Jozy Altidore's Foot Surgery Could Put His World Cup In Dange—Oh Wait Goddammit

In a better world, the news that Toronto FC and USMNT striker Jozy Altidore’s underwent foot surgery yesterday would’ve been awful. Oh Christ, you would’ve thought to yourself after seeing the Altidore news in this hypothetical world where the weather’s a little nicer and your parent company is a little less of a …

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Our Dear Sweet Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Is Very Sad About Missing The World Cup

Once the rage subsided within the proud hearts of American soccer fans in response to the USMNT’s humiliating failure to qualify for next summer’s World Cup, the feeling that settled in has been one of profound sadness. Mostly, this sadness has centered on what was stolen from us—namely, the opportunity for the entire…

Bruce Arena, Who Should Have Been Fired And Sent To The Woods, Allowed To Resign

Bruce Arena, the U.S. men’s national soccer team coach who never should have been “in” in the first place, is now out. U.S. Soccer allowed him to tender his resignation, three days after the the U.S. team failed to qualify for the World Cup after losing to Trinidad and Tobago in the country’s biggest embarrassment…