w Page 5064 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Our Two Greatest Leaders Make A Pact To Save The World
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap (Photo: Orlando Sentinel)...

ESPN Headline Writers Are Witty Rapscallions
Well isn't that special. But in ESPN's defense, there's probably not a whole lot you can do with news like this. [ESPN]...

Big Papi Fires Warning Shot Over Joba's Bow
Their series doesn't begin until tomorrow, but David Ortiz thought he'd get in a preemptive strike today against Joba Chamberlain and the Yankees. Hey Joba, please don't throw at our noggins....

It's Nap Time When Timmy McGee SAYS It's Nap Time
When site banners and headlines collide, the results can be somewhat amusing. Meet the deceptively muscled tykes of the Trigg County powerlifting team. I'm guessing that's Timmy McGee in the yellow shirt. [TCPS]...

Which Of These Nightmare Fuels Will Be The New St. John's Mascot?
What, no giant talking beer keg? St. John's has a storied and troubled history when it comes to mascots, and the current vote to find a new one is not going to help, it appears....

Crack The F—king Skye. Your 2009 NFL Draft Jamboroo
The NFL Draft is this weekend, so time for a special offseason edition of Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo. Enjoy....

Feds Seize Brandi Chastain's Bra, Demand Ransom
If you want to see the bra alive again, leave $250 in unmarked bills at the enclosed location. No tricks. Bra will be shipped within 5-7 business days....

Martellus Bennett Wants To Know Why He Loves Chicken So Much
Everyone's favorite Cowboy blogger has been off for a week, but he came back with an important post that will surely further a difficult, but necessary debate—why do black people love the fried chicken?...

Football Coach Bans Student Reporters, Takes Gratuitous Shot At Soccer (Update)
Angered over a recent editorial in the school paper, the head football coach at Wisconsin-Whitewater has denied student reporters any access to his team this coming fall....

Detroit's Likely No. 1 Pick May Suffer From Dementia
The Lions are working hard to ink a deal before Saturday's draft with Georgia QB Matthew Stafford—who "indicated he would love to play in Detroit." That's your first warning sign right there. [ESPN]...

Stephen Curry Breaks Blogger's Heart
Stephen Curry will forgo his senior season at Davidson and enter the NBA Draft, raining tears all over the Southern Conference—and also breaking a special promise he made to one little blogger....

You Are The Falcon, And I Shall Remain...
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

The Latest Men Of Steal: The Sixers' Marketing Team
After Andre Iguodala decided to turn into the player everyone's pretended he is during the stunning Game 1 upset of the Orlando Magic, the Sixers are doing everything to take advantage of the momentum....

Freddie Sez Has About Had It With High Ticket Prices
So yeah, there are plenty of those high-priced corporate seats that are empty at Yankee Stadium this season. But here's the real tragedy: Freddie Sez can't get in!...

Ole Miss Football Players Don't Read So Good
Mississippi lineman Jerrell Powe raised some hackles this weekend when he was cited by police for a noise violation—then told the officer that he couldn't sign the citation because he doesn't know how to read....

New Baseball Franchise Attempts To Hitch Its Wagon To Stephen Colbert's Star (Update)
The new Frontier League baseball team in Normal, Ill., needs a nickname, and it's up to you to rock the vote. Of course they're secretly hoping you'll opt for option "C."...

Even Kansas Is Somehow Benefiting From John Calipari's Move
The Henry brothers—high school senior Xavier and his Memphis Tiger sibling, C.J.—are both enrolling at Kansas. (Sources say!) Way to kick a Door when it's down. [Fox, via RTC; more @ SI]...

Beware The Withering Insults Of FIGJAM
Regardless of what people think of Phil Mickelson, he'll always have an enthusiastic fan base and the admiration of some of his peers, regardless of how douchey he comes off sometimes....

Oh, Poor Lindsay Soto
Breasts have always been one of the biggest drawbacks for female sports reporters. Show too much, you're a bimbo. Show too little, you'll be replaced by someone who shows too much....

William "Refrigerator" Perry In The Hospital
The Fridge is expected to recover, but is suffering from Guillain-Barre Syndrome, "a chronic inflammation disorder of the peripheral nerves" and also something that doctors call "Shuffleitis." [Sun-Times]...