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Asafa Powell Beats The Clock, In Lieu Of Beating Usain Bolt
Asafa Powell, the 100-meter world record holder of the pre-Usain Bolt era, claimed the title of Fastest Man in the World, This Year, So Far by running a 9.78 yesterday in Lausanne, Switzerland. That beats the 9.79 that Tyson Gay ran in early June in Clermont, Florida, before Gay dropped off the circ...

Here's Video Of Giovani Dos Santos's Gold Cup Goal That Finished The Americans Off
With remarkable placement and touch, young Giovani Dos Santos scored the final goal of the Gold Cup tournament. It gave Mexico a 4-2 lead that they would keep until the final whistle. Here's a link to video of Pablo Edson Barrera's goal that gave Mexico a 3-2 lead....

Your Gold Cup Finals Open Thread
At stake in tonight's Gold Cup final between the soccer teams of the United States of America and Mexico is a berth in the 2013 Confederation Cup. And bragging rights. And all that. Granted, the USA pretty much dominates El Tri in the land of the free, but Mexico's got itself a worthy side. Then a...

A Thrashers Fan Surrounded By Winnipeg Jets Fans At The Draft Tries To Mask His Pain With Smiles, Beers
Your morning roundup for June 25, the day Wade Boggs introduces you to Deputy Stanley, a dimwitted yokel who does battle with Swamp Shark....

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Prodigies
Every Friday, SportsFeat picks a few great weekend reads for Deadspin. This week's theme, in honor of Rory McIlroy and Kyrie Irving, is sports prodigies. A note to those two: enjoy this moment. If these stories are any indication, there's a slight chance it won't last....

Your Gold Cup Semifinals Open Thread
It's Miércoles Gigante for los aficionados al fútbol in Houston tonight. First up, at 7 p.m., are the Americans who will try to avenge their June 11 upset loss to Panama. (They will.) Then, around 10 p.m., Mexico and Honduras will do battle for the right to advance to Saturday's Gold Cup finals ma...

Miss USA Candidates Attempt To Answer A Question About Evolution, Fail At It
I'll warn you that this video, compiled and edited by the Miami New Times, is uniquely horrific. In it, Miss USA Pageant 2011 contestants attempt to answer — or simply to formulate words in a coherent sentence about the idea proposed — whether or not evolution should be taught in schools. The New ...

Your USA/Jamaica Gold Cup Quarterfinals Open Thread
The Gold Cup's knockout stage commences for Estados Unidos de América this afternoon. The Americans face a threatening Jamaica side that has some scared for Bob Bradley's coaching life, particularly since victory-bringers Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey were allowed to break away for family weddi...

If A Canadian Team Wins A Title, Will They Visit The White House?
Should the Canucks win one of the next two games, they'll partake in one of the greatest traditions in pro sports: spending time with the Stanley Cup. But will they, or the Cup, receive the White House invite that's standard for championship teams? More to the point, would an American President hono...

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead, Professional Wrestler Declares In Most American Video Ever
And then John Cena holds up his championship belt, and "The Stars and Stripes Forever" starts playing over the speakers. Everything about this is perfect, right down to the guy shouting, "We won." [via @SherwoodStrauss]...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXVII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Daniel Snyder's dumbass libel suit is decomposing in the bog....

Let's Start The Day With A Story About Kindness
Your morning roundup for March 27, the day people continue to concern themselves with Dennis W. Peterson losing his front teeth at a Hooters....

The Best Soccer Player On Earth Will Likely Embarrass The Americans At Some Point Tonight
There's a scene in Vision Quest in which Louden Swain's boss Elmo gets to talking about why he took the night off of work, sans pay, to watch Louden wrestle the mighty Gary Shute. He got to talking about Pele....

Frivolous Study Says American People Are Kind Of Silly About Steroids
A new study, commissioned by the US Anti-Doping Agency (USADA), notes that Americans (9,000 were surveyed) consider performance-enhancing drug use "the most serious problem in sports today."...

A Brief Reminder That Kevin O'Neill Is One Of College Basketball's All-Time Dickheads
Whatever went down last night between USC coach Kevin O'Neill, his wife, and a 60-something Arizona booster at an L.A. hotel — and reports so far seem to rate the proceedings somewhere between a barroom shoutfest and Antietam — it is worth noting that O'Neill has been a unabashed prick for so long a...

American Lady Water-Athletes Did The Naked Pool Shoot Well Before The Brits
Upon seeing Saturday's "British Olympic Hopefuls Strip For Cash" DUAN! post, USA Water Polo associate communications director Greg Mescall sent word that his American water babies had done a similar shoot for ESPN mag's body issue in October....

This Is The Fourth Annual "Hockey Weekend Across America," Assuming It Actually Exists
While the NBA is off celebrating its All-Star Weekend, which CNN calls "Black Thanksgiving," the NHL and USA Hockey are collaborating on their own star-studded weekend tribute to their game. And by stars, they mean Eddie Cahill, Ken Baker, and Ashlan Gorse. And by tribute, they mean, uh, something? ...

O.J. Mayo Blames Gas Station Energy Drink For Positive Drug Test
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Surprisingly Congruous When You Think About It Mixtape Theater: Barry Sanders
Welcome to Surprisingly Congruous When You Think About It Mixtape Theater. Today's entry: Lions great Barry Sanders set to Clint Mansell & The Kronos Quartet's overture from the Requiem For A Dream soundtrack....

Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Billy Paultz
Welcome back to Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater. Today's subject: Billy "The Whopper" Paultz, set to some folk music that sounds simultaneously Mexican and Celtic....