The World Cup didn’t quite feel the same without Ian Darke to call it, but at least there was another month of (mostly) British announcers populating our soccer broadcasts. Here’s a celebration of the phrases only heard when watching the beautiful game.

Today is my last day at Deadspin after seven years of forcing you to watch dumb shit I saw on TV. To commemorate my departure, I went through all 5,128 animated GIFs I created during my tenure here to select, and rank, the best of them.

Some folks outside my apartment were shooting off fireworks around noon today. Why would you waste them like that? I’m not sure, but this is when you should set off fireworks.

1. Cavaliers def. Warriors

(NOTE: Beer and wine not included.)

Here are the best times for tipoffs, kickoffs, first pitches, and whatever they do in soccer:

1. Mary Bailey

U2 has a new album out, apparently.

It is the 500th anniversary of the Reformation. Martin Luther’s 95 theses, ranked:

Since 1901.

Most of the planets are good, very good. But some are better than others. Here are the planets of our solar system, ranked from best to worst.

1. 90 - Patrick Beverley, Clippers (SI)
2. 14 - Rudy Gobert, Jazz (ESPN)
T-3. 26 - Kevin Love, Cavaliers (SI); 26 - Kevin Love (ESPN)
5. 75 - Dennis Smith, Jr., Mavericks (ESPN)
T-6. 16-22 - Gordon Hayward, Celtics; Damian Lillard, Blazers; Mike Conley, Grizzlies; Kyle Lowry, Raptors; Klay Thompson, Warriors; Kyrie…

Now that summer is fading into fall and there’s less time to be outside in the sunshine enjoying the best type of games, lawn games, people are starting to think about hunkering down for the long, cold, worst months ahead, pondering alternative, indoor diversions like board games. Here is a ranking of the best ones:

Next season’s NBA schedule is out. Here are the worst games, organized chronologically.

Bill Simmons had his buddy Hench on his podcast yesterday. They ranked the best 25 Patriots wins since 2001. It took almost two hours and I listened to all of it. Here is the correct ranking of Simmons’s rankings, honorable mentions excluded.

Today was Mike Trout’s 26th birthday. He recorded his 1,000th hit. He hit a home run. He remains so spectacularly talented to be almost boringly so, with no indication that he will develop any flaws soon. Here are his teammates, celebrating this glorious day by dumping all manner of stuff upon his head:

The Cubs and Diamondbacks had to sit through several delays waiting for rain to pass tonight before Arizona could out-slug Chicago, 10-8. Here are the rain delay activities of the two bullpens, ranked:

There’s not much happening besides baseball right now, but that’s okay. It’s a great sport because every single pitch is an opportunity to see a new, weird thing.

Anthony Scaramucci, a finance guy or something who doesn’t seem to understand anything about being a press flack, called the New Yorker’s Ryan Lizza last night and ethered every one of his White House enemies in one of the greatest and most surreal interviews in American political history. Here are his best lines,…