w Page 5033 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
That Last Name Never Gets Easier To Spell
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Somehow, Michael Jackson Was Partly Responsible For Magic Johnson's Greatness
I applaud Magic Johnson's ability to personalize it: "the way he controlled the band...the stage." But I'm sure he'd use the same approach if he were eulogizing a painter or a vacuum cleaner repairman. [Gawker]...
Someone Else Actually Wants To Buy The Cubs?
Hold the phone, North Siders. Wrigley Field and its tenants have supposedly been sold for $900 million, but a new suitor has stepped in to Cubsblock the Ricketts. Will the team slip through their fingers like a groundball to short?...
Just In Case You Wanted To Know What A Dwarf Wrestler Funeral Looks Like
Those two little masked heroes that were killed by bandit hookers last week had a well-attended funeral, which could have easily been mistaken for a Rob Zombie film. [The Sun via BarStoolSports]...
Brett Tomko Uses Painting To Ease Pain Of Being Brett Tomko
"For me, the best way to move on from [a bad outing] is to get the paints out. Kind of take my mind off the pitching for a few hours and just kind of regroup." [Star-Ledger]...
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Hygiene Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
A Starburst Is Born
To one Tampa Bay Rays fan, these stars are not similar. To a Florida prosecutor, the blue star is a shameless rip of the yellow star. Which might put the fan in the clink for a year....
Bringing SexyBack To Golf
Justin Timberlake — former frontman for *NSYNC, international pop superstar, 6-handicap on the links — is shopping his first book. It's about golf, and it's reportedly a memoir about the 28-year-old's memorable rounds. Well, no one's done that before. [NYO]...
Michael Phelps Makes America Safe For Weed
Congratulations, dope heads! Your groovy hero has bonged his way into America's heart and now you're free to toke up wherever and whenever you see fit. Enjoy your reefer, hippies, and be sure to thank Michael Phelps when you do....
More Whitlock: McNair's Not A Hero, He's Not The Morality Police, Likes To Get His "Becky On" As Well
"Personally, I prefer June-December romances, but a blossoming May flower certainly could be fertilized into a special, 28-year-old bouquet by a patient and attentive gardener." Also: "Becky."[Fox Sports]...
F—k Your Stupid Life Event: A Guide To Gift Giving
I hate buying gifts. I hate shopping for them, even online, which requires only that I click a mouse a few times, maybe fill out your address. NO TIME FOR THAT SHIT....
The Death Of Steve McNair And The War Against Cliché
The eulogies to Steve McNair are pouring in from all points on the compass, and one word seems to be showing up again and again. You know which one: "warrior."...
The Fate Of U.S.-Russia Relations Rests On Alexander Ovechkin's Stick
"As a resident of Washington, D.C., I continue to benefit from the contributions of Russians — specifically, from Alexander Ovechkin," said Barack Obama, who was criticized for not being a true puckhead. Don't get greedy, Capitals fans. [D.C. Sports Bog]...
Oh, Jason, You've Really Gone And Done It Now...
Jason Whitlock wrote a face-slapper of a column about Serena Williams where he says things like this: "I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin." Jezebels...ATTACK!...
Yankees Won't Be Joining Umpire For Post-Game Pizza Party
For as much glory as there is to be had in Little League — and not just by the 13-year-old with the mustache — there are more disheartening components. Like the umpires. Those guys were the pits....
Tony La Russa Wisely Drops His Lawsuit Against Twitter
"La Russa's lawyer, Gregory McCoy, wrote that his client was dismissing the case, adding that "No payment was made by Twitter to La Russa in exchange for this dismissal." Expect 14 more Tony La Russa impersonators by noon. [Law.com]...
Greg Oden's Romantic Hawaiian Vacation Keeps Getting Interrupted By Bill From Accounting
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...
Caleb Campbell Gives Bobsledding A Shot
Remember Caleb Campbell—the former Army Cadet who was drafted by, but not allowed to play for, the Detroit Lions? Boy, did that guy dodge a bullet! Okay, maybe that was a bad metaphor....