, Street Fighter, Bernie the Avalanche mascot, and more....
How Did $5 Million Of Vince McMahon's Money Wind Up In The Trump Foundation?
On Tuesday, the New York State Attorney General’s Office announced that they had reached a settlement in their suit against the Donald J. Trump Foundation over its (prolific) self-dealing and other assorted misdeeds. Beyond the usual Trump-scented malfeasance in which the foundation engaged, one de...
Donald Trump Has To Give Up Autographed Tim Tebow Gear He Bought With Charity Money. Sad!
It’s entirely possible—and would have been merciful—if you briefly blacked out under the strain of constant Trump scandals unearthed during his presidential campaign, and missed this one. If so, it’s worth rectifying that: Few scandals so better display our president’s venality, his poor business ac...