w Page 5112 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Set Tivos To C-SPAN!
Like most people, we watched last spring's and summer's steroid hearings with many healthy dollops of amusement; it was alternately:...

When Bronson Arroyo's Rock Isn't Hard Enough
MTV channels its inner Page 3 today, looking at the worst music offerings from professional athletes. (We're going to assume "ESPN Hollywood" has done this story about six times.)...

Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Woody Paige
We hate to frontload this feature with such an apt subject — it's only our second one — and after Woody Paige there's really no place else to go, is there? After spending the last hour reading his old Denver Post columns, we're really kicking ourselves: We could have saved a lot of time and effort...

Blogdome: The Hell Of Being A Padres Fan
• "I don't care what you do now. Go ahead and win the dumb division. Or just keep crapping all over yourselves. I could care less either way. I have the Chargers and my Gloria Gaynor CDs." [Gas Lamp Ball] • Eddy Curry is either brooding over the way the Bulls are treating him, or sitting at home get...

If Tom Cruise Were A Lineman
As obsessive as Madden 2006 players tend to be, we're surprised it took this long to be discovered, but it appears a glitch in the game has Jets offensive lineman Michael King listed as seven inches high. (That's him in the picture, doing a pretty excellent job at blocking a Buccaneer, considering...

In The Wake Of Chad
We've always liked Jets fans, if just because they have that unique New York blend of bitter cynicism and unabashed homerism toward their team. They're like the woman who has nothing nice to say about her spoiled younger sister ... but she'll have your throat if you do....

About Last Night ...
What you missed due to your somewhat troubling five-hour visit to the Liberace Museum ... • Clausen Effect: Tennessee upsets No. 4 LSU in college football. • Sorry About That, Chiefs: Denver slaps around Kansas City on MNF. • Damn Yankees: Big Unit leads Yanks to half-game lead over rained-out Red S...

To Watch Tonight ...
What light through yonder window breaks? 'Tis Doritos, and this picante sauce is the sun ... • College FB: Tennessee at LSU. The only group of Volunteers who are not welcome in Louisiana. [ESPN2] • MNF: Chiefs at Broncos. If you have any idea what John Madden is talking about, please let us know. [A...

Paris Hilton And Ross Verba: Our Lucy And Ricky
We're not saying that Paris Hilton's already decumbent standards are getting somehow lower or anything, but one would think that when you're on the cover of Vanity Fair, you'd be able to party with a relatively high class of athlete. Nope: Hilton was out boobing it up in Las Vegas last weekend wit...

Fighting The Real Enemy: Fuchsia
From the Professors With Way Too Much Time On Their Hands Department: A professor at the University of Iowa has been receiving Internet threats after she claimed that the Iowa football team's propensity to color the locker room pink was sexist and homophobic. First off, we'd like to tell everyone ...

NFL Roundup: Kickers Soak Up All The Drama
• Like everyone else who is prone to breaking their spine whenever there's a stiff wind, we've always had an affinity for kickers. So when Cowboys bully tackle Larry Allen went after former XFL kicker Jose Cortez after he missed an extra point — to be fair, Cortez got a little lipp — we cringed th...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while declaring a thumb war with your Iraqi neighbor ... • NFL: Patriots 23, Steelers 20. Once again, mighty Steel Town reduced to tears by hobbit-like Adam Vinatieri. • MLB: Yankees, Red Sox both win to stay tied for division lead; will decide things in Wrestlemania VII. • NFL: Beng...

Week In Deadspin: Is Manny Wearing A Ron Mexico Jersey?
• You thought Ryan Farnsworth was bad. You thought Bronson Arroyo tarting it up with college students who aren't his wife was bad. You thought that A-Rod and his wife living as closet swingers was bad. Until you have seen Manny Ramirez teaching people how to dance, you ain't seen nothing. NOTHING!...

To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as Rafael Palmeiro testifies that you gave him steroids ... • MLB: Red Sox at Orioles. Bronson Arroyo, you goofy looking wingnut — Boston needs you now more than ever. [NESN] • College FB: Iowa State at Army. If you don't watch this game, the terrorists have won. [ESPN2] • College FB: ...

Bill Simmons Brings It All Back Home
Well, we know why Our Boy Bill Simmons was sans column all week; he was saving it for his new NFL column, which clocks in at a frighteningly healthy 3,200 words. It's the usual Simmons fare; we get guest appearances by The Godfather, Andrew McCarthy and MTV's "Cribs."...

Blogdom's Best: Washington Nationals
More than any other sport, baseball lends itself to individual blog obsession. Every Major League Baseball team has several blogs obsessed with chronicling the ins-and-outs of everything. Deadspin salutes these modem-addled souls and proudly presents Blogdom's Best, given to the most outstanding b...

Giants Fans Remain Most Erudite In Sport
We once went to a St. Louis Cardinals-New York Yankees game at Yankee Stadium with a smattering of fellow Cardinals fans. There was a rain delay, and our group — all dressed in loud red, of course — watched the Bleacher Creatures amuse themselves, treating the benches like Slip-n-Slide's and parti...

Derek Jeter ... REVEALED! (Uh, by CBS.)
After its rather incomprehensible look at Miami Dolphins hemp advocate Ricky Williams last week, "60 Minutes" continues to scrape the filthy underbelly of the sports world with a cutting look at Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter. You won't believe the dirt they've uncovered. It's Derek Jeter LIKE YOU'...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while your JetBlue flight was circling LAX for three hours ... • MLB: Yankees fail in determined attempt to choke, go game up on Red Sox. • MLB: Willis bats seventh, earns pitching victory. Those wacky Marlins. • Presidents Cup Golf: Tiger Woods does not play well with others....

Do Not Spam Ozzie Guillen
In case you missed it from Sports Illustrated earlier this year — or its reprinting in the Chicago Daily Southtown — Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has a publicly available email account: OzzieGuillen13@ hotmail.com. Now that the White Sox are in danger of a historic collapse, he says he'...