ump Page 86 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your Monday Cricket Update; And It Ain't Pretty
I'm told that this is newsworthy but I'm in a little over my head here. Anybody out there speak cricket? Supposedly some team of 11-year-olds in Britain got thrashed so completely that all of Europe is talking about it, but I have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. Was it worse than this...
Gary Carter Wonders If He Should Let The Mets Know He Wants To Manage Them
Willie Randolph could very well be Art Howe-ing his way out of a job in New York, but what's kind of important is the fact that he still has employment with the Mets. That hasn't stopped Gary Carter, who's currently managing an independent minor league team in California, to start inquiring about wh...
Stuart Scott Obviously Feels Better
Wow, that "ESPN the Weekend" sure looks like it was fun. Here's Stuart Scott getting all Chuck D on the karaoke mic with proper S1W accompaniment by Charles Barkley playing the role of Flavor Flav and, hmm, Mr. Belding from "Saved By The Bell" obviously filling Professor Griff's giant shoes....
It's Opening Day: Time To Hump A Chair
Anyway, kids, baseball is starting, in full force, like, right now. The first two games of the day are Toronto vs. the Yankees and Kansas City visited Detroit. (Easy there, Coach: The Rays don't play at Camden until 3 p.m. ET.) Our Cardinals are at 4:15 p.m. ET ... if it doesn't freaking rain....
Baseball Season Preview: San Francisco Giants
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; heck, they've even played real games in Japan....
Roy Knocks Tito Down, Wins Decision
Last night Roy Jones Jr. looked all of his doubters in the face and declared, "I am the king of all the fighters who should have retired years ago!" Well maybe he didn't say it, but I was certainly thinking it. Jones knocked Trinidad down on two occasions and won the decision going away. He even tau...
It Would Take Your Mother One... No, Two... Hours To Watch Bowling
• 12:30 p.m. — Movie: Napoleon Dynamite [Comedy Central] • 1:00 p.m. — Bowling: PBA Great Lakes Classic [ESPN] • 1:00 p.m. — Movie: White Men Can't Jump [A&E] • 2:00 p.m. — Skiing: FIS World Cup, tape delay [NBC] • 2:30 p.m. — Golf: V Foundation Celebrity Classic [ESPN2] • 3:00 p.m. — Golf: Father/S...
The Grand Valley State Mascot Really Loves His Job
OK, I’ve checked the rulebook, and nowhere in there does it say that you can’t hump the goalpost after your team has achieved an important first down. This round goes to you, Grand Valley State mascot. But someday your reign of Div. II goal post-sexual assault will end. Mark my words. ...
How To Bring Your Car Back From The Pound
Not much is worse than having your car towed. We once had our old Toyota Camry towed in St. Louis, and we had to take a cab to a lot in which — and we don't want to overstate this — Beezlebub himself required us to give him 200 bucks in cash. Our keys were covered in sulfur. It's not a fun place to ...
It's Open Season On Charlie Weis
The Charlie Weis / Notre Dame pile-on continues, gloriously. Some of it is justified, like criticism of how the school has handled the Demetrius Jones situation. (They're making him pay for school at Northern Illinois this year by not releasing him from his scholarship.) And some of it is really jus...
Is It Wrong To Do It With An Opposing Team's Fan?
To this day, our favorite ESPN commercial remains the one where the male Ohio State fan and the female Michigan fans make out with each other. There's something primal about our reaction to it; it seems grotesque, somehow, like cousins French kissing, or a dog doing it with a sheep. Sleeping with yo...
It's Time for Sunday Night Football in U.S. America (This Time on Sunday!)
After getting through Thursday night's season kick-off with John Madden only drawing one penis on the screen, Eli Manning is hoping he'll pick up the slack for this evening's tilt, as Manning's Giants travel to Texas Stadium to wage battle in a manner most NFC East with the Cowboys....
About That "Racist Umpire" Study
You remember that NBA refs-are-racists study from a few months ago? Well, if you thought baseball — a sport that's never had any racism, ever — was immune from that, wrong wrong wrong, you....
The Night Time Is The Right Time
It's been confirmed that David Beckham will not start tonight in his debut with the LA Galaxy, however he has indicated that he will suit up and play. The questions remaining are at what point will he enter the game, and how long will his tender pussy ankle allow him to go on. Blah blah blah. The re...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as the father, son and the holy ghost catch the last train for the coast ... • Cycling: Tour de France, stage 9, Val-d'Isere to Briancon, France. Can you deal with Enhanced Prime? [Versus] • WNBA: Minnesota at Connecticut; Seattle at Phoenix. The excitement is palpable. [ESPN2] • MLB: ...
Kicking Pepperoni On The Ump
There are so many ways to express your displeasure with an umpire. You can boo; some do this quite effectively. You can send him angry letters. You can say nasty things about him on a message board. Or you can throw pizza at him....
Sometimes, Minor League Teams Try Too Hard
I'm not sure it makes me any more anxious to get out and see the Greenville Drive, but ... it is, unquestionably, the best Black Eyes Peas parody video I've seen by a minor league baseball team this year. In fact, it's right up there with Alanis Morissette and Will Ferrell....
The USFL Lives On Through Golf Scrambles
The Wizard Of Odds tips us off to quite the reunion this weekend: It's the 25th anniversary of the USFL! Yes, the football league in which the most powerful person was Donald Trump — never a good sign....
Cubans Treat Their Female Umpires Much Better Than We Do
In the United States, when there's a female umpire, she's mocked, particularly if her name is Violet Palmer and she's, uh, not a particularly great referee. But in Cuba, umpire Yanet Moreno is the talk of communist baseball....