w Page 4993 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
To Watch Tonight ...
The burglar stole everything except your crappy TV. Thank the Lord. ... · Hey, maybe the Padres will make Phil Nevin catch again! That would be funny. · What are we going to do tonight? I have six words for you my friend: Frontier League Baseball All-Star Game. · Now that the dancing show is over, p...
Naked Cricket Chicks And Cricket Dudes
If you're the type of person who plays virtual cricket on your PlayStation2 — and, of course, you totally are — you were this close to having yourself quite a treat. The game version of Brian Lara International Cricket — we don't know who Brian Lara is either — was to feature a nude streaker base...
About Last Night ...
What you missed when the Pillsbury Dough Boy had you arrested for inappropriate poking · Maddux: Gets 3,000th strikeout. You: Eat 30,000th Chicken McNugget. · Phelps wins 200 free at World Swim Championships despite that meddlesome Aquaman. · Sosa mistakenly uses non-corked bat, ties Frank Robinson ...
To Watch Tonight ...
What To Watch Until Squirrels Eat Through The Cable ... Twins at Yankees: N.Y. needs to finish ahead of Red Sox, if for no other reason than to stop a Fever Pitch sequel Boxing: Ren Gonz lez vs. Samuel Hern ndez. Bantamweights — they're so cute at that age. WNBA: LA Sparks vs. Phoenix Mercury. Feel ...
Here Come The Fat Dudes!
The old fat men are returning to the sports world. One would think fat men would be comfortable in their post-sporting life; they could, you know, just sit around and eat. But former Red Sox whale Rich Garces and former Supersonics DNA machine Shawn Kemp are making their way back. Garces, "El Gua...
About Last Night ...
You awoke on the front lawn with a dog licking your face and various unexplainable tattoos. We'll bring you up to speed. · OK, that idea the Red Sox had about putting Schilling in the bullpen? Not so good. · Monday Night Golf: Tiger, Daly lose to two guys who just wandered in from a nearby bar. · Al...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch with binoculars on your neighbor's new plasma screen TV ... · Giants at Cubs. Dusty Baker sure glad he left that sinking ship. · Lincoln Financial Battle of The Bridges Golf Tournament. Or, Battle at the Bridges (ESPN describes it both ways). Anyway, Tiger Woods is on one of the bridge...
Toe Rasslin'!
Many aspects of the World Toe Wrestling Championships, held last weekend in England, are hysterical. Here are a few:...
We're Not Gonna Make A Joke ... We're Not Gonna Make A Joke ...
Italy won the Homeless World Cup yesterday. Good for them. (Ahem.) A proud victory. (Cough.) They've done their country proud. (Er, yes.) No reason for any other comment....
Oprah Winfrey, The New Lombardi
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is notorious for being talented, brash and way-too-loud-mouthed. Kind of like Oprah! OK, not really, but Johnson confesses that the real point of his football career is to figure out a way to make it on Oprah's show. Johnson says:...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while setting up the world's longest line of dominos ... oops. · Armstrong can now drink a margarita out of a different Tour de France trophy every day of the week. · Busch wins Pennsylvania 500, Wallace second after stopping for a family of ducks. · Ben Crane shoots 69 to win US Ban...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as the Oompa Loompas do your household chores ... Dodgers at Mets. Jeff Weaver vs. Victor Zambrano for all the marb ... for, ah, third place in their respective divisions. PGA U.S. Bank Championships: "Gambling is illegal at Bushwood Sir, and I never slice. ... Damn!" Foot Fetish: NE R...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while impassionatley engaged in the fight, for your right, to paaaaaarrrrrty. · Guerrero Slams Yankees: We'd make a "Touched by an Angel" reference here if it wasn't so lame. · Brown, Isiah Meet. Strangely, the open Knicks job never comes up. · Armstrong emerges from mountains with y...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as your speedboat is being repossessed ... Yankees at Rangers. If Steinbrenner acts quickly, Griffey could be on a plane for this one. From France, the LPGA Evian Masters. Whoa, Lance Armstrong playing through! Washington D.C. United at Kansas City Wizards. May be blacked out in the Ka...
Just Asking ... Hypothetical ... No Offense Intended
We know we're not supposed to be suspicious of this. We know we're supposed to accept that agent Drew Rosenhaus, who has been a feature subject in every newspaper with a beat writer and seems to want to single handedly send the NFL into a labor war, we know we're supposed to believe every second o...
About Last Night ...
What you missed during your frenzied scramble to buy every Wonka Bar in town ... Schilling gets first save since '92, but let's be honest, it was against Tampa Bay. Lance Armstrong facing little resistance as he approaches Paris — kind of like the Germans in WWII. Pistons fire Larry Brown, official...
McMichael Gets Early Jump On Training Camp With Wife
Miami Dolphins tight end Randy McMichael was arrested last week for spousal abuse, his second arrest for that charge in the last 13 months. (The good news is that she wasn't pregnant this time.)...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while secretly reading your child's Harry Potter book in the basement ... Tiger Woods smooches British Open trophy, uses a little tongue. Top of the Tour, ma! Lance Armstrong increases overall lead. Royals, Tigers in ugly brawl. Ron Artest suspended just out of habit....
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as authorities string police tape across your porch ... Cardinals at Giants. Scenic panorama includes San Francisco Bay and the lovely BALCO Laboratories. PBA's Motel 6 Roll to Riches. What, you were expecting the Waldorf Astoria? Woman, I told you not to bother me during the PGA John ...
This Week In Weird Foreign Sports
We tend to find European sports terminology hilarious, mainly because it points to how equally absurd American sports terminology is. We all might know what "a blooper to shallow left" means, but to anyone not intimately familiar with baseball terminology, that's just nonsensical babbling. So here...