war Page 207 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Put Away Your Calculators. Joe Mauer Is MVP
Indignant nerds may stand down. Your numerically eviscerating PowerPoint presentation about Derek Jeter's faults is both lovely and precise, but will not be needed this year. (Only an idiotic first-place vote for Miguel Cabrera kept it from being unanimous.) [MPR]...

Tim Lincecum Is High, Young Winner Again
The San Francisco Giants goofy-headed pitcher of countless "Dazed and Confused" jokes has won his second straight Cy Young award. Take that, Nancy Reagan. (Counterpoint from this morning.) [SFGate]...

Two Of Three Tennessee Robbers Kicked Off Team
Nu'Keese Richardson and Mike Edwards have been "permanently dismissed" from Tennessee's football team after being arrested for armed robbery last week. (No decision on teammate Janzen Jackson.) So that's the quickest way to squander a football scholarship. [GoVolsXtra]...

This Guy Is Trying To Steal John Daly's Bit
And no, I'm not referring to Udorn Duangdecha getting his stomach stapled and surviving solely on Diet Coke and cigarettes - check out those slacks. Crap, they're so loud that Marlee Matlin heard him trying them on. [Devil Ball Golf]...

A Grim Look At Tim Tebow's Future?
Buried in a flimsy trend story about the, er....resurrection of "John 3:16" madness (courtesy of YouKnowWho, natch) is a more fascinating nugget about the true originator of the craze—who is serving three life terms in a California prison....

Derek Jeter Has Really Let Himself Go Since...Last Wednesday
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Tennessee Football Players Commit Armed Robbery While Wearing Tennessee Clothing
Three members of Lane Kiffin's much-hyped freshman class were arrested early this morning after robbing someone at a convenience store....in the middle of the Tennessee campus....while wearing Tennessee-branded football clothing. What's the opposite of a perfect crime?...

Mary Carey Tells The World How Dwight Howard Tried To Woo Her With His Penis
KHTK Radio has a delightfully daffy interview with the pornstress/gubernatorial candidate/celebrity rehabber, where she reveals that a starry-eyed Dwight Howard once showed up at her then boyfriend's house to profess his undying lust for her by unzipping his pants. [SBBviaSRI]...

Man Arrested, Charged With Murder Of Jasper Howard
Police have a charged a Connecticut man with murder, and arrested two others, in connection with the stabbing death of UConn cornerback Jasper Howard. None of the suspects are UConn students. [Hartford Courant; photo]...

Bob Griese Adds A Little Spice (Probably Cumin) To Ohio State-Minnesota Broadcast
You guys have been lighting up the tips box reporting how Bob Griese made a completely ignorant statement regarding Juan Pablo Montoya, and given the amount of people stating they heard it, it has to be true....

Paying Tribute To A Fallen Teammate
Deadspin contributor Robert Lunn pens his thoughts about the stabbing death of his former teammate, Jasper "Jazz" Howard. Condolences go out to Rob and the rest of the UCONN football program. [NESN]...

Sad News Out Of Storrs
UConn cornerback Jasper Howard was stabbed to death after a school-sponsored dance at the student union. [Courant]...

Stephen Jackson Ain't Leading Nobody Nowhere
Stephen Jackson doesn't want to be the captain of the Warriors anymore because all you do is "talk to the refs." That and he hates his coach and is demanding a trade. How will they survive without that leadership? [SFChronicle]...

The True American Way To Ball Hawk: Sue
The Happy Youngster might be on his way to law school after reading this one; a Miami family has forced the Phillies to return a home run ball by threat of a lawsuit. America!...

Wide Receiver Drama Over: Braylon Edwards Traded, Michael Crabtree Signs
Adam Schefter woke up early today and jumped on two stories that will disappoint fans of ridiculous melodrama. Now that the Braylon Edwards saga is over in Cleveland and Michael Crabtree has ended his holdout, what will we talk about?...

Braylon Edwards Accused Of Punching FOL (Friend Of LeBron) UPDATED
Well, the Browns' season just got a whole lot better. Their "star" wide receiver was accused of punching a man last night and the victim says it's all because Braylon Edwards isn't as popular as LeBron James....

The Continued Dissemination Of TMZ's Erin Andrews Heroism
This is still bothering me, obviously, and in order to sate my tin-foil sleazeball conspiracies, I'm publishing an email sent to me in order to corroborate my post that TMZ's coverage of the Erin Andrews peepholery was a little sketch....

Your Depressing Pirates Story For The Day
Pittsburgh farmhand Eric Hacker finally made his major league debut last week at PNC Park, a nice moment for which one lone fan applauded. One. And now the fan's been found. Fittingly, he writes horror novels....

Hines Ward Clearly Enjoyed Almost Decapitating A Man
After Hines Ward broke Keith Rivers' jaw with a nasty blindside block last year, the NFL implemented something called "The Hines Ward Rule", outlawing high blind side hits. Hines Ward won't abide, but he thinks it's pretty cute....

Somebody Get Larry Fitzgerald's Brother A Clipboard
Look deeper into the Cardinals' 31-17 win on Sunday, as Larry Fitzgerald's brother did, and you'd realize too that Kurt Warner is an "OLD ASS MAN" who doesn't know how to run a team, 24-for-26 notwithstanding....