w Page 5096 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
When They Think About You ...
Last year, MJD told you about the special World Cup vibrators named after German "stars" Michael Ballack and Oliver Kahn, which promised to make women feel "'like you've won the world cup of sex," which hopefully doesn't involve a head butt....
Apparently, The Warriors Can Lose At Home
In their their preview of the Suns-Spurs series, Free Darko, describing Stephen Jackson and the Golden State Warriors, wrote, "Stephen Jackson doesn't care because he has nothing to lose, and thus is invincible." For the first time, last night, his team looked like it cared, like it had a lot to los...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while tripping on peyote at the roulette table with your dead nephew's Vegas hooker. ... • NBA: Down go the Warriors! Utah 115, Golden State 101. • Golf: So out ... crooked baseball caps. So in ... Phil Mickelson golf visors. • MLB: Rockies caught in a vicious cycle thanks to Giants,...
To Watch Tonight...
• 8:00, ESPN. MLB. Detroit Tigers @ Minnesota Twins. A guy named Boof should have a giant red afro, or a curly mustache or something. • 8:00, Comedy Central. Movie. Bad Santa. Underrated in my view, but cursing at children makes me laugh. Don't judge me. • 9:30, TNT. NBA Playoffs. Utah Jazz @ Golden...
Alex Rodriguez, Amateur Urologist
Not to be outdone by the Brewers and their rectal exams, Alex Rodriguez appears to have decided to give Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang a free urological exam in the middle of the game....
Tedy Bruschi's Going To Want To Try This Out Now
You know, a lot of people express concern about our nation's youth. But I say, when you've got a 13-year-old boy, smiling so broadly in front of a football star that he just tricked into throwing up the shocker ... I think the future's in good hands....
The Iron Sheik Is A Charming Man
I had no idea there were that many no-good motherfuckers in the world. I'm not sure, because I can't understand everything he's saying, but ... I think The Sheik even finds time to Barry Bonds a no-good motherfucker. It's at about the 1:33 mark, before says, "Tito Santana is a Mexican. He's OK. Bett...
Baron Davis Climbs Andrei Kirilenko
If you watch closely, you can see Andrei Kirilenko looking back at Baron Davis afterwards, as if to say, "You know, that really wasn't necessary." Even Adonal Foyle crinkled up his nose in a "Damn that was nasty," kind of a way. When Adonal Foyle acknowledges the nastiness, you know things just got ...
Greetings From The South Side!
• We really are gonna try to talk these guys into a Mattoon franchise. • Hee, hee, the Brewers put fingers in butts. • See ya, Chelsea. • ESPN is full of it. Who knew? • The Brewers will make you pee. • Yeah, not a smart bet, not at all. • We love a good Star Wars nerd. • Oh, boy, Roger Clemens is b...
A Tribute To All The Sports Moms Out There
As we remind you to grab your cards and flowers for Mother's Day on Sunday — we are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to be in Mattoon this Mother's Day — we thought we might take a moment and remember some of the special mothers in the world of sport....
What Will Be The Next Health-Oriented Ballpark Promotion?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
Temple's Inspired Obfuscation Falls Just Short
Considering the breathtaking amount of success Temple University sports have had over the last few years, it's no surprise that they were put on probation by the NCAA yesterday. We're so glad Temple's dominance was finally explained....
NHL Stanley Cup Pants Party: Red Wings Vs. Ducks
We have always found it amusing that Anaheim decided to take the positive modifier "Mighty" out of its name; we know they wanted to avoid the Disney context, but usually when there's a "Fighting" or a "Runnin'" in there, it's supposed to be a good thing. Now they are Ducks, simply Ducks....
Hey, If You Talk A Lot, And Loud Enough, Even The Serious Stuffy People Will Start Listening
We knew that Charles Barkley's Big! Opinions! had crossed him over from the sports world, but we had no idea it had gone this far: He's now getting the Serious Guy Treatment from The New Republic, of all places....
NHL Stanley Cup Pants Party: Sabres Vs. Senators
And here, you thought we were completely ignoring the NHL playoffs. To remind you: Canuck please!...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Boris Mironov fails to outwit moose and squirrel ... • NBA: Eastern Conference semifinals, Detroit at Chicago, Game 3. Bulls were just waiting for the right moment to pounce. [ESPN] • NHL: Eastern Conference finals, Ottawa at Buffalo, Game 1. We should, like, buy a case of Labatt Bl...
You Will Honor "God Bless America," Or The Yankees Will Have You Shot
We want to make this absolutely clear: We love America. We love it. We love the freedom to speak our mind, we love we are allowed to wear American flag underpants, we love that we can super size any combo meal, regardless of which sandwich we choose. We love it here....
Steve McNair, The Non-Driving Drunk Driver
So Ravens quarterback Steve McNair was arrested in Nashville this morning for a DUI, which is impressive considering he wasn't driving the car....
Wild Nights In Salt Lake City
Just Call Me Juice points out what we're all thinking but are afraid to admit: These NBA playoffs have been so much more entertaining than the NCAA Tournament. (Assuming, of course, you ignore the Eastern Conference.) Last night's wild overtime thriller, a mad hatter 127-117 Jazz win over the Warrio...
About Last Night ...
What you missed during another senseless school squirrel attack ... • NBA: That clanking sound you hear is the Warriors going down 2-0 to the Jazz. • MLB: Dice, Dice Baby ... Manny, Matsuzaka lead Red Sox over Blue Jays, 9-3. • Tennis: The Chronicles of Roddick ... big fun at the Rome Masters....