ump Page 86 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's Time for Sunday Night Football in U.S. America (This Time on Sunday!)
After getting through Thursday night's season kick-off with John Madden only drawing one penis on the screen, Eli Manning is hoping he'll pick up the slack for this evening's tilt, as Manning's Giants travel to Texas Stadium to wage battle in a manner most NFC East with the Cowboys....
About That "Racist Umpire" Study
You remember that NBA refs-are-racists study from a few months ago? Well, if you thought baseball — a sport that's never had any racism, ever — was immune from that, wrong wrong wrong, you....
The Night Time Is The Right Time
It's been confirmed that David Beckham will not start tonight in his debut with the LA Galaxy, however he has indicated that he will suit up and play. The questions remaining are at what point will he enter the game, and how long will his tender pussy ankle allow him to go on. Blah blah blah. The re...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as the father, son and the holy ghost catch the last train for the coast ... • Cycling: Tour de France, stage 9, Val-d'Isere to Briancon, France. Can you deal with Enhanced Prime? [Versus] • WNBA: Minnesota at Connecticut; Seattle at Phoenix. The excitement is palpable. [ESPN2] • MLB: ...
Kicking Pepperoni On The Ump
There are so many ways to express your displeasure with an umpire. You can boo; some do this quite effectively. You can send him angry letters. You can say nasty things about him on a message board. Or you can throw pizza at him....
Sometimes, Minor League Teams Try Too Hard
I'm not sure it makes me any more anxious to get out and see the Greenville Drive, but ... it is, unquestionably, the best Black Eyes Peas parody video I've seen by a minor league baseball team this year. In fact, it's right up there with Alanis Morissette and Will Ferrell....
The USFL Lives On Through Golf Scrambles
The Wizard Of Odds tips us off to quite the reunion this weekend: It's the 25th anniversary of the USFL! Yes, the football league in which the most powerful person was Donald Trump — never a good sign....
Cubans Treat Their Female Umpires Much Better Than We Do
In the United States, when there's a female umpire, she's mocked, particularly if her name is Violet Palmer and she's, uh, not a particularly great referee. But in Cuba, umpire Yanet Moreno is the talk of communist baseball....
Like Mark Cuban Didn't Have Enough Problems
Donald Trump, in his quest to antagonize every celebrity on the planet, has chosen Mark Cuban as his next target. It is ON:...
Do Not Judge Trump Until You've Walked A Mile In His Hair
Donald Trump's hair is back in the news, this time putting its very existence on the line in some sort of bet with not-crazy-in-the-least WWE frontman Vince McMahon. It's actually a pretty boring proposition; if McMahon's chosen wrestler wins the match, The Donald must shave his head. If Trump's goo...
My Mother The Ump
Keith Hernandez has been curiously silent about Ria Cortesio, who on Thursday will become the first female umpire to work a Major League baseball game since 1989. Likewise, Cornbread Maxwell could not be reached for comment, as Cortesio, 30, will work the bases for an exhibition game between the Dia...
The Minooka School System Throws Down The Beat
Note to grade school physical education teachers: If you're putting together a mix CD of upbeat songs for your annual fifth grade jump rope fundraiser, make sure that "I'm in Love With a Stripper," by Gangsta Grillz isn't one of them....
Cultural Oddsmaker: Who'll Be The Least Popular During ESPN The Weekend?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him and let him know what you think....
Finally, A Worthwhile Video Moment In Ice Jumping
From With Leather comes this brutal video of ski jumper — who will surely be beaten for his poor performance — Jan Mazoch having a little difficult with his jump over the weekend. He's currently in stable condition, which seems like too facile a word for what happens in this video....
Ice Jumping Seems To Be Rather Important In Norway
As you might have suspected, we do not speak Norwegian; we're not even that fluent in Swedish Chef. So we're going from a rough translation here, but apparently a Norwegian women's ski jumping team is in trouble for punishing poor jumps by punching the offender in the face....
Big Ben's Friends In Idiotic Places
Want to know why Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger had such an awful 2006? We have a theory: He has become friends with Donald freaking Trump....
One More Post Until It's Time to Start Drinking
Bah, I suck at timestamps. Those of you who've already seen the last post, well, sorry about that. I also suck at millitary time. Anyway, here's some news that I found troubling if only because I thought she was dead:...
'I Regret Nothinnnnnggggggg!'
On the list of things we would never attempt, right after "Barbaro message board moderator" and right before "poking Larry Allen with a sharp stick" comes this. It's base jumping, of course, but these batshit insane daring thrill-seekers have added a couple of twists over the past two years. No. 1 i...
Boy Meets Goat Meets Trampoline
Sure, we know what you're thinking: Another story about a goat and a trampoline. But this one is different — the goats (two, actually) are pets of a 12-year-old boy in Miami Township, Ohio, who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The county is trying to evict the animals due to a zoning ...
Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Umpires
Umpire Joe West was the crew chief for the World Series that just ended and apparently nobody watched. Cowboy Joe West ... hey, that's the same guy!...