w Page 5029 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ichiro Creeps Out Newest Tickle Buddy
Ichiro was stereotyped as a meticulous robot, but would a cyborg tell Jason Bay, in Japanese, that he was going to "mess with your house"? Bay's response: "I didn't know what to say. It was weird." Safe word! [WEEI]...
And For His Next Trick, Sun Tzu Will Write The Sequel To <i>All The Pretty Horses</i>
"The strain, my dear, the strain. I have attended wars which seemed less emotional experiences than Pony Club polo matches." Note to columnists: War is never a good analogy. Especially when you're writing about tony ponies. [Daily Mail]...
Not Gay Richard Jefferson Let His Girl Down Easy
Richard Jefferson is in full damage control mode after supposedly dumping his fianceé by emailing her at the altar or something. He's setting the story straight about the Black AMEX, the shadiness, and the money. Oh, and the gayness....
Jeff Garlin: “This Is The Longest Rape Has Ever Been A Topic For Anything I’ve Ever Discussed”
This week's Deadcast guest is "Curb Your Enthusiasm" co-star and producer Jeff Garlin (Listen here, iTunes here, buy Jeff's standup DVD here). We talk rape! Far more than Jeff prefers!...
WNBA: Expect Pundit
Cokie Roberts, yayo-monikered political commentator and witless conventional-wisdom dispenser, is getting the WNBA Inspiration Award, which speaks volumes about the towering lameness of the WNBA. She is, as Cokie herself might say, an interesting choice. [MediaBistro]...
Rick Pitino Didn't Do That Thing Karen Sypher Said He Did, Probably
Louisville police will not prosecute Rick Pitino for whatever it is Karen Sypher allegedly tried to blackmail him with. So I guess we'll never get a steamy "Law & Order"-style courtroom drama starring the saucy Cardinals coach....
Tiny Girl Catches Giant Catfish, Says Proud Dad
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Tom Watson And His New Eyes Take Early Lead At British Open
Watson shot a 65 in the first round. Others in contention include Mark O'Meara and Mark Calcavecchia. No, you didn't accidentally get sucked into a wormhole. [Fanhouse]...
The Sports News On A Sportsless Day
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
It's Not Officially A No-Hitter Until You Drink With A Panda
Some might tell you that Jonathan Sanchez's good luck charm was his father watching him pitch for the first time as a pro. Those people are about to learn of the Power of the Panda....
How To Deal With A Day Without Sports
It's Black Wednesday, the one day on the calendar with no professional sports going on (the WNBA is offering four games tonight). How is the sports media coping with the empirically slowest news day of the year?...
Fixing The President's Throwing Motion
As you know, our commander-in-chief took the mound last night and did an excellent impression of a man trying to throw a party balloon. I asked some experts to evaluate Obama's mechanics and explain just what needed to be fixed....
ESPYS: A Live Report From Within The Vicinity Of Matthew Berry
The Talented Mr. PoonTo Returns. From an onlooker: "Matt berry is picking up on his espy escort chick about 20ft away from me.. Just got her number." Said "escort chick" is to the right, btw. Developing......
Jay Crawford: ESPN's Resident Hard-Ass
This is an excellent story. Take heed, North Jersey adult league recreational baseball pitchers: If you plunk the First Take host in the back of the neck, he may kill you. Full [Sic'd] story after the jump:...
Nancy Boys Play Like ... Well, Nancy Boys
Look, when you play for a soccer team from a town named Nancy, headlines like this are inevitable. (What editor could resist?) Especially when you run away from swine flu like a team of little girls. [ESPN]...
Erin Andrews' Chin Has Healed Nicely...
But it appears she was attacked by a tiger before the ESPYs last night. Hope she's okay. [TMZ/Hot Clicks]...
Terrell Owens Suddenly Remembers He Has This Thing He Has To Be At
I was surprised to learn "The Superstars" was actually on last night, opposite the All-Star Pregame. (Counterprogramming!) Thanks to the magic of time travel, I have learned that the episode was way more pointless than usual....
Jim Cramer Was Wrong About Lenny Dykstra, Everything Else
Jon Stewart would like to remind everyone that financial "expert" Jim Cramer endorsed Lenny Dykstra as "one of the great ones in this business." And the business he was referring to was not "collecting tobacco juice."...
Jason Whitlock Vs. Marty B In Racial Flame War ‘09: WHO YA GOT? (UPDATED)
Our favorite oozing pumpkin Jason Whitlock is forging an Enemies List not seen since the last days of Richard Nixon: Selena Roberts, Serena Williams, Hamstring Stretches, etc....
The Rich Get Richer With ESPY Swag
One of the great ironies of life is that the more money you make, the more stuff you get for free. It's the only reason rich people leave the house. So what do they get for going to the ESPYs?...