A Christmas Story Subplots, Ranked

Christmas feels incomplete without at least four-to-six partial viewings of A Christmas Story, Bob Clark’s 1983 movie based on Jean Shepherd’s semi-autobiographical stories. By now, if you have a heart, you’ve seen each segment and running subplot dozens of times. But which are the best? And which are the less-best (there are no “worst”)? Finally, a scientific ranking:

The Scut Farkus Affair

Little Orphan Annie Secret Society decoder pin

Chinese turkey

Flick gets his tongue stuck to a pole

Official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle

“Oh, fudge”

Randy’s winter clothes

The Battle of the Lamp

Department store Santa

A theme for Ms. Shields

Randy won’t eat

Aunt Clara’s bunny suit

The Bumpus hounds

Realizing that the mom is the same actress who played Hanrahan’s wife in Slap Shot.

The Old Man’s battle with the furnace